"We are One"
This past Thursday, I told my Conservative, Baptist parents...
This is what was read, as closely as possible through the streams of tears last Thursday.
Pause every couple of sections for gut wrenching emotions, where I broke down and my dad, gently and politely said, "It's OK. Breathe and keep talking."
I was going to record this, but decided that I could not have any record of this very private moment. This was a moment that was between the three of us, to be shared only by my memory of the event and what I could write immediately following. With the overwhelming show of acceptance and love, this will be a memory that will be with me forever.
Ok...NOW here it goes......
Mom, Dad, I have something I need to tell you.
It is something that has been itching to be told for quite some time. Since I was a kid.
This is going to be hard for you to hear. You' may think that you did something wrong in my upbringing, that isn't the case. You may think something is wrong with me, that isn't the case. You may be a bit confused, but I can try to help you through this. I can try to explain it to you the best I can.
This is something that has been with me from my earliest memories. It's something I tried to tell you time and time again, but I was too afraid to say anything. Too afraid to disappoint you. Too afraid to lose you. There were times that seemed right and there were times when I knew I should not say a word.
This has nothing to do with how you raised me. You did a tremendous job. I am openhearted to all. I am there for my family and my friends. I do not judge. I help anyone I can in whatever way is possible.
This has been a heavy burden to carry and with each person I've told, the weight has lightened. I wanted to make sure I waited until after your anniversary, because I wanted nothing to distract from your celebration. I wanted to ensure that your happiness, family and friends came first.
I am seeing a therapist and have been talking this through with him. I have been talking with friends. I have lost a couple, but most are here, supporting me, holding me up, keeping me from falling.
I remember coloring my nails with crayons and markers, only to scrape them off before you got home, or anyone could see. I remember feeling much more in tune with the girls in my classes and not even close to fitting in with any of the boys. I remember playing with Anita Glenn's Barbie makeup head, holding it up to my own, and seeing what long hair actually felt like. When I was little, I would pray that I was dreaming and would wake up, with everything set right. That I would wake up, as I knew I was supposed to be, and nobody would be hurt. I would pray that this would simply go away. Neither of those prayers were necessarily answered, but I feel that everything I have felt and gone through, have led me to this day. Again, since my earliest memories, I knew something was not right about me. My internal feelings did not match my external appearance. I had an idea, but had no idea where to turn to find out for sure.
What I am about to say will not be easy to hear. It is almost just as difficult to say, but here it goes.
I am going to transition from male to female. I have been moving toward this over the past couple years, slowly, but have felt this my entire life. It will take a couple more years for it to fully take effect, but I will be living as a female. Joy and Logan both know and are supporting me through this. Some of the extended family knows and they, too, are supporting me through this. They will mourn the loss of Steve, but will always love, and be there for me, no matter what. Even though Joy is supportive to the very end, our marriage will end because of this and I cannot or will not think ill of this decision. We will remain the best of friends. We have been best friends for the pst 22 years, this is not going to change a thing.
I will still be me. Your child. My love and appreciation for you both will not change, but continue to grow, as I do. My corny sense of humor will remain as will everything that I hold near and dear to my heart. First and foremost, family.
My appearance will change in some ways, my voice will get higher, my hair will get longer and possibly come in fuller. How I dress will change, but some of it won't change much from what I wear now. Basically, I will look as though I had a twin sister.
I hope that I will continue to have your love and support, but I know that this is not an easy thing to ask and may take a long time. I am willing to wait as long as needed. I will give you all the time in the world to get used to the new me, I didn't get here overnight, myself. I've had my entire life to get used to it. I know that it will be hard for you to adjust to a new name, and new pronouns, but it is ok.
I love you both, with all my heart and with all my soul.
Your child........
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Comment by Galina Edwards on October 15, 2012 at 7:24pm -
That took the will power of a woman Jennifer. Although your journey is beginning, you are putting your feeling out there to you two most important people. I could only think and you may have said this, I will always love you all forever not matter what your decision.
Most of have been there and others will have to make that same confession. It will not be any easier for them.
So carry on and be the best woman you can be.
Hugs, Galina
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Comment by Rachel King on October 16, 2012 at 5:25am -
Jennifer, I am truly proud of you and I hope now that that burden you have carried for so long will be lifted.
Life is amazing when you can live as yourself and not the lie.
All the trials and tribulations you have endured, all the bad moments that will crop up over the next few years will pail into insignificance in your being able to live true.
Your congruence awaits.
Enjoy the journey.
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Comment by Julia Giannopoulos on October 16, 2012 at 7:51am -
Jennifer, Bravo! Be proud of yourself. If only more people had the guts to do what you just did they would be that much farther along.
Continue to hold your head high Jennifer.
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Comment by Emily Kathryn Burtz on October 16, 2012 at 10:08am -
I told my parents six months ago as well. Like yours, they are very conservative, southern baptist people; I was raised in the baptist church. It went better than I had expected, but they continue to think they have done something wrong in my upbringing. Its going to take time.. but bravo! It really is one the hardest things any of us have to go through. Kudos! You're doing so good!
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Comment by HELEN BRADY on October 16, 2012 at 10:10am -
I was overwhelmed by the way you presented yourself. I am happy for you, that you have such acceptance.
My children are accepting of me as I am, and I wish so much my mother had lived to see me now. I fear that my father who died in 1984 would never have accepted me.
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Comment by Nicole Aime on October 16, 2012 at 5:49pm -
What a great moment, and what gracious words! I'm happy for you. I'm happy for your family.
It's natural for parents to start trying to figure out what they did wrong. It seems parents get blamed for everything. When I told my 88 year old mom, after she asked several questions to try to understand, she said, "Is this my fault?" You got to love 'em. They will come to an understanding.
You done good!
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Comment by Jennifer Winslow on October 16, 2012 at 7:03pm -
Thank you all so very much.
Everything involved in this journey, so far, has gone perfectly. This was the next positive.
Really, from here, I do not care who is accepting or not. I have the love of my parents.
When I had finished, my dad came over to me, arms outstretched, and had me stand up for a hug. The first double armed hug I have received from him. We hugged for a long time. As I pulled away, the tears were streaming down his face. I told him not to do that and he replied, "I can't help it" with a huge smile on his face.
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Comment by Suzanne Verde on October 16, 2012 at 7:30pm -
Jennifer — Thank you very much for sharing your story. It took a lot of courage to come out to the folks that you love. I can well imagine the sense of relief that you must feel after keeping your feelings suppressed for so many years. I hope that the road ahead for you goes well, and the feminine feelings within your being will now be able to flourish and be expressed without any further inhibitions. Hugs, Suzanne
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Comment by Caroline Grace on October 16, 2012 at 10:39pm
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Integrity and love in action - that's a powerful combination. It will take some time for this to settle in for them. They have to transition, too, so give them time to adjust. Still, this is a super wonderful start...
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Comment by Brenda Kaitlin on October 17, 2012 at 5:05am -
Thanks so much for sharing. I came from that same Baptist upbringing. I know your letter is personal, but it could be a model for coming out to parents.
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