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"We are One"

Over this holiday season I told my 26 year-old son about my transgenderism and my intent to continue my transition to womanhood.  I prefer to do these things face-to-face and having told his sister back in September with great success, this was my first opportunity to see him (he lives in Chicago).

 

He was going to spend 2 weeks here.  We had plans for skiing and other holiday festivities, but little did he know that I had something that would spice things up. 

 

One complicating factor was his very serious girlfriend, from Houston, came along, plus her father (a Texas good ole boy) was going to drop in for a 4 day visit starting on the 25th.

 

Immediately upon their arrival on the 18th, it was apparent that he and his girl friend were not letting one another out of their sight.  So I enlisted my daughter as a co-conspirator to get them separated the next day.  The “girls” went out shopping and a girl’s lunch out, so I convinced my son we should go out to lunch, but it took some convincing.

 

I took him downtown and we stopped at a sandwich shop that does counter service.  I chose that place so we wouldn’t keep having a waitperson constantly interrupting us.  After finishing our sandwiches, I read him my prepared speech.

 

His reaction was mostly matter of fact.  It’s hard to get an emotional response from him on anything anyway.  It didn’t seem to repulse him.  He just seemed a bit confused, because this came at him out of left field.  He had no idea this was a part of me.  He searched his memory for telltale signs and could find none (he just wasn’t very observant).  I encouraged him to ask questions, but he didn’t have much.  Just, am I serious about this and why his mom hasn't left me?  I tried to answer a few questions that weren’t being asked, but he wasn’t in a chatty mood.

 

I had chosen to tell him early in his visit so that he would have time to assimilate what I told him while I was immediately available to answer questions.  However, during the following days little, if any, dialog occurred.  He told his girl friend, because she had become suspicious when we separated them.  He asked that we not discuss the topic with his girl friend present and I agreed.  She seemed interested, but wanted to remain neutral for this family revelation.

 

I did get some reports from my spouse and daughter that were encouraging.  He was more willing to talk to them about it.  They’ve been tremendously supportive so the message he got from them is ‘everything’s ok’.

 

Finally with 2 days left to his visit and the girl friend’s dad gone, he came to me and asked to see some pictures.  He had no visible reaction.  Once again, just matter of fact.  He said his concerns were related to how many memorial services he should hold if I die: one for me as a female or two: one for those who knew me as male and another for those who knew me as a female. 

 

He also asked if he could show the pictures to his girl friend.  He took them to her and returned quicker than I expected.  Not sure how to take that.  Hopefully, they just wanted to check to make a linebacker in a drag wasn’t going to spoil their wedding (if they get married). 

 

My spouse also relayed a conversation she’d had with my son and his girlfriend.  She had told them that my concern about telling him was its impact on his relationship with his very very serious girl friend.  The girl friend’s response was that I should be very proud of the great son I’d raised and know that she was steadfast in her love for him. 


They also told my spouse that they’d decided that if they get married, knowing it might be at a time when I occasionally crossdress as a man, that there should be two sets of photos taken, one traditional (i.e. me as a man) and one set with the true me so that I can have a set that truly reflects the family.  Also, they’ve decided if they have kids that they will have one grandfather (her dad) and two grandmothers (my spouse and I).

 

All this was very touching and told me that they were well past the idea of accepting or not accepting and were looking at how to adjust to the new reality.

 

I really didn’t expect my son to want to now chat with me about fashion and makeup as my daughter had.  After all, while my daughter and I now have more in common, my son and I have less.  He’s also reacting as most guys would, non-emotional and factual.  Although, I would have thought he’d be more curious about the community, the genre, and some of the clinical aspects.  But that’s him.  Nothing much shocks him. He’s a live and let live dude.

 

So now both my kids know and both are accepting and supportive.  I’m so proud that they’ve grown into respectful, open-minded individuals. It’s making my life so much easier.  I couldn't be happier.

Views: 6

Comment by Marsha M. Marsha on December 30, 2010 at 7:53pm
I had a feeling from the beginning of these talks with the kids there would be happy endings because I have a good understanding of the type of open minded person you are and I had deduced your children would take after you. I am thrilled for you, dear sister.
Comment by Lauren Elisabeth Tancyus on December 30, 2010 at 8:58pm
Wow! I'm so very happy for you!
Comment by Zoe A. Tipsword (Farren) on December 30, 2010 at 9:33pm
Very cool ^_^, Get him and his girl the book true selves it may help.
Comment by Jillian Munsell on December 31, 2010 at 7:41am

The comment that you would be referred to a one of the "grandmas" seems most telling to me.

They are looking at how your relationship in the future WILL work.... not wont work.

I am very happy for you!

Jillian

Comment by Rachel King on January 5, 2011 at 2:17am

I reckon you could light up the sky with the burden of that log lifted off your shoulders Tegan.

Proud of you and your beautiful son.

 

This is what Pe is about.

Comment by Jennifer Winslow on January 5, 2011 at 9:22am
This is a great story. Thank you for sharing it with us. I could feel everything you were going through.

I remember the all out fear I had over telling my daughter (My wife has known since we were married). I am always jumpy when it comes to her dating as well. How will her boyfriend take it?

It didn't phase my daughter at all, which I thought not, we raised her to be open minded and accepting (not just tolerant) of others.

The thought of transitioning raises new worries about her in-laws and the wedding itself (which is a ways off, I hope).

The good thing is that she has a good head on her shoulders. She wouldn't be with a guy (or girl) that didn't accept people as she did. I think this would carry over to the parents of said flame as well.
Comment by Aimee Arundel on January 5, 2011 at 5:42pm

Holly,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I had to tear up a bit as I read it cause it made me think of how I think my own son will react when I tell him. His mother and I are already divorced but I promised I wouldn't say anything to him while he was still a teenager.

 

Like you, I believe that I have brought up my son to be an open minded and excepting person but I'm not ready to bet the farm on it just yet when it comes to revealing I'm one of those people he needs to be open minded and excepting with. :) Until then I continue to live in the shadows of the truth waiting for the day when I can finally check the reveal to him off my list of things to do.

 

I'm so happy you have the love and support of your daughter and spouse.

 

xoxoxo

Aimee

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