The uncertain future

Comment by Caroline Grace on April 28, 2011 at 10:40am

Tough spot to be in...

It seems to me you know what's in your heart... transitioning is what you want... and others want other things from you first...

My suggestion is that you talk to your therapist about this...

Kids can be really great, so there can be some advantages to you to having them. It also creates more challenges to your economic situation which doesn't sound so good right now if you feel that you don't have any other place to live.

To be honest, the way I read what you put here is that you know by staying where you are you are heading down the wrong path. If that's how you believe, then I'd say it's time for a change in your relationship and your living situation. Sadly many of us have been there before..

Best wishes for whatever path you choose...

Caroline

Comment by Ayana Lynn on April 28, 2011 at 1:20pm

Well at the time being, I have no where to go and being a poor college student, I can only afford so much which is at my gf's family's place.
And also my gf doesn't believe in ivf. I have tried to talk to her about various clinics, but it did not persuade her in any way what-so-ever

Comment by Sylvia on April 29, 2011 at 12:10pm

Looking for advice? Find a way to communicate the truth to your GF about who you are and all that you are. If you have to take it a step at a time, then do it that way. Set your goal though to be that of having your GF know your true and authentic self before you commit to marriage or bringing children into this world. If she still wants to move forward with that plan - then you both need to be onboard with what that will mean - and what that will look like, both in your own relationship and to others. It will not just be your transition - it will be hers as well. But don't panic, life takes time to unfold, come up with a plan... stick to it as best you can, weigh your options, create your own safety net and be prepared to fall into it if you must.
Your therapist should be able to help you in this regard.
Good luck and congratulations for having the courage and fortitude to begin pursuing an authentic life!
It wont be easy, but I think you will find that it has its rewards.

Sylvia

Comment by Bobbi Lombardo on April 29, 2011 at 2:23pm

I ca only tell you that if you go the way you are considering that your choices will be infinitely more complex and the chance that you or your children and wife will be hurt is far greater. Think long and hard about who you are and communicate clearly with your GF. It is not just about hurting others it is also about hurting yourself.

Namaste
Bobbi

Comment by Nicole Aime on April 30, 2011 at 12:10am

You've received some very good advice here. You must know yourself and be honest with yourself before you can be honest with others. You must talk this through with your (may I assume) fiance'. She needs to understand what transition means, and decide whether she can live with that or not. Doing things behind her back will not build trust, it will only cause harm.

You are young, and I assume your fiance' is too. I see a pattern of dependency and manipulation developing here. You feel trapped, she feels she can change you. Now it is, "Wait to transition until you father our children because I do not believe in in vitro fertilization." What will it be after you are parents? "Please wait until the kids are grown?" Even if she is innocent of manipulation, she is showing a lack of understanding of what being transsexual means to you.

Life takes financial resources. Being married takes more. Having kids even more. Now, add the cost of transition - both medical and the (unfair) reduction in earning power of you becoming a woman. If you feel you cannot live without the support of your fiance' and her parents, then do you even have enough where-with-all to be considering marriage - or having children?

I don't want to sound mean, but I want you to think. I do not know how compelling transition is to you. Some people can go slow, some people must go fast. Only you can know. But you must work this out for yourself, and with your girl friend before you consider bringing new life into this world.

Comment by Bobbi Lombardo on April 30, 2011 at 12:21am

Amen, Sister

Comment by Lauren Elisabeth Tancyus on April 30, 2011 at 12:06pm

Darlin' no matter what path you ultimately choose, you don't have to throw away your therapist. Obviously, your therapist is someone you feel safe with and with all the ups and downs to come, she will be there to help you work through what will come.

Comment by Ayana Lynn on May 4, 2011 at 11:14am

I apologize for the late reply girls. Finals was around and that had to be taken care of first. You all gave some really great advice and I thank you for it.

I think my gf doesn't really understand what it is to be trans, mainly because I don't express it enough I guess? She thinks I can just be patient and do this at another time and that has put me under a lot of stress. What I don't understand is that if she supports me, why does she refuse the whole ivf?
A friend said to be that I shouldn't let her dictate when I can be happy with myself

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