Lonely People

In 1974, America sang “This is for all the lonely people”. I was thinking about this song and it occurred to me that trans-people are probably the loneliest people in the world. We sometimes suffer from some kind of mental illness, like depression, and spend most of our lives looking for the reason we're so sad.

We get married, have children, and yet we're still lonely, and don't know why. Those of us who realize at a young age that we are trans, have an advantage. They can live their lives in their chosen gender, and make friends who know them as they really are.

Those of us, who realized later in life, have a bit more difficulty. As I said above, we get married and raise a family, like society expects us. But the loneliness prevails. Time goes by, and then we realize we are trans, and have figured out what caused the depression. So we assume the answer is easy, if being in the wrong gender makes me depressed, then a change of gender should fix that.

But it's not that easy. Those who go through with it are faced with divorce and possibly the loss of their children. Those who stay with their spouses must live a lie, so the depression remains. I believe the least lonely trans are those whose spouses have accepted them for who they really are, and have agreed to support them.

So how do we combat depression? We go on the Internet looking for friends, for someone like us, who can accept us for who we are. We find that there are a lot of trans people in the world, so that makes it a little better, because we find out we are not alone. We join networks, and make friends. But even if we make friends, we are still lonely. Why? Because we have no one to hold and love.

I am one of those people. I do not like men, probably because of the way I was treated by the rednecks I grew up with. I am attracted to women, but women are not attracted to me, because I am not masculine enough. Lesbians would not want to be with me because I have a male body. So I look for love and friendship in the trans community.

But I have been hurt a few times from contacts I made. The first time, I had a date to meet, who I would have to say was probably more of a crossdresser. When I left home, I called her to say I was on my way, and she told me that she changed her mind, because she didn't want to cheat on her girlfriend. (You'd think that she would have thought of that before). The second time, I was to meet a married couple who wanted to take a walk on the wild side. We had exchanged emails back and forth for a week, making plans to meet on the weekend. On the Friday, the male counterpart asked me what I looked like. I told him that my wife wouldn't let me shave my legs or chest, so he said that I wasn't what they were looking for. (You'd think that he could have asked me that up front) I think most men looking for a trans-girl is a male who wants a penis, but does not want to be considered homosexual. Well the joke's on them. The third time happened just before last Christmas. I was contacted by a trans-girl who asked to meet. Well with Christmas parties and such, I couldn't get away, so I suggested after Christmas, to which she agreed. I suggested Tuesday, she said she couldn't. I then suggested Wednesday, and waited to hear back from her. To this day, she never replied. Well, the joke's on her; I got dressed up and went out anyway. She missed out on a good time with a beautiful woman. Her loss.

We make friends with people who de-friend us with no explanation. They hurt our feelings with no disregard to who we are. People in our own community! Or when you want to chat, to get to know them, they ignore you. So what do we do? We go back and try again, because trans people are the loneliest people in the world.