Something to think about...

Comment by Shirley on June 15, 2011 at 3:36am

Any time - is the right time - to find some happiness in life - one never stops learning or evolving - We just follow our "OWN" cycles - I like to think - I am the captain of my own ship... / Stay happy & well - Shirley

Comment by Caroline Grace on June 15, 2011 at 12:27pm

Right on! 57 on my next birthday, so I know first hand about the things you mentioned here...

Comment by Genivieve Le Duc on June 15, 2011 at 1:58pm

Traci-
exactly right! The world BEFORE the internet! Before awareness of others, resources, support, SRS, FFS surgeons, laser hair removal, global medical travel, etc. etc. The younger girls really have no idea how daunting and impossible the journey seemed unless you were already most of the way there genetically. My only way of knowing others even existed is because the kinks' song LOLA! Lou Reed, Aerosmith and the Scorpions later all added that there were "Dudes" that looked like ladies! My search finally led me to a bar in Studio City (LA area) in my late 20's. Finally I met other people, who, like me, had been experiencing the same thing. By then, I was married with kids. I've "hung in there for more then 20 years to fulfill my responsibilities, struggling through a divorce and broken relationships. All of that, largely for lack of information! So I truly identify with this perspective and applaud you pointing it out!

Comment by Traci O'Gara on June 15, 2011 at 2:48pm

Thnx Genivieve (love the name!!!!) I started thinking "why" there were so many of us who were late to "get there"...it never was about not having the gumption or whatever term gets tossed about so frequently and then it just began to make sense..your story is just like thousands of us "late bloomers"...shoot, I have pix of me dressed in my mom's or sister's clothing at age of 3, 4, 5, etc., but no sooner would they get developed and brought home and somehow my father would catch on and it would be off to the ol' woodshed for a serious "discussion". I mean, they HURT! I just gave up asking my folks to let me be a girl and allowed it to fester within forever...but like you, I felt obligated to fulfill my commitments to a person who I loved dearly and just wished that maybe the in "next life" Gawd would get it right!
@Caroline...I'm not sure how many active members there are in PE, but I would be interested in the demographics broken down by age and then anonymously poll the older generation to see if they too lived out life without hope....my guess is that of our group, over 90% or even higher just gave in to the "norm" in their early adulthood but have come forth maybe in the past 5-10 years as their prospects for actually achieving their wishes became better!
@Shirley....I'm not sure where you grew up or how old you are, but back then in most of the country, it was about impossible to achieve it regardless of one's desires or "cycles". You could probably count the successful transitions on one hand...in fact, any time someone DID make the switch, it was like front page news!
Anyhow, I'm not complaining...it just how things worked out back then...I just wish the chatter in the blogs across the web wasn't so negative about the older girls...I still feel strongly that we're all in the same "set" to use a math term and that the "subsets" are truly linked together by a common thread...and for all of us to emerge as being "accepted" by society is going to take some doing on all the subset's part to recognize that there is strength in numbers as it applies to getting favorable legislation, civil rights, etc....until we figure THAT part out from within, we'll continue to have a long, bumpy road going forward. (gawd, count all the cliches!! LOL)
Love you all!
Traci

Comment by Nicole Aime on June 15, 2011 at 4:19pm

I spent a day reading some of the chatter on the web, and then came right back home to Pe.

I'm 59, but have been aware of being female since I was 10 or 11. Though I may never get to transition fully (life plus presentation) because of the commitments I made before I knew there was an alternative, I have learned how to be me.

On Dr. Leis' site he has an example of a 76 year old SRS patient. Her story is heartwarming and inspiring. Only a woman would be able to give of herself so completely for so long.

If you find some young TS who wants to talk trash about any of us old people, just show them the wisdom, patience, dignity, class and graciousness that comes from your years of being a woman. They need the lesson.

