"We are One"
Re-Emergence
"I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
WHATS GOIN ON?"
I never thought I would be here. Thirty-three, and on the cusp of thirty-four. Unwed. Divorced. Still in transition. Low-paying job that barely makes ends meet. Car that's falling apart. Tiny apartment in a city I don't know. Its like I woke up and started living someone else's life. A stranger has become me.
But here's the wierd thing; against all odds, I'm happy. I genuinely wake up every morning thankful for my life, grateful to the God who made me. I'm at peace with where I am in life. I make dinner for one most nights, get asked out to the movies or the theatre, or a dinner date occasionally on weekends, play my music on my tiny little spinet piano, and rarely have a moment when I look around myself and am miserable by what I see.
I'll be turning thirty-four years tomorrow, and rather than see that as yet another year older, I'm choosing to see it as a new beginning. I am un-born tomorrow. I become a new creature. This new women can do anything she likes. She has unlimited possibilities. She can be a flirt or a rapacious seductress. She could be a gourmand, or a vegan. She might be a soccer mom or a wiccan high priestess. She can be magic. She could be mundane. She might be a rockstar, wailing onstage with the voice of a thousand Joan jetts. Tonight, I wrap myself in my quilt, snug against the chill night air, and in the morning, I emerge, cocoon-like, a butterfly. No, a DRAGONfly. I become me tomorrow.
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Comment by Rachel King on October 21, 2011 at 10:03pm -
" When the going gets tough, the tough get going."
Welcome from your chrysalis.
At least you didn't emerge as Louie the Fly but a magnificent DRAGONfly.
bewdiful.
You are an example to all those who would hesitate to emerge from their lie.
In spite of all that is thrown at you, you are at least you.
be well.
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Comment by Nicole Aime on October 22, 2011 at 1:11am -
Thirty-four is my favorite number - have no idea why.
My 34th birthday was so long ago - don't remember it.
I will wake up tomorrow and be the best husband that a woman can possibly be.
I pray that somehow everyone could see that all their years leading up to transition were not a lie, rather it was their reality. Perhaps the guilt that so many feel, the guilt that drives so many to unhealthy and deadly endeavors, just perhaps that lie thing is the lie. It takes courage and strength to accept who we are and to change our reality if we must, but it also takes courage and strength to embrace our past.
Happy birthday young lady.
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Comment by mia sue on October 22, 2011 at 6:38am
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Happy Birthday Lana
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Comment by Marsha M. Marsha on October 22, 2011 at 10:33am -
Wow! Three of my favourites in one blog: "What's Up?", Joan Jett and my dear Lana
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Comment by Jodie Faux on October 22, 2011 at 11:27am -
Happy Birthday, and way to stay positive.
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Comment by Lana Fisher on October 22, 2011 at 11:49am -
Thanks to everyone for all the birthday wishes. I am un-born, and re-born today. O brave new me, who shall I become? :-)
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Comment by Rebicca Ellen Ray on October 22, 2011 at 1:53pm -
Oh my, that sounds so wonderfull.Hope its as great as it sounds :-)
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Comment by Caroline Grace on October 22, 2011 at 9:04pm
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You are so right... The script of our lives is unwritten and we get to write it...
It is tough when you get dropped off into a new world without a set of directions. Glad that you are okay with just figuring it out when the timing seems right... In many ways, I am a lot like you... Only I wish I was 34....
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Comment by Jillian Munsell on October 23, 2011 at 7:41am -
Happy belated birthday Lana
I was away almost all week and havent looked and PE at all.
You are so beautiful both inside and out!
Hope your day was wonderful and you have many more throughout the year
Love ya,..
Jillian
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Comment by Lynda on October 23, 2011 at 12:11pm -
Hi Lana,
Belated Happy Birthday.
You sound like a strong Womyn
Huggs Lynda
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