Second visit to gender specialist in Portland

Well I made it up for another appointment with my therapist in Portland.  I have a LOT of stuff to work on.  My guilt over who and what I am has got to change.  That will be a really tough challenge for me. I am taking on way too much responsibilty for my current home situation and allowing it to bury me with guilt.  That isn't to say that I have no control  over or responsibility for my actions.  I am just looking at the situation from a wrong perspective.  I didn't choose to be transgendered and I don't know who in their right mind would.  Rachel mentioned to me in a previous comment that I treat this like I have the plague or some dreaded disease.  She was absolutely right.  You see that is the difference in what I mentioned in an earlier blog about making information into revelation.  It is becoming revelation to me now.  Thank you Rachel for pointing this out to me.  This is how we help each other here.  Those of you who have been where I am now can really only watch and hope to be there to help when I fall.  It is like watching a toddler plodding around the house.  You know you can't walk for them and you know they are going to fall and get hurt.  There is nothing you can do other than be there to help the child get back up when they fall brush them off give them a kiss and send them on their way knowing the next fall is coming really soon.  That is because you have the experience and knowledge to know the dangers and pitfalls of what lies ahead.  Foresight into what could be because of experience.  I need that type of mentorship.  When my oldest was young I was able to teach him what hot was at about age three.  The way that I did this  was by setting him on the counter next to the stove and letting him feel with his own hand the heat radiating off of a cooking pot.  He was able to feel it and I explained to him this is hot and it will hurt you if you touch it with your hand.  My soon to be ex-wife said that really at that age a child shouldn't be able to grasp that concept but he did.  She is an expert in early childhood education and childhood development.  I hope that maybe you here can teach me some of the dangers that lie ahead without me actually having to risk my person and experience it firsthand.  The very most important thought that I would like to share with you in this post is this:  GUILT IS A POOR DECISION MAKER

This was shared by my psychologist at my second visit yesterday I sort of had a marathon therapist visit and took the day off work to do it.  I cried a lot, so much so that I got to the point where I couldn't cry.   All of you probably know what I mean.  Insomnia is not good so I am going to try and get a few more bits of sleep now.  I really appreciate your comments and encouraging words.  I need them, I need this forum.    Karen