Paradigm Shift

Comment by HELEN BRADY on August 4, 2012 at 10:01am

I think I read everything you post, Michelle. I got very upset today when the cardiac technician in talking to the doctor kept referring to me as he on the phone. When we went to the counter to leave, she said it again, so I told her "please don't call me he." She patted my back and said "she" and then did it again.

My ID says female, I go into the hospital as a female, my insurance says female, and I told the company that if they ever sent me anything else addressed to Mr. Helen Brady, I would leave them immediately. They never did it again. So since I had never seen this person before, and I know I wasn't read, I am wondering where in my file does it show male? Everything I have given them is "F."

Comment by Dal Maxwell on August 4, 2012 at 11:11am

Michelle - I actually stop what I am doing; in this case preparing to rush out the door for an overly full Saturday schedule; JUST to read your commentaries.  I love the way you draw us in with meandering innuendo of a point, only to smack us silly towards the end.  Better than an 'Ah-nold' movie fer sher.  LOL

Comment by Allison Elizabeth on August 4, 2012 at 10:16pm

Michelle, I Love reading your posts and I adore your sense of humor. You have a wonderful way of adding humor to make a strong point in your presentation. Thank You. Now, next slide please!

Comment by Caroline Grace on August 5, 2012 at 7:36am

We agree again on so many items. hard to believe that you have such wisdom so early on in your transition to full time. You are awesome!

My approach was to overlook mistakes in pronouns and simply let others correct those who repeatedly made mistakes. Others will step up to do that for you, so you won't have to do it. I can't remember now when the last time was that somebody used the wrong name or pronoun. To be honest, it could have been last week or 6 months ago. It doesn't matter if someone gets it wrong for several reasons:

1) 99.999% get it right these days

2) I am transgender and I am okay with everybody at work knowing I am transgender. My transition was very public there.

3) In time, less and less of my coworkers will know I am transgender simply because old people leave and new people come in. As "my news" is no longer news and as people learn that my being transgender should not be the first thing they tell every new employee of mine.

4) Because others no longer tell new employees, I find myself in the position of outting myself to new employees that are my direct reports or their direct reports. Because I don't want them surprised by the news from others, I give them the respect to tell them myself. That way, if they are involved in conversation where it comes up, see an old email with old name, read an old report with my old name, or whatever other way they stumble across the name, they know how to connect the two properly.  And, oh yes, I am that passable these days so everyone is surprised when I share.

5) Because the "new me" is naturally coming out more and more, the "old me" is disappearing. I would love to say because "the real me" and "the fake me" but this would honestly be disingenuous as my old life is my real history for everybody around me and it is part of my liofe, too, though I still had the part that remained hidden from others.

You go gir!. In the coming year, you'll stop worrying 100% of the time about acceptance at work. It will drop to 98.7% within 3 months - meaning after a while you'll stop to take the temperature of how your organization is adjusting and then you'll go back to doing whatever it is you do. Over time, things will normalize and it will be rare that you will worry about how others perceive you. 

Wishing you the best always!

 

Comment by Laura Renee Lawrence on August 6, 2012 at 9:31am

Michelle, I don't always agree with you but I always know where you stand!  As far as reading through to the fourth paragraph to get to the point, well, that really is the point, isn't it?  You always make me think, you always make me laugh (sometimes out loud!),and you always give me another interesting perspective to blend into my own reality...who could ask for more?

Thank you, as always, for your engaging post.

Comment by Marsha M. Marsha on August 8, 2012 at 5:32am

Para digm = .$.20,which is about as much as most care about our gender incongruence.

Another fine post from our girl in wolf's clothing.

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