This is what was read, as closely as possible through the streams of tears last Thursday.
Pause every couple of sections for gut wrenching emotions, where I broke down and my dad, gently and politely said, "It's OK. Breathe and keep talking."
I was going to record this, but decided that I could not have any record of this very private moment. This was a moment that was between the three of us, to be shared only by my memory of the event and what I could write immediately following. With the overwhelming show of acceptance and love, this will be a memory that will be with me forever.
Ok...NOW here it goes......
Mom, Dad, I have something I need to tell you.
It is something that has been itching to be told for quite some time. Since I was a kid.
This is going to be hard for you to hear. You' may think that you did something wrong in my upbringing, that isn't the case. You may think something is wrong with me, that isn't the case. You may be a bit confused, but I can try to help you through this. I can try to explain it to you the best I can.
This is something that has been with me from my earliest memories. It's something I tried to tell you time and time again, but I was too afraid to say anything. Too afraid to disappoint you. Too afraid to lose you. There were times that seemed right and there were times when I knew I should not say a word.
This has nothing to do with how you raised me. You did a tremendous job. I am openhearted to all. I am there for my family and my friends. I do not judge. I help anyone I can in whatever way is possible.
This has been a heavy burden to carry and with each person I've told, the weight has lightened. I wanted to make sure I waited until after your anniversary, because I wanted nothing to distract from your celebration. I wanted to ensure that your happiness, family and friends came first.
I am seeing a therapist and have been talking this through with him. I have been talking with friends. I have lost a couple, but most are here, supporting me, holding me up, keeping me from falling.
I remember coloring my nails with crayons and markers, only to scrape them off before you got home, or anyone could see. I remember feeling much more in tune with the girls in my classes and not even close to fitting in with any of the boys. I remember playing with Anita Glenn's Barbie makeup head, holding it up to my own, and seeing what long hair actually felt like. When I was little, I would pray that I was dreaming and would wake up, with everything set right. That I would wake up, as I knew I was supposed to be, and nobody would be hurt. I would pray that this would simply go away. Neither of those prayers were necessarily answered, but I feel that everything I have felt and gone through, have led me to this day. Again, since my earliest memories, I knew something was not right about me. My internal feelings did not match my external appearance. I had an idea, but had no idea where to turn to find out for sure.
What I am about to say will not be easy to hear. It is almost just as difficult to say, but here it goes.
I am going to transition from male to female. I have been moving toward this over the past couple years, slowly, but have felt this my entire life. It will take a couple more years for it to fully take effect, but I will be living as a female. Joy and Logan both know and are supporting me through this. Some of the extended family knows and they, too, are supporting me through this. They will mourn the loss of Steve, but will always love, and be there for me, no matter what. Even though Joy is supportive to the very end, our marriage will end because of this and I cannot or will not think ill of this decision. We will remain the best of friends. We have been best friends for the pst 22 years, this is not going to change a thing.
I will still be me. Your child. My love and appreciation for you both will not change, but continue to grow, as I do. My corny sense of humor will remain as will everything that I hold near and dear to my heart. First and foremost, family.
My appearance will change in some ways, my voice will get higher, my hair will get longer and possibly come in fuller. How I dress will change, but some of it won't change much from what I wear now. Basically, I will look as though I had a twin sister.
I hope that I will continue to have your love and support, but I know that this is not an easy thing to ask and may take a long time. I am willing to wait as long as needed. I will give you all the time in the world to get used to the new me, I didn't get here overnight, myself. I've had my entire life to get used to it. I know that it will be hard for you to adjust to a new name, and new pronouns, but it is ok.
I love you both, with all my heart and with all my soul.