Ministering to myself when I have Doubt and totally scared.... :(

Sometimes I have to pick myself up when I am in an incredibly dark place which I have been in, In the past month it seems.

Ministering to myself keeps me from sleeping further into the abyss of destructive thought. :(

Counselors, Concerned Family members, Friends, people that I care deeply for that are Christians and who love me very much doubt my transitioning(which is kind of normal?) and even my faith.

I once would tell people that ive been a music minister for 25+ years but I realized that those years dont mean anything if Its a bragging right or a bargaining chip to somehow buy my way into Heaven, So I stopped saying that, because the Lord will know whats in my heart and mind and what Ive done for him.

I know that I love and Fear the Lord;I mean I do fear him. All I want to do is to sing to the lord and give praise to the Lord with the gifts that he has given me. I dont want all the glitz and accolades of praise to get self ful-fillment. The only satisfaction I would get is knowing that somehow my music/composition has touched someone enough to know Gods love through me.

Im not a singer(Bkground mainly). I am a composer/pianist . Thats where my gifts and talent and ability lie , but sometimes I have a voice in my heart that has to get out for me to sing..

Pray for me, friends..

When i think about the Lord
how He saved me, how He raised me
how He filled me with the Holy Ghost
how He healed me to the uttermost
when i think about the Lord
how he picked me up
turned me around
how He set my feet
on solid ground

it makes me want to shout
hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
Lord, you're worthy
of all the glory, and all the honor
and all the praise!
Hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
Lord, you're worthy
of all the glory, and all the honor
and all the praise!

love Kiara

http://youtu.be/S7lr_gbeJxM