Leaving Home

Comment by Allison Elizabeth on September 20, 2012 at 1:23pm

Karen, I have nothing new to say that I haven't said already. My heart is heavy for you and I wish I could be there to lend a shoulder for you to cry on. If you need my I'm here for you. Allison

Comment by Jamie Robin Gardner on September 20, 2012 at 3:10pm

C

Comment by Julia Giannopoulos on September 20, 2012 at 4:53pm

I had to do exactly that on Nov 30th 2006.

On December 11th 2006 I went full time.

I profoundly understand what your going through.

Julia

Comment by Caroline Grace on September 20, 2012 at 5:33pm

It would not be inaccurate to describe what being transgender is like for some if they said, "It was either a bullet or a dress."  Choosing life is always the right choice and you are choosing properly in that commitment to yourself and to your children.  I have had two suicides in my family and we have never healed.  My cousin killed herself and each year we have to relive that event on her birthday and the day she did it because the pain for her children is so immense. That sad day was 25 or 30 years ago, and it is repeated at least twice a year and always with the same intensity.

Being dad forever is also the right choice.  I am thrilled to have been my son's dad. I hope that you stay in your children's lives.

You are too raw to hear this, but I have to share the truth, too, just as you felt compelled to do. Yes, many or most relationships / marriages do  fall apart.  Yet, surprisingly 20% to 25% do not. That is an unscientific number - based upon some annecdotal sampling I have done among the hundreds of married transgender folks I know.  As but one example I just got off the phone with a gal who has been married to her spouse for more than 25 years. She fully transitioned only a few years ago but her wife knew about her condition for over 17 years and was supportive as my friend worked her waythrough whatever path she needed to take.. Their daughter is loving and kind to them both. My list can on and on...  Both spouses in a marriage get to make decisions as to how they will act... and how they will treat each other... 

Decisions on the future of a marriage are usually not best made in the depths of depression or in the heat of an argument. They are best made after weeks / months of discussion, with the help and intervention of professionals. One should fully explore all the options before calling it quits...  Of course, I could be totally wrong, too. Please feel free to tell me I am a moron, but I do believe that even if I am a moron, we still need to do all we can to keep a relationship alive. And if there has already been every reasonable and even some extraordinary attempts made to keep the marriage together and one decides they should be getting out, then "own" that decision. 

Lastly, we should never say this is what our spouses should do.  They have every right to make up their own minds. And they, too, have the responsibility to "own" their decisions.

Comment by Marsha M. Marsha on September 20, 2012 at 6:19pm

Karen I had to move out back in April 2010, I never thought in 3 decades of marriage I would. Before this year ends I will be divorced, I never thought I would be a divorcee even 5 years ago. As my ex told me not long before I moved out, "sometimes love isn't enough".

I am a post-op woman, but my past will always be with me. I am finally me, but it came with a price, then again anything really worth having comes with a price, no?

Comment by Kristina Devereaux on September 20, 2012 at 6:51pm

Karen, my heart goes out to you.  I know that times are difficult now but remember, things will get better as you get through the grieving process.  Things will also get better as you become the person who you truly are inside.  Best of luck with everything and remember, we are all here for you and many of us have been through similar times.

Comment by HELEN BRADY on September 20, 2012 at 8:56pm

Karen my heart goes out to you. I hope that you and your spouse can remain good friends and supportive of each other, and that your children will accept you for who you really are. All of us, even me who had it comparatively easy because of my age and lack of many attachments, still had to pay a big price.

I just hope that as time goes on you will feel the joy and happiness that I do in finally being my true self.

Comment by Galina Edwards on September 20, 2012 at 10:13pm

My heart goes out to you also.  Although written words can be comforting sometimes you really need someone to sit and have coffee with.  If I can get my cousin to talk with you, would you meet with her.  She does not know our community except for the times she has been with me.  What makes her qualified? She is the group leader in a suicide support group i.e. families that had other member commit suicide.  Just a thought.

Warm Hugs, Galina

Oh, she lives in Salem.  Oh, go by the Fifties Diner on Market and have a burger for me.

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