It dawns on me, as my week wraps up, I make invoices for the photo work I did this week, and wonder where I am going to get my scooter fixed, that I missed the second anniversary of my new (to me) kidney. Much like a used car, you always hope you get a good one, it will last a while, and it won't cause too many problems. Well.......usually.
In this case, my concern is tempered by the fact that as my illness progressed over the years, I was also dealing with the equally immediate issues surrounding transition. I have milestones a'plenty and in retrospect, the path behind me looks like a remnant of a Baja rally. Really though, considering the wear and tear on 'the track, who wouldn't expect a few potholes, veer offs, and 'flat tires'?
So AT this anniversary (which was Wednesday), I think that, considering the amount of potholes I DID go over, and the number of flat tires etc that slowed me down, I'm pretty happy to be where I am. I could say that dealing with catastrophic medical issues AND transition REALLY sucked, but in truth they did make me stronger. I mentioned to my aunt once, years ago, that they say that 'G*d only gives you as much as you can handle', to which my aunt replied (uncharacteristically) 'what a load of crap, you've already had plenty!'
The really sad thing is that my aunt passed away two weeks ago; I will miss her dearly. She was the first family member I came out to, back in '90 and it took me three years to reach out to anyone else (my brother in this case). So Dal, you must be wondering, have you lost your mind (again); is this going ANYWHERE? Actually......yes and no. The two topics are related.
If anyone had told me twenty years ago that I would be fully transitioned, except for SRS, with a very productive life, I would have slapped them. If anyone had told me ten years ago that I WOULD finish transition but there would be a catastrophy on my horizon, I would have snorted mightily. If anyone had told me in 2006 that I would recover way more than 50% of my health and go on to better things, I would have howled with laughter.
But now...........if anyone tells me that I can't do something that I know I can do, sooner or later as I still recover, I'd walk away from them. I still have my own weird stuff but I don't need anyone else dropping theirs on me. My lessons have been hard learned and harder implemented. My experience and wisdom comes from a state of perpetual semi-chaos. Maybe I should offer myself up in a softer, gentler way but truth be told with everything that has gone on, I take life much less for granted these days. I only lay about when I can't get out of bed for the day. Other than that, it's onward and...........well onward.
As to the WHY of this post, it is to say that I know fully well that everyone's path is different, circumstances ditto, and the ability to moove forward sometimes stifled badly. But when people seem to be bogged down in (what I have come to recognize as) minutae I try and throw a life-line, screamed for or not. I just can't stand seeing people drowning. But with the anniversaary I DO realize I have a new lease on life. I think I'll see about the part where it says don't be such a hardass with your new 'part' and let it settle in nicely.
Have a nice Memorial Day everyone. It can be a day to remember fallen trans people as well as vets, many of whom WERE trans people.