"We are One"
Names.. an epiphany
I have a friend, whom I've known since college... which means I've known her for a lot of years.. a lot.
She is married to my old college roommate and at the time, she was introduced to me as " Rendy.". Rendy was Rendy for her whole life, which was a nickname she got when she was a little girl. Her real name is Roxanne. About 10 years ago, she decided, she really wanted to drop the baby name, and prefers Roxanne.
Roxanne introduces herself to others as Roxanne now. For all intent and purposes, Rendy is gone, except from those who have known her her whole life. He mom still calls her Rendy, and I have caught myself doing it too.
If you noticed, so far, this story has nothing to do with being Transgender. It is a GG woman who simply wants to use her birth name.
This past weekend, it hit me. Its hard for me to make the mental change... Rendy still just pops in my head, and I have to conscientiously work to use "Roxanne" when we speak. No gender change, no radical life changing condition, and still I slip up at times.
I guess my point is - I think we need to give our loved ones a bit more leeway, when names (and pronouns) are mixed up. Its difficult to always get it right, when you have known someone as one name, then have to relearn it. We draw from all the years of history together, and its just natural to reference that which we have known for years.
Further, I now know, how important this is to her. I blew it off before as unimportant, until I wrapped my own internal thoughts about self-acceptance around it, which lead to my epiphany. This is important to her, and how she identifies herself to the world. She is not a little girl anymore, and the least I can do is respect that.
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Comment by Dal Maxwell on July 31, 2012 at 10:12am
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Well said, Jillian
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Comment by HELEN BRADY on July 31, 2012 at 10:47am -
You are right. I must really give my siblings credit though, and also my children; they knew me for all of their lives up to my age 72 as my old name, and as my kids Dad. My oldest dtr calls me by my new name, but said she could never call me mom, which I understand. My son calls me dad in conversations, but he was very good about not calling me dad in public when we went out to eat. My sister very rarely ever slips up and uses my old name or gender. And my gf of 23 yrs still mourns "my late husband" but also loves me as my female self and name. And believe it or not, so do her kids and grandkids.
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Comment by Jillian Munsell on August 6, 2012 at 8:33pm -
At Daralyn
I would appreciate your comments to any of my postings WITHOUT personal comments which attack others.
I will not tolerate these digs to theirs who have taken the time to post their thoughts.
I am removing your comment.
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Sorry Jill. You are right, and it was uncalled for. My apologies for 'contaminating an otherwise decent thread.
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Comment by Jillian Munsell on August 6, 2012 at 8:49pm
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No worries Daralyn
I know you didn't mean it personally.. We are all so very passionate aren't we?
I love PE for the ways in which we support each other with our sincere thoughts and insights that allow us all to grow.
Thank you for your apology...
Jillian
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Sometimes Jill............we, well, I get caught up and don't turn the filter back on when wanting to say something but being somewhere else completely. As was the case here. Although I sometimes keep an eye in here while I am doing attention-draining things, like my outline for the Tuesday broadcast, that's still no excuse. I know that if it can't be nice, sometimes it could be put off. So thanx for pointing that out and I do enjoy your posts.
And now..........back to live action.
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