My thoughts as a Crossdresser stepping out into the world

Comment by Dal Maxwell on October 28, 2012 at 6:13pm

Donni - First of all, welcome to PE (unofficially).  I hope that you will find kindred spirits here who will help you become more self-accepting.  Can I make a few observations for your benefit?  (I hope you said yes)

1 - You don't have to do anything, and transition is certainly a long way from accepting yourself as a cross-dresser.  Unless you are feeling a pathological need to change your gender; if you are happy with where you are and your circumstances; no one should tell you what you must do.  That's for you to decide, and you should seriously look at the consequences before doing anything.

2 - Transvestite is no longer a credible, applicable term in most circles, social, medical, mental health.  These days, a cross-dress stands under the umbrealla of transgender (no ed at the end).  And that's okay; all kinds of people describe themselves as being a transgender. 

3 - I'm suspecting that you could use some company.  My first thought would be for you to check local classified for support/social groups.  One place I would start is by Googling the South Florida Gay News.  I know that you aren't gay but since you don't really belong to hetero-normative society, I'd wager that if transgender support groups are advertising, that might be the place.

4 - There are probably people here in PE who live somewhere within proximity to you.  After you make friends and feel comfortable, reach out to one or two and have lunch in a piblic, but anonymous place, not too close to where you live and work, just in case.  And if it is possible, keep your wife in the loop.  There are apparently more cross-dressers than I could imagine who have supportive spouses and they participate in activities together.  It certainly can't hurt your marriage to have her with you in new social situations, and she will be re-assured that you aren't heading into deeper waters.

That's about all I can think of to present; my own personal experiences as one of those transition types gives me a somewhat different perspective on some of your matters.  Buut I have known enough people walking different paths of the transgender experience that I think what I wrote would do you well.

Sincerrely

Dal Maxwell

Comment by Julia Giannopoulos on October 28, 2012 at 6:33pm

Even though I have no experience in cross dressing I'm pleased that you have found your way here.

Comment by Joanna on October 28, 2012 at 6:45pm

Hi donni. You and I are very similar. I am also a struggling, questioning TG who previously thought could be cured of my crossdressing but found it was deeper than I imagined. You are indeed in the right place. Welcome!!

Comment by Donni Darkness on October 28, 2012 at 7:12pm

Hi Dal thanks for the Welcome. Your blog post on Discrimination among the Transgender Community was really refreshing to hear and the responses added some insight for me, So thanks again.

I know that most people dont like to hear the word Transvestite but ive identified with the label much longer than ive been using the term Crossdresser. Although i know i shouldnt use it socially, it doesnt change my personal vocabulary on the internal side of things. Ill try not to use it as much.

Ive been trying to research the local communtiy for the last year and gave up using the net. The Family Tree has been great though, but i decided i needed to just get out there...I recently went out and found a new hair stylist. I brought some pics of Andej Pejic and she was really cool and did a great job. I never mentioned anything about being Transgender. A few weeks later my wife wanted to go get her hair done and asked if she could go see "my girl" i said yes of course and a few days ago she had the appointment.
While they were talking about stuff she came out to my hairdresser about me being a Crossdresser. And the girl was really cool and said she was part of the community too and invited us to a local drag show next month. She also mentioned that she has another couple thats going with her, and that her husband was trans too. But the event is at a place where i have friends that frequent there and they dont know im a Crossdresser. Im excited to go and meet everyone one but im having a hard time right now with whether i should go fully dressed because im uncertain of how to act towards the people im coming out to... who are part of the hetero-normative society as you put it.  Im scared of how this could effect my life in a negative way but at the same time im grateful for the opportunity to be me because i know this is what i want. And my wife has done a wonderful job of paving the way for all of this, i just want be as graceful as possible when coming out to everyone and im unsure of how to do it. I think as a couple its something we really need...to be out with people who think as we do

So, any advice for me on this would be great

Best wishes,

-Donni-

Comment by Jenn on October 28, 2012 at 9:27pm

Hi Donni.  Pink Essence is a great place for you.  We run the gamut of those who are still exploring who we are along the gender continuum to those who have made the decision to transition. 

