here I sit not understanding what I want. I know that I am not a "guy" yet I know that I am never going to be a "gal" either no matter what I do.
I love being a woman do not misunderstand, I think like a woman, I have hobbies that are feminine, I love to feel lots of emotions, but...That is the thing being unable to..I don't know connect somehow with the reality of the whole thing. I have been to the Dr's, they tell me that I am in fact a woman in my head.
I get all dressed go out and have a wonderful time but then I hit some sort of disconnect that who am I really? Who am I fooling, I am stuck looking like this, someplace in the ozone, neither here nor their.
So what does that mean that I am not truly TG the Dr's have said so. I don't like being a male, I would much rather be female, I know that. I just always thing what is the use, I will never BE a woman. So I (meaning female me) go away and try to live as best that I can.
However as all of you know that one can't go away because the female is so strong so overriding that it has to be exspressed and then its the same thing all over agin.
I know that truth is freedom and I should just start over but that is such a huge undertaking that I just cry and go on as it was. That is not a cure but a crutch and I know that. I am just trying to find out what and why I have a fatle flaw that prevents me from what I want.
I do think that I am just rambeling but I have to put down someplace what I am thinking.
Take care all.