"We are One"
missed the milestone
Just missed being blog 6000!.. Wow.. Seriously.. over 6000 entries of thought, conscience, inner feeling, rants, raves, and sharing has been posted to PE. I joined when the number was around 1200, and I thought that was a big number. Thank you all for contributing so much.. and helping those (like me) who felt all alone for so many years
Me? I'm still standing. I say that because, once again, I have been tested. I lost my job 2 weeks ago, and have jumped into a get a new job mode.
What I have seen is some amazing support from friends and former co-workers who are helping me to get a new job, though resume tweaking sessions, to personal referrals to outright connection making. I am overwhelmed by those who have helped me so much.
The result is I am meeting the owner of a business for a job offer review tomorrow after working though 3 interviews.Its a small, yet strong business that is 30 years old and has weathered all the economic downturns that has closed other businesses in the last 10 years. They want to grow - conservatively. I heard of the job from a good friend and former co-worker who highly recommended me. <insert choke up here>
Nice folks throughout the company, and I sense, this is a great - STABLE place to be. I am excited for the opportunity.
I have also had an interview at another place which may also be a good fit for me, although its a much different kind of company. Higher pressure - higher rewards... yadda yadda...
I lean towards the family based business. I just think that is the place for me. The other may very well be quite exciting too however.
Coming back to how this ties to my being trans - I have had some time in these past 2 weeks to reflect on being Jillian. I have have had time in the past few weeks to be fully female without the all the other work pressures that typically come with each day. Honestly, I have so enjoyed these moments and now see myself as a person who could become full time.
This is kinda big for me. Some folks here on PE have told me in the past, that I exhibit all the traits of a person who is destined to transition. It is an apparent 'slam dunk" as it relates to me fully transitioning. I know I need to reach that conclusion for myself however. As of late, I have been socially interacting with so many in my day to day activities, including the local pharmacist, the liqueur store owner, the checkout clerk at the grocery store, the car repair guy... etc. that the only time I am feeling uncomfortable is when I need to show my ID. Even then, I'm surprisingly at ease.. saying - well - sure here it is - but its very very old.. I am adopting a what the heck attitude, and its that that I think has been the missing link. EDITORS NOTE: Do I really care that I "pass" when I see so many other women who don't give 2 hoots about how they look or act.
Today, was the first day, in 2 weeks when I couldn't be Jillian at all, let alone for most of the day, and I was indeed stressed. It's much like I have let the Genie out of the bottle, and she will be damned to be ignored and stuffed back in..
Simply - I cant ignore her voice any more. ...
J.
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Comment by Caroline Grace on October 4, 2012 at 9:22pm
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Everyday it just gets more and more difficult pretending to be somebody you are not...
Transitions are a matter of integrity over political expediency... One can not sell their soul only but for so long... Told a girlfriend that I have roughly 14 more years to live. At 58 and figuring a average life expectancy of 72. 14 is a short period of time. It was one of the reasons I couldn't wait a few more years for SRS. Will I even be alive to enjoy the changes. If I waited until I retired to have the surgery I might not be healthy enough, my grandchildren may finally come my way, I may be too old to get invited to the dance, etc...
Find your path and walk it...
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Comment by Nathine Tereana Goldenthal on October 4, 2012 at 9:37pm -
The time will come when you will want to, and the usual regret then is that it should have been done sooner. I can relate to Caroline, as you get older its now or never, otherwise who wants to die in the wrong gender. There are times that life, income, stability takes the front line, but it can also be done in the correct gender. Living a dual life, eventually is detrimental, as a number of my friends have said.
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Comment by Julia on October 5, 2012 at 2:29am
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I know what you mean when you write about your mixed emotions not being able yourself at all over the day ... Till some days ago I also thought this way and had a solution "I'm myself in my house, when I'm completely myself. And I have to play the role the public knows me yet when I'm at work over the day".
But in my wonderful correspondence with my sweet friend Adeena here I learned an important new opinion and I made this now to my opinion: "I'm always myself, Julia! I'm Julia at home, when I can be myself completely, and I'm Julia with my soul and thinking also at work and over the day, when I yet have to wear some work clothes people expect me to wear ...".
That's how I've made another step towards my new life and I feel quite better since that!
Good luck for you and your new job!
Love & hugs from Bavaria! Yours Julia
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Comment by Brianna Allen on October 5, 2012 at 6:18am
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Best of luck at the interview! It's wonderful you are getting out and showing the world the lovely Jullian. I must admit I read your post with a bit of longing. I'm currently on a temporary work assignment in the Middle East and the options to be myself are nil.
Brianna
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Comment by Rachel King on October 5, 2012 at 7:41am -
Unlike Caroline, who can't wait to be an oldie, even though she is yet to reach middle age, you are still a spring-chicken Jillian and time is on your side....... or is it.
I've followed your journey throughout your time here and it'll be what it want's to be, when it want's to be.
Find your job, find your feet and only then, find your congruence.
Common sense rules your life and you'll be okay.
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Comment by Julia Giannopoulos on October 5, 2012 at 10:09am -
Congrat's on the interview beautiful.
Just be you and you'll be just fine.
And as for ignoring her voice, stop it.
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Comment by Marsha M. Marsha on October 5, 2012 at 3:39pm -
Add them up and e have a bad case of carpal tunnel
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Comment by Jillian Munsell on October 5, 2012 at 8:32pm -
Aren't you all the best!
Each of your comments are very special to me. Thoughtful, supportive, direct and humorous. Everything this girl needs.. Thank you ladies..
I was given a formal offer today, which I will most likely accept. I still have a second interview on Monday at another company, but I cant image I would take that job over this one.
Oh and by the way... I have my Halloween costume all set for this year - I found a Red Hat Society hat at a garage sale this week for a dollar.. I have a purple scarf and a red blazer, so I'm all set! - That is, unless my wife wants to use it.
Lots of love all around and I will let everyone know what comes about next week.
J.
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Comment by Rachel King on October 5, 2012 at 8:39pm
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Yeah righto, keep us in suspense no longer.
WHICH JOB!!!!
I hate being kept in suspenders.
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Comment by Jillian Munsell on October 5, 2012 at 8:58pm
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If I knew that answer myself my dear Rachel, I would tell you!
I'm the one in suspenders
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