First I’d like to thank everyone for being so supportive on here. This is one of the hardest experiences of my life and it’s nice to know that there are people that care and are able to help and give advice.
I also want to apologize for not being on here several months at a time. It seems I go thru phases of trying to figure things out and get some understanding to compete depression. I wanted to at least say Thank You to everyone before I leave P.E.
Since February I have been in a nightmare. I have gone from having the relationship everyone admired, wanted, and envied…. to being pitied and rejected by others because of my spouses need to become female. “My friends” don’t exist anymore and my family says to get out of the relationship but offers no help. I have lost everything including my soul since this whole thing started. The one person that loved me, my soul mate, my best friend… now hates me, despises me, and can’t be in the same room with me. Lies to me, hides things from me, and can’t respect me or make any compromises in the relationship.
Why am I holding on? …..
Sometimes I think I hold on out of anger….sometimes love…. And then there’s the hope that maybe my spouse will change. Sad thing is, I know it’s over… My spouse doesn’t want to try anymore, has given up on everything, doesn’t want ANY responsibilities and wants to do whatever with no one to answer to.
What I don’t understand is my spouse can go out of the way to do things for other people and be there for others and not the one they married. Can mark important occasions for other like baby showers, birthdays etc… but can’t recognize our occasions or my birthday. How can someone tell you they love you and want to work things out but can’t be there for you in anyway? Comfort…. Selfish…. Doesn’t want to be alone…
Anyway… I could go on but it would end up a novel… Just needed to vent a little one last time. I wish all of you the best in your journey. I’ll be here for 1 more week as I would like see you’re input and then I will be closing my account. This is my spouses playground and don’t want to invade anymore space. If anyone would like to remain friends … please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I would love to still remain friends, just on a more private level without airing to much dirty laundry for everyone to see… Love to all!! :)