One year ago today on my 59th Birthday, I started HRT. What have I noticed about the changes in me during the past year.
1. Mentalhy, I am much calmer. It has been a tough year but I made it. Hopefully this next year will be better. I have made new freinds and a new kind of family. I have also lost friends and family. That hurts the most.They can not see me, because of me. I have learned how to cry without shame and to show anger. I have also learned how to bring all the different me's into one person. I am the authetic self without having to change who I am with everyperson I meet. I am not yet full time, but working on it. The big differnce is I will have to dress male for work, but my actions and speach are me. The only differnce is when I leave work I change from a shirt to a blouse.
2. Physcially, I have lost a little weight, but then I was not big to begin with, I now average 135lbs. Some body fat is migrating to where I want it. I went from shaving my head(trying to be butch) to growing my hair back and starting finastride to gain back most of what I lost. I just cut my hair for the first time in just over a year, with a Jamie Lee-Curtis cut. My skin is much softer and has improved in clarity. My facial hair is growing much slower and I swear is thiner. I never had a heavy beard or body hair. The hair I have on my arms is very fine and blond. I have not had to shave my legs for six months. I am developing breast. Now I am A cup. I hope to be a B cup in the next year. Not bad for a 60 year old.
3. I have gotten use to thinking of me and calling myself she. I did not relize how hard that would be. I was uncomfortable calling my self male, but had done so for so many years that it was almost natural. I love filling out forms and being able to check female. I love having men holding doors for me and walking me to may car to make shure I am safe. I love being able to walk through the ladies department and not feeling like they are clocking me. I like it when I'm at a stop light and the man/women/family look over and seeing a older women sitting in the car next to them and nothing else. I enjoy my everyday life as me.
4. Less is more. I have learned how to be a girl this year. When I first started this journey, I did like a lot of girls, I over did it. Makeup, Wigs, Clothes. It use to take me over an hour to put on make up, now 10-15 minuets at the most. I can now paint my own nails, not my finges. My wigs are shorter and more age approprate. Clothes, I never had a problem with, now accessories were a big problem. It took a while to get use to shoes and handbags and scarfs.(when for so many years it brown belf,shoes and black belt/shoes) One thing I have noticed in the pictures of the other girls in this web site is that the longer they are themselfs, the more natural they look. It is because they become more comfortable with themself and learn that more is less, they and I became more natural.
5.Sex. Its an issue that alot of times is passed over. I was self identified as a gay man. I liked men. I still do. But how I look at them has changed alot. What I want out of a man, what I find sexy and what turns me on has changed. I want respect and humor. What I find sexy is humility and humor and what turns me on is all of the above and of corse a cute ass.
I have not had sex for over 5 years with a man. I would be lieing if i said I had not done sex acts with a man during that time. There is a difference between the two. I miss the sex-touching, kissing,talking, holding each other and the smell.
I have so much more to say and hope I haven't bored you all. It's my road trip and wanted to share a little of me with all of you. I'm sorry for the spelling.
PS. I just got back from taking my Pharmacy Technician Certification Exam and passing. What a great Birthday gift to myself.