not quite anything

Comment by Caroline Grace on May 20, 2010 at 10:33am

It is an interesting position to be in... Everything you wrote I could have written.

It is so hard to wrap your head around things. I did a great job of being a man in many ways... and was flop in others... go figure. There is so much to learn about my new gender expression... I'd be the worst role model for anyone trying to transition as far as looks and fashion are concerned. And still I know that I am excited about life again... that I can't wait to see what new are opened up to me... even my own thinking has shifted. I can tell the difference. And I am bit more emotional, though I'd say that hasn'tchnaged dramatically. I always was emotional. I share this to say that you'll find your way... the path isn't always obvious nor is the destination. But that might be okay. You might be exactly where you want to be at the moment. I remember an old saying, "All who wander are not lost!" Enjoy the discovery as you figure out who you are..

Comment by Nicole Aime on May 20, 2010 at 4:35pm

Heather. You are a woman. It doesn't seem like you are struggling with that. Perhaps what you are struggling with is feeling compelled to live your life as a man?

In your profile you state that you are married with children. I gather from one of the comments in your profile that you are 60. You also state in your profile that time and money holds you back. Here you imply that what you look like holds you back. So I'm curious, what is it that you consider to be a fatal flaw? Is it wife, family, age, finances, looks, or all / most of the above? This is what you need to be thinking about, and formulating a plan to deal with.

I am held back by my love for my wife. The fact that I am 58 years old, 6'1" and still weigh 265 pounds despite all of the weight I have lost is a secondary factor. I'm working on the weight, can't do anything about the height nor the age and I am doing my best to build up my wife's self esteem, as I see that is the major issue, not just for my transition, but in making our marriage as strong as it can be. For me, my faith provides strength and peace that allows me to be happy in my current circumstances. But beyond the faith, just the fact that I have a plan and I am working toward a goal keeps me going.

If you feel able, please let us know more about you and the issues that you are dealing with. There is a wealth of experience on this site, but if we don't know you, all we can do is write things like, been there, know what you are going through, it will be fine. Those things are all true, and provide encouragement, but don't really help you with the issue at hand. - Hugs

Comment by deja true on May 21, 2010 at 12:39pm

Lorraine is right! You have no "fatal flaw" if you're trying to live a truthful life without hurting anyone else. And rather than worry or obsess about all the "...why can't I...?"s, it would sure be time better spent to embrace the "what can I...?"s. Work towards positive goals that make your own and others lives happier and richer, rather than just the selfish goals that will please yourself alone. If you know that you just cannot attain the goal (for whatever reason) that you want for yourself, there is a great joy and satisfaction in helping others attain theirs.

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