my adulthood

Well like I said in my previous blog my adulthood is a completely different story. Child hood was a pain the butt to say the least but adulthood what a roller coaster.
Let me put it this way, I did everything that I could to prove, to hide with everyone else that I was a boy. Every job that I have had has been rough neck. Army was Calvary Scout, construction, truck driving, deisel mechanic, kevery job that is male dominated and requires at times emotional sacrifice. I have been married 3 times all of those times I would purge just to start over later. I was one of those society puppets, this is what "normal" people do so what i had to do to fit in. I got pretty good at believing everything I told everyone, that explains the married thing. There wasnt to many days that went by that I didnt think about my true self, but I just wasnt ready to bust out and be me. I tried to work things out with my parents but that failed..imagine that.
My first wife allowed me to dress for halloween, but that was about as far as it went. As I was told time to get back to the real world and that I had to be the man of the house.
Second wife, purged everything when I met her. I would borrow her stuff while she was at work, worked well for awhile. Then one Valentines day I bought her some stuff from Victoria's realized that it was all for me, she loved it, but she didnt know that i was wearing it too. So instead of dressing so much I started to live through her. Buying her clothes, make up, and other fem things whenever she wanted them. There were many times that she wasnt even with.
Third wife i did the same thing and lived through her kept prodding her that I wanted to take her shopping, 3/4 of the clothes she wore I picked out, bought and asked her to wear. Towards the end of our marriage she kept telling me to be myself, so I did. Not like that went over well. I was told off very nastily.
So I got to here, purging about 5 times, starting stopping ect. Almost to the point of living and being myself instead of "him". Then boom back into hiding. Now I am out, so much done to live and be happy so much more to do to be comfortable with my outward appreance. There are still some people that seem to want to stand in my way but they are far and few between. Almost everyone that i thought would have issue with this has told me to go for it. Others have told me how much more relaxed, unstressed, that its like years were taken off my face. My boyfriend seems to think I am younger than I am. This has been a major life detox. Everyday seems to get easier and better.