Comment by Sylvia on June 16, 2011 at 2:20pm

As another -(ahem) "older" trans woman - I have to chime in here as well and say that as a child or even as a teenager - there was no "option" or even knowledge that a "transition" of any sort was possible.
In fact such a thing was a certain impossibility, nothing that could ever have been seriously considered.
Sure - there was a "dream" which in my reality was simply pure "fantasy" and not something I could ever consider could be realized. I remember being fascinated by those songs (Lola - Ziggy Stardust etc) but had no way to relate those songs to my own life. And anything that I did hear about was always related to sex, which for me, was not the connection I was looking for or even wanted. In fact - the sex connection to the Trans... word was something that made me even want to further deny (to myself) and bury any thoughts, feelings or outward emotions about me feeling like or wanting to be female. That stuff was locked up tight...and only let out in secret and in private and was usually followed by some amount of extreme guilt and/or self disgust afterward for having allowed it out of its box. You know the story.
So - I think we older women are doing the harder thing - to start in our mid or even later years to try and reshape our lives by uncovering those long held notions that our true selves are not just a product of our screwed up imaginations that we learned to cover up, bury, disguise, pretend or prove that they didn't exist.
We have a much longer history to unravel, more baggage to unpack and discard, more layers to ourselves and our lives to peel back in order to get at the truth that had been covered up for so long - and many of us also have more "others" interests to consider and weigh the consequences of in relation to our actions. So - I do think it is harder.. so we should be congratulated I think - a little pat on our backs to acknowledge our struggle that hopefully will become a thing of the past - a part of history unique to our era. We aren't the discoverers - but we are the pioneers - doing the hard work.. clearing the ground, planting the seeds, enduring the elements, paving the way for the young who will claim it as their own.

But we also know how the young can have a lot of "attitude" about them and any of us with children of our own will know that when they become teenagers and young adults - they somehow become "all knowing" and are quick to dismiss our knowledge, experience and advice or simply throw us under the bus completely. The thought that we may have had anything to do with who they are - despite us having raised and cared for them their whole lives - is, to them - simply unthinkable and borders on the absurd. Such is the way with young adults.

But you give them a few years to figure out that they don't know all they think they know and eventually they will begin to re-assess us and appreciate that same knowledge, experience and advice that they dismissed out of hand not so long ago.

There are also lessons for us to learn from these young, passionate trans women and men as well. As we watch them take control of their own lives as we never had the opportunity to do and to change the world that we are all a part of, we should be inspired by their actions and accomplishments, despite their ignorance of our situations. Perhaps their ignorance is a blessing as they simply don't or can't see the obstacles that once stood in our way when we were in that time of our lives. I am so thankful for them that they do have the opportunity and means to live the lives they were meant to live.

Comment by Nicole Aime on June 16, 2011 at 4:26pm

OK, one more thing. I have noticed many young TS women who, even with all the benefits of the information age, seem hell bent on living a replay of my life. Perhaps, what we older girls blame on lack of information, is really human nature. One thing that has not changed is life pressure. By "life pressure" I mean the pressure that family, friends, society, media and religion places on people to conform to the norm. And young people, despite their legendary rebelliousness, want to please, want to do right, want to be successful, want to fit in, and don't want to be alone. It's too bad that we are still living in the city of the animated movie, The Point.

Cyndi Richards once lamented to me how so many older girls do not lite into the younger girls who they see making the same mistakes we did, the mistakes that caused so much heartache, not just for us, but, more importantly, to the people we love. In reply, I speculated that, for some people, their own guilt and pain just may be so intense that they can't talk, or are too embarrassed to talk about it. Also, not everyone has the ability to exhort - to come alongside someone and encourage them to do what is right. It takes all kinds of people to make a great site like Pe.

I for one will never cease to come along side the young'ins, and bore them with my story. If they do not listen, I will cry for them, pray for them, and wait for that time when they are willing to listen.

Comment by Candace Lane on March 5, 2012 at 7:19am

Well said Traci *applauding*

Comment by Traci O'Gara on March 5, 2012 at 4:40pm

Funny...how random was this thread reposting?  It was like a year ago from the original post...thought it had died!  (grin)  

Subject is valid though as I've read quite a few blogs criticizing the "late-in-life" transitiioners as not being "real" according to the elite "trannier-than-thou" knuckleheads...those girls do not know how lucky they are!  Personally, I feel that any girl m2F making the jump (or guy too as in f2M) are as "real" as it gets.  Nobody in their right minds chooses to do this for sport and I know I am totally sane...

Best wishes always to all...

traci xoxo

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