It's been a while...

Comment by Kimberly Long on December 13, 2011 at 10:09am

What can a sister say, I wish you the best and hope you have a wonderful Christmas.

Love Kimberly

Comment by Roxanne Croft-Barreto on December 16, 2011 at 8:00pm

Thanx Sis!!!!  I plan on a wonderful Christmas and I pray you have one too!!!!

Comment by Nicole Aime on December 16, 2011 at 9:36pm

Roxanne, I know we haven't corresponded in quite some time, but this takes me by surprise in several ways. I've been on contra sex hormones for almost 3 1/2 years. The relationship between my wife and I mirrors yours, but my attraction to her (hence toward women) has not changed. What has changed is that I have admitted that I am bisexual, but heterosexual by conviction (you can read choice if you want). Now, just to clear things up, I gauge sexual orientation on the sex equipment that I have, not the subconscious sex (gender identity) that I possess. Perhaps that is the most confusing thing for trans people who are believers. Our wives many times see things differently. When they look upon us a women, they are no longer attracted to us.

Does your wife consider the marriage to be over? Is she happy with (or resigned to) being in a best friend / roommate relationship with you? Is she someday going to look for another man? How would that make you feel? How does all of this line up with your beliefs?

To me the word attraction applies to sex and sexual intimacy. It seems that to some (I'm not talking about you) people's attraction to their spouse changes both in terms of sexual desire as well as the desire for companionship. Is that really a symptom of hormones?

Just some thinking points.  - Hugs

Comment by Roxanne Croft-Barreto on December 16, 2011 at 9:59pm

Nicole!!!!  I miss you!!!!  

Now... I gauge sexual orientation based on Gender Identity, which I always have....  and had thought of myself as "lesbian" for life....  It is truly just in the last 6-8 months that this has changed.....

She doesn't necessarily consider it as over...  but prefers just to take it a day at a time....  and since she is going through menopause and has no sexual desire whatsoever, she kinda sees this as a relief of sorts....  And yes... she is happy being my best friend, (although we call it Sisters) and maintaining that relationship as it is right now....  and are we out looking for other men.... not really....  and I know she isn't because we are completely open and honest with each other....  And the deal is... if she finds another man, I get to be a bridesmaid at her wedding!!!!  

Now.... my beliefs....  marriage is forever, and I'm sure this will be to one extent or another, but because of my adoration for her, her happiness is primary....  and if I have to let her go to allow her the freedom to not be in a same sex marriage (as we both see it), I am ok with that....  and I think that Biblically, I can back that up.... but I don't want to start pulling verses out to justify actions that have not even happened yet... Ya know???

Now....  the connection to hormones, in my opinion is this....  I do believe a slight rewiring of our thought processes can occur (which explains thinking like a teenager and reprocessing events in a more feminine way than I have in the past).  And based on discussions with the pastoral staff at church, I have come to think that this rewiring may have also caused me to re-evaluate priorities in a relationship and redefine what I truly need from a relationship...  For instance....  I find that I am looking for security and someone to provide for me now that I know that the burden of being the provider has been lifted.... by the same token, having someone that I can nurture and turn a house into a home for has become VERY important....  and although I do that now, what we find is that we are constantly stepping on each others toes by holding the same roles and responsibilities within the household....  Where as if there were a man, his role would be different, as it tends to be with most males....

Does that make any sense????

Luv ya!!!!   Call me sometime!!!!!  I miss you!!!!

Comment by Marsha M. Marsha on December 17, 2011 at 11:02am

Roxanne, I have the opposite problem od a Christian gentelman who really likes me but I have made it plain I am a lesbian but he continues to subtley flirt with me, although he is a nice person, I am just not attracted to men.

Comment by Roxanne Croft-Barreto on December 17, 2011 at 2:07pm

Marsha...  do you have his number???   Just kidding!!!!

Comment by Roxanne Croft-Barreto on December 17, 2011 at 5:35pm

Saint Suelle...  mine was kinda all of a sudden....  i was at work one day and a cute guy walked by... I looked and then I stopped and went, "Was I just checking HIM out???"  And I noticed about the same time, my physical attraction to wife stopped.....  it was just weird for me...

Now... I just prefer straight guys....  although a FtM would not bother me.... but I am not really "on the prowl", ya know???   Too much to take care of with me first....

Hugs!!!
 

Comment by Rachel King on December 17, 2011 at 6:21pm

I am a seriously monogomous person, always have been.

My thought is, if you want to pursue other relationships thats fine but finalise the one you are in first.

I can only go on what you have written but here is you, that has what every single trans woman dreams of and seldom realises, a wife that will put up with their selfish( by necessity) trans partner and remains loyal and what reward does she get?

More selfishness to the extreme.

Now if you have a relationship that is entirely platonic and is totally understood to be so( which is not said in your blog) then well and good, flirt away but if your wife has remained loyal, then you are a right sh*t for treating her this way.

I may well be wrong, I often am but I know there there must well be hundreds out there who share this thought and are wringing their collective hands in anguish, that you still have your wife remain loyal to you and she is being treated like a dishrag.

I wonder if your friend of 30 years got put off by you "throwing yourself" on him, so to speak.

It's called decorum and I don't see much shown so far.

Hmmm, got worked up about this, didn't I.

I've seen too many throw their future away because the little head rules the big head.

It would seem in your case that the big head rules an empty space.

Hormones do funny things to us, I well know and often we feel like a 13 year old again but with decades of life experiences to call on, we have no excuse to be total idiots.

 

 

Comment by Roxanne Croft-Barreto on December 17, 2011 at 6:40pm

Rachel....

Thanks for the insight... and this may sound strange.... but you are right....   and I have spent the majority of the last few months asking myself the EXACT questions you pose here....  and the beautiful thing about our relationship, is I have been asking HER if I have been this way....  and if I have, to call me on it....  but our relationship, which has been purely platonic for over a year now, has always lent itself to open honesty both ways....  I had no intentions of exploring this road initially, until she pushed me to explore it...  And, truth is... I am still bothered by feeling that way, which is why I posted it....  AND it is still something I check daily by asking her if I am being an a**....but in the end, we know that the marriage will officially end in late January, and after that, we will continue to live together as Sisters and the best of friends ALWAYS....

So....  thank you for your honesty... it is refreshing to know that people care enough to call you on it when you are acting like a fool!!!!

Hugs!!!

Comment by Rachel King on December 17, 2011 at 7:19pm

Phew, glad we cleared that up.
Your wife is indeed a wonderful woman.

Good luck in your wanderings but you'll forgive me, if I cant't stop the feeling that you are throwing away something that you might never find again, all for what is really nothing more than to satisfy a hormonal teen fantasy.

I say this thinking of the hundreds, at least, stories here of those who would have walked on hot coals to stay with their partner.

I'm quite maudlin this Sunday morning, aren't I. 

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