Losing the Male self

Comment by Diane Michelle on June 14, 2011 at 2:13pm

Genivieve, That was a very heartfelt blog.
Hugs
Diane

Comment by Genivieve Le Duc on June 14, 2011 at 4:31pm

Thanks for the hugs Diane!

Comment by Joanna on June 15, 2011 at 7:56am

very interesting observations Genevieve and it is some of these fears or reservations you are experiencing that keep me in the crossdresser camp. Even if I do feel that a good part of what makes me "ME" is female. I have a daughter, a son and a partner who I think would prefer me to stay a man. I have made it through almost 49 years like this so I figure finish the journey as I started. Not for everyone here but the road I have chosen for the time being. I say this because in life one can never predict the future...hugs, Joanna

Comment by Caroline Grace on June 15, 2011 at 12:21pm

Fear of change is normal...

Transition is not a little bit of change, it is an enormous amount of change and it's not for everyone.

The new world you are entering is less safe and sane. Women are still treated by many as second class citizens, foreigners as less than that, people of color have also been mistreated for years. You are about to enter the world where you are often seen as far less than any other group.

You will become more vulnerable and become a bigger target for violence, too.

There will be things you have to grieve about letting go of your old self and the privileges that came with it.

None of this is worth trading off unless you truly are transsexual; then transition is like living in a miracle.

I tell everyone who can stay part-timers, crossdressers, etc., to stay that way if that is an option at all for you. But if you are transsexual, there should be great solace in the fact that the changes that are possible in this modern world are incredible and fabulous: medical support, mental health support, often great family and friends support, no longer to TG people have to think that they will be arrested everywhere they go and no longer do they automatically commit you to mental institutions and electric shock therapy for being TG like they did when I was a teen. Everyday I dance and feel like my life really began the day I stepped into full time but the emotional toll from the changes is immense, too.

Comment by Genivieve Le Duc on June 15, 2011 at 1:46pm

Caroline/others-
Thank You for the thoughts and insights. I posted this blog in the hope of getting feedback like this. Reality check, if you will, from this incredible website and its members. I believe it is one thing to fantasize, even for your entire life, as I have done about being a woman, and quite another to go there full time. The world on the other side of the looking glass. Everything is "Topsy Turvy."

Comment by Sylvia on June 15, 2011 at 2:33pm

Genivieve,
I often have moments like this when I wonder about the changes and how I am feeling in that moment and also how I will feel in the future. The anxiety about leaving something that you've known as you head for something that you've only dreamed about but have no real knowledge of can be paralyzing sometimes. The thing that breaks me out of that every time is when I ask myself if I would be willing to stop, turn around and go back - even if that were even possible. I have yet to ever answer that question with a "yes". If you cant go back - there is either staying where you are or moving forward. If there is anything that would kill my spirit it would be being stuck in the same place day after day. So moving forward into an unknown and perhaps somewhat uncomfortable future remains my destination of choice. Another secret is to keep your focus on the now and near future and not on the distant future. As the element of whats unknown increases - so does the fear factor. I believe that making the choices that are "right" for you today will automatically set you on the path for the "right" future.

So - I guess my answer to your question is "yes" this is to be expected and if you are anything like me - you will continue to feel beckoned by the call of the unkown as it is your only deliverance from the place you were before or the place you are now if neither are acceptable.

Comment by Genivieve Le Duc on June 15, 2011 at 3:13pm

Thank You Sylvia-
Wise words. That's very close to encapsulating how I've been approaching this. Something about sharing with my children has really thrown me back. The facade is broken and we have entered a new world. There is a new sadness watching my children struggle to understand how "Dad" could have kept this hidden their entire lives. They struggle to understand exactly "who" I am, and how much of the man they knew before still exists.

Comment by Genivieve Le Duc on June 15, 2011 at 8:26pm

LeAnn-
I guess having a 17 year old daughter has allowed me to see how difficult growing up can be for women. Girls and some women can be vicious in ways men are unfamiliar with. There are subtleties of communication I've sometimes missed (according to my GF's.) The hugs part I love and welcome!

Comment by Genivieve Le Duc on June 16, 2011 at 12:37pm

Stacey-
For myself, at least, I think I'm beginning to see the spectrum of this experience more then I had before. When we were all lost in the darkness (before social networking, internet, etc.) there were so few definitions for us. Even the difference between CD & TG didn't really exist. I tend to think of myself as a "being" rather then as a gender. I AM attached to my "things" as you put it. I love feeling fem, but find myself preferring to balance the energies. Many people find that I am a man with strong feminine traits. I think if I were a woman, I'd be one with strong masculine traits. The women I prefer are the ones who have the masculine energy. We meet in the middle. I now believe there is a spectrum of experience and needs rather then the 2 camps. It makes sense. We are not such simple black and white creatures, but "beings" expressing the endless possibilities we are capable of.

Comment by Shirley on June 16, 2011 at 6:49pm

I can identify strongly to what "Stacey" has stated - about herself as well as her friend - I sometimes wonder - about relationships - I never had one.... / But thankfully I happy just as "ME"
As for loosing the "Joe" part of me - That was never possible - I still like the same things now as I did as a guy, and I still have the same interests as I did .... / Nothing changed except my apperance ... which I am much happier with / As for SRS at this stage of the game - I have no lover in my life.... SO - I just keep things "Simple" !! / Interesting post - Thank you - Shirley

Comment

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• Next ›
• Page