Sorry...

Comment by Dal Maxwell on August 19, 2012 at 9:37am

Emma - I don't think I knew you when you were here but I can say that many of us think that we can 'get it all'; the man or woman of our dreams, transition, a good job, and a no-hassle life.  My thought on your relationship is that if you were destined for each other, SHE would be a little more tolerant of your situation and love you for you, not an image. 

My friends have pegged my own problem, being that I was looking for women who I idealized, with characteristics I wished to embrace as a woman.  (Plus.....they were all straight).  When I stopped looking for 'myself' things started going better and I was better able to meet my own expectations.  I still haven't found 'the one' but I was in a relationship for eight years.

Don't sell yourself short but, at the same time, don't try to be someone you can't be to please someone else.  One of OUR hardest realities to face is that there may not be someone out there for every one of us.  But if we come to know and get comfortable enough with ourselves, we may be alone but we won't be lonely!

Comment by HELEN BRADY on August 19, 2012 at 11:47pm

I have just about given up on having someone love me other than my longtime gg friend who truly does ("not that way!") and my SO who is another transwoman (not sure about things but know she loves me.)

Had a year long flirtation with a gg I met at work, that cost me $3000. Lesson learned.

Comment by Bethany Davis on August 20, 2012 at 3:17pm

Contentment is the key, love yourself and sincerely communicate with everyone that is worth the time and you will be experiencing all that is good. ? What has she sacrificed to be with you?

Comment by Jacqueline Waters on August 24, 2012 at 6:53am

You can't live for other people. If you are truly Emma then the girl you love does not love you...she loves the false projection of you...and it is false and it is not true love. Sorry to say this, but I will always be honest...your SO may or may not go away but Emma won't. You can surpress it, you can try to hide it but eventually you will be back. Trying to be a "real man" to satisfy the needs or desires of another is a futile attempt that is bound to eventually fail anyways. I know this from personal experience.

Comment by Rachel King on August 24, 2012 at 9:11am

Emma, I say this often and it is true as the day you were born.

" You can take the person out of transgender but you can never take the transgender out of a person."

You can hardly blame your partner for rejecting you as a trans person.

She fell in love with a man and what did she get for her troubles?

Few women are lesbian and as a heterosexual woman, she is entitled to expect that her "man" will remain her man.

Pretty shitty deal for us, but that is the reality, sadly.

You already know in your own mind what is right for you, it is merely timing that needs to be worked out.

Transitioning is hard work with a lot of pain involved but that is what we face in the search for our identity and that is the bottom line.

What are we as human beings if we have no identity.

I admire your grasp on your situation and I hope you can find the resolve to do what needs to be done but please remember, it takes a support network of friends and/or family to achieve your aim, you cannot, transition on your own and it takes money, lots of it, so you need to get your act together and find a job that fits you, pays ok and preferably will allow you to transition in your own time.

A pretty tall order but money is the one thing that makes a trans persons wheel turn round and thats a fact.

I really do think you will have to favce the truth with your partner.

At the moment you are doing what I did, destroying the relationship by stealth.

I have deeply regretted my lack of understanding and failure to face up to my inevitable path and the freedom I found once I faced my fears and my truth, is something I will be forever grateful for doing.

But be warned, I was ready to transition, I was ready to pay the price of transition and I was ready to not let anything stand in my way of transitioning.

That's what it takes.

I wish you well in your journey, don't rush it and make solid decisions before you commit to this path.

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