Every day I face the world, feeling like I have been hiding myself away for so long. Daily, I have been able to slowly peel back the layers of the "real" me. I have been able to slowly integrate my personal life into my professional world. At first I was very scared to tell anyone how I felt. I still find it a scary moment to tell someone that I am in transition. The fear comes from my youth. I felt like I had to ignore what I was feeling, because I would be disowned by my family.
I wasn't too far off with the disownment from my father. Many bad things happened in my life. I never knew who my father really was, and I wanted to find out. I came out to this stranger, told him how I felt, that I was a lesbian. It took a lot of courage to even talk about it, with him. How do you come out to someone who you should have had a better relationship with, but never even really knew? Would it change his mind to get to know his "daughter"? I never really thought what really happened, would have ever happened. I always thought he was a better man, not one of criminal intent. I had no idea that his idea of getting in touch with me was to touch me inappropriately.
What happened to me, and later I found out to my step-sister, should never happen to anyone. This was the time that I started to get the help I needed to get through the trial. This is the time that I started to talk about how I was feeling inside, that I didn't feel like a girl. Through this counseling, I found a little of myself. I found a definition of who I was, Omnigendered. This "outing" was the very beginning of my metamorphosis.
The change I am making inside gets easier and easier to identify. The clairvoyant moments keep me yearning and pushing forward. I talk about what it means to me to be transgendered, with people almost on a daily basis. They have questions, they don't want to offend but want to ask. I reassure them that it is on the education of what it is to be transgender, that it does not offend me. I have had many successful declarations of the real me. The scary moments to tell people that you assume will try to ignore you, have actually been the complete opposite. These are the people that I find want to connect with me even more; to support me in this journey of my life. They ask what I prefer.
Should I say he? If I accidentally don't use the male pronoun will you be offended? Would you prefer to be called Sir? These are just a few of the questions that I get asked. I assure them that if they slip and call me she, I wouldn't be mad or upset. I find it flattering that they try to use the pronoun I prefer. My favorite moment this week was the moment when a co-worker of mine, after we had a great conversation about our day, loudly and proudly bid me goodbye. "Well Sir, I hope you have a great afternoon!" I could feel all the smiles of other co-workers around us; smiles that were welcoming, supportive and with sincerity. That rings in my heart daily since. "Well Sir, I hope you have a great afternoon!"