You must have made quite an impression on your therapist to get the recommendation that you should start transitioning.   From what you’ve written you’ve pulled back from that recommendation.  In the end your therapist may be right but you need to find it out for yourself.  You’re doing one thing absolutely right by admitting, embracing and exploring your transgender feelings.   Having had these feelings and having suppressed them all your life and now knowing they’re not going to go away, it’s time to find the real inner you that driving this.   What do you bet you’ll find a beautiful girl and that you just love being her? 

Presenting successfully as a woman is so much more than dressing.  Though achieving a female appearance and enjoying the beautiful clothes is a good first step.   As you were never socialized as a girl you have so much to learn (and unlearn).  Watch Denea Doyle’s DVDs on feminine movement and you’ll see what I mean.  Your wife can be your best teacher and you can explore being feminine together. 

Women live in a social world often separated from men.  Acceptance among other women as one with them can truly lift your spirits.  There’s lots more but this is a start.  At some point you’ll start to find yourself.  Then it’s your choice. 

Hugs, Jennifer

 

Comment by Tasi Zuriack on October 28, 2012 at 11:26pm

Hi Donna,

You said it yourself. You don't feel dysphoria, hence it's unlikely you are transsexual and have a need to transition. I'm a bit surprised that a therapist would recommend such-don't let yourself be rushed.  The transgender umbrella covers most of us, crossdresser to transsexual and a few others. You could possibly be dual-gendered (not bi), many of us are. There's a yahoo group that is largely for the DG girls.you are quite fortunate to have a supporting wife which certainly helps in exploring your femininity. Just roll with your feelings and see where it takes you.

Oh and just a point of information, the term transvestitite, while not in favor in the U.S. is used widely in the rest of the world. I certainly agree with jennifer that being accepted into the world of women is one of the most uplifting experienes you will ever have.

Hugs........Tasi

Comment by Vikki Rochelle on October 28, 2012 at 11:58pm

Dearest Donni,

Welcome to PE. This "place" has and is a wonderful place to get good advice, information and to see what others are going through. The best advice I have ever gotten is take your time, go at your own pace, don't let anyone push you in a direction you don't want to go in. This life is yours to live, not someone else's. If it doesn't sound like it is right for you, chances are, it isn't.

There is a group of Cross Dressers called Triess. I stumbled across them in Vegas. They are fairly well organized across the US, although I don't know about your area. They welcomed me warmly and invited me to their meetings.

Only time will tell, take it and enjoy the journey. Many of us have lost our SO's in our journeys, you are very fortunate to have yours, try to keep her in the loop and hold her close.

OXOX, Vikki

Comment by Monica Lorraine Beaudry on October 29, 2012 at 12:59am

It is refreshing to see most feel the same. No need to hurry or do anything. Like the old saying from the 60's "if it feels good, Do it!"

Comment by Rachel King on October 29, 2012 at 6:54am

I don't care how often others express their denial, we ALL started as cross-dressers while we tried to figure out who we were and before we understood that OUR cross-dressing, was actually our natural expression of who we were.

Call it what you will, a spade is still a spade, full stop.

To add to Monica's words, " If it feels good, do it, if it don't, don't.

Enjoy your journey, to wherever it takes you and make sure you take that treasure of a wife with you.

She is priceless.

Comment by Julia Giannopoulos on October 29, 2012 at 7:32am

Rach,

Because of my situation I never had a stash of female attire nor did I ever have an opportunity to even put o makeup until 2001.

Also because of residing in Helena Montana I also had nowhere to go even if I did manage to dress in more appropriate clothing.

Approx four months before I transitioned the pressure was removed to be otherwise so I was able to gather my needed wardrobe and practice putting together outfits for my immediate forthcoming transition.

There are those that never did have women's clothing prior to transition and I was one of those people.

Now, if by cross dressing you mean wearing mens clothing then of course I cross dressed in mens clothing until I was able to transition. 

Comment

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• Next ›
• Page