Nails, or "Why didnt I think of this before" ?

Okay, the past couple of times when I got my hair cut I didn't give a rats about how fem it appeared when I was dressed as a male. I cut my bangs where I wanted them (to hide my gargantuan foreslope, I mean forehead. Does that mean if I bump my head and remove skin I am giving myself a circum...never mind) I essentially wore a bob, and it looked awesome. When I dressed I simply hit it with a quick touch of the curling iron and off I went.

The last time ? We went through a catalog of styles and I decided on one that took advantage of my hair to curl naturally (I have a BUNCH of body to my hair and that makes it fun for my stylist to play with) we layered, cut and generally femmed my hair out. I go out in boys clothing for work, but I wear my bangs and my curls proudly. I have gotten many compliments on my hair from many women and a few men as well. Hmmmm, interesting.

So, long bad day at work. I am in "stress" mode. I am trying to decompress any way I can and all of the sudden it hits me "A mani" ! DUH !

I go to the local walmart (yeah, if it is going to backfire I don't want to pay too much for them) and proceed to get VERY noticeable french tips. At first, this is a real challenge, getting my credit card out ( "Would you please grab the pink card, yes, thats my Visa, it matches my phone, which, coincidentally is in my jacket pocket, see"? ) having to go potty and work a zipper (oh give me a break, they were MORE than fem enough, my best pair of butt hugging Sevens thank you very much) with nails - whoa - talk about learning curve. And, here is the BEST part, driving home in a one ton Chevy truck with a manual tranny (pun intentional) No, *I* am not Manuel, I only WISH I were Hispanic, my God, a natural tan year round ? Every time I go to grab the shifter I smack my brand new HUGE nails against the shifter knob. My nails keep hanging up on the turn signal lever and turning the wheel for parking. If I could accurately describe it one in four girls reading it would pee themselves. Me included.

I get home. I find out the secret that those smug little low-life GGs NEVER reveal about getting tips for the first time. YOUR NAIL BEDS ARE FREAKING SORE FOR HOURS AFTERWARDS !!!!!! They use a damn DREMEL tool to remove the top layer of nail so the product sticks properly.

Apologies to ALL GGs. excuse the low life remark, but the GG that went with me didn't warn me about that until AFTER I was admiring my new nails and the cute little pink butterfly sticker I had put on my right index nail. She indeed qualifies as a low-life. She is a C word and my buddy. She has NO problem setting me up for these nasty surprises and giggling insanely about them later, but, should I wind up in jail for doing something incredibly dangerous, stupid and really really fun, she wont throw my bail because she will be sitting next to me in booking saying "What a RUSH".

The point is I have learned how to use them finally. I already grabbed one man by the throat firmly and warned "I can always show you how good my grip is, and these nails don't break" Needless to say, he politely declined the demonstration. If someone has an itchy back I have JUST the tools (10 of them) that can cause a Bengal Tiger to purr like a kitty cat. And, if I am feeling down, I simply give myself a shampoo. Okay, admittedly that doesn't sound like much. But until you have given yourself a scalp massage with long hard nails, you have NO clue what pre-orgasmic really really means. You will understand the meaning of life. trust me on this.

So, nails, why didn't I do it sooner ? why didn't I toss out all my guy skivvies sooner ? Why didn't I tell everyone way back in my early twenties "Screw you guys - I'm going fem" ? (do that last quote in Cartman voice and it is almost funny). Simple answer ? Fear.

And that, is why I tell EVERYONE, including strangers "These boy clothes aren't really me, the nails, the hair the pretty earrings - thats who I am and the butterfly on my nail ? That's who I will eventually be, I am just in transition. A work in progress.

Feel free to check back later.