Gosh ,It's been so long... I just want to say that I know I left here abruptly and almost as quick as I became a member... I was given an altimatum by my girlfriend to either give up eveything that has to do with my "trans" side or lose her for good... I have never loved anyone more than her nor have I ever felt the love she has shown me at anytime in my life. I didn't hesitate. Within days our relationship grew and flourished. I cut my hair, threw away all "my" clothes and gradually began turning back into the man she wanted and I thought I needed to be. All was well for a while. But, then I started to become more withdrawn,depressed,agitated and just plain unhappy. I began to drink more heavily,I quit one job and got let go from another one because of this... I don't know what the future holds for me. I don't know if I will ever be "truly" happy... I do know this though, I gave up on being "ME" to try and find someone to love me and not be alone the rest of my life only yo become more depressed, angry,self-destructive and lonlier than I was before. I gave up the most honest, true, sincere,and loving friendships that I have ever known to be "loved"... I absolutely adore the woman I'm with!! she's a great person,friend,lover and mother... the one thing she is not though is accepting of "me" and that has made me doubt and question my own acceptance of myself... I apologize to the women on here who I became friends with and who gave me guidance,advice,an ear and their hearts without asking for anything in return except for my friendship. I didn't mean to mislead you girls in anyway or take ya'll for granted.... Ya'll are the truest most unselfish friends I heave ever had!!!! I'm sorry for turning my back on ya'll and not saying anything. But, most importantly I'm sorry for turning my back on myself and believing that I could ever be anything else but EMMA!!!!
Please forgive me and I hope to talk to ya'll soon...