I was viewing profiles and happened to see that one of our members described herself as a mother of a certain number of children, which I will not disclose because I do not want to make her feel singled out or embarrassed. But this always strikes a nerve with me when transwomen insist on calling themselves "mothers" in reference to their children.
I view motherhood with reverence because it is so special in human experience and the connection between a biological mother and her child is most often one of the strongest to be found. Certainly there are exceptions with mothers who abandon their children or leave them for adoptiion, but in general a mother without thinking would give her life for her child.
What troubles me is the seemingly flippant way some of us label ourselves as mothers when we did not conceive, carry nor give agonizingly painful birth to our children among the many points that may be made in the child bearing process and the experience between mother and child.
Now I will concede that some children for want of a mother in their lives or possibly because the children have such a strong connection with their female trans parent would want to refer to the trans parent as their mother. But for us to insist that we are mothers to our children, especially at their discomfort, is ludicrous at best unless we are truly fulfilling that role and the children have completely bought into this title regarding their relationship toward us.
Would I have liked to have given birth to my daughter? You better believe it. One of the agonizing emotions I experienced over time was not being able to have the experience of mother to my daughter, but I fulfilled the role of a dad instead as best as I could, and according to her was excellent in that role. But my ex spouse deserves that title of mother, not I ,and my emotional pain over not fulfilling that role can not overide reality nor my responsibility to preserve the relationship as my daughter desires. For now I am still dad to her, despite the permenant changes which seem to bely that perception.
Maybe at some point, as Caroline Grace suggested, I may be worthy to be called a paternal mom, but that is my daughter's choice and I will not attempt to pressure her into changing her labels.
I salute all mothers, and I mean no insult to anyone here, but my intention was to inject some reality into our often fanciful, foggy walk in the path we have followed.