Is Transitioning Optional?

As I sit here on July 4^th I am celebrating with all my trans sisters and brothers from PE that are declaring their independence and liberty from the gender identity that was thrust on them by society. I wanted to discuss the process of transitioning and ask you the question: is it optional? I want to say upfront that I am not in the healthcare field whatsoever and please not take anything I say as an insult. My only intent is to be informative.  I am a relative newbie here on PE and I wanted discuss my personal transitions. Yes there are two.

I was very aware of the girl I was even by the age of six. The battle for my gender identity started as early as then. My parents were always telling me I should be playing with boys instead of girls. I was just so feminine that growing up most people who did not know me thought I was a girl, even into my later teens. There was always some type of assault on my gender identity because I was gender variant. After I went to college I was introduced to a woman by a friend. We dated and discussed in detail my feminine nature and we both agreed our relationship would work. We married and in 1993 I started to transition and I went real life in 1995. We were having children and we decided that I would start hormones after our family was complete. Our children were just the biggest joy to me and still are. In 2000 my children began to be harassed and bullied at school and in general because of my trans lifestyle. My wife could not stand to see the children in tears and upset by the way they were being mistreated and she told me I would have to cease my real life. I told her that my gender Identity was not something I could just discard like a pair of shoes that has gone out of season. We battled over this issue for a year until she took out a restraining order against me and had me removed from the home. When our case went to court my wife told the judge that our children were not safe because of my lifestyle. The judge upheld the motion. The judge banned me from the family home and ordered me not to ever present en fem again to my children. The week after we went to court my ex then called the psychiatrist that I had been seeing and told him that all I had to do to return home and be with the family again was renounce my gender identity and live perminately and fully as a man. The toughest decision I have ever had to make in my life was not to accept the offer. I would rather die than lose my children. Does anyone see a massive amount of psyche meds in this girl’s future? My ex-wife called me a couple of months later and said she was throwing our 13 year old son out of the house because he was being rebellious. He came to live with me that day.  

Three years ago things were going very well for all my children and me professionally as well. I was pouring myself into my work and raising and supporting my 10 children. I have 7 daughters, 3 sons and as of last week 4 granddaughters. However even with things going so well, and being on significant psyche meds, the symptoms of gender dysphoria was still impacting me to the point that there were some days I just could not go to work because of depression and anxiety. I saw the Chloe Prince story on TV and broke down and just started sobbing. I KNEW in my heart of hearts what I had to do.  I did an assessment of my life and my children’s as it pertained to my gender identity. The fact at the core of the matter is that I AM a transgendered woman. That will never change! I could continue to live for my family and live the lie that I am a man, be on psyche meds for the rest of my life, and live with dibilating mental and physical illnesses. Or I could complete transition and become the woman fully that I am; and be able to have the most authentic, honest and intimate relationship with my family that I ever have had. The best thing for both me and my children was the same: I would complete transition.  I found my way to the Fenway Health Center in Boston.    I met with the director of the Trans Health team. We discussed my life’s journey and I told him it time for me to transition completely. He said he has never seen a case that was easy to present to the Trans Team specialists. I have been speaking with legal counsel from GLAD and he has said that I have had one of the biggest violations of the most basic civil rights. Welcome to our world.

This past father’s day my daughters wanted to make dinner for me at their mothers’ home. I have now been on hormones for 6 months and I am just so comfortable being a woman. I gave the courts the finger and dressed en fem for dinner. I was hoping for at least a comment that I looked nice. Something even better happened. It was a non-issue to my children how I was presenting. They were just comfortable with it.

In two days on July 6^th I have a daughter will be getting married. I did not want to impact her day in the least so I have waited for coming out to my wife and children until after my daughter’s wedding and will let things fall as they will. I am prepared for the worst by being prepared and having great legal counsel and believing in the best for everybody. I have never been more at peace with a decision.

I said everything above to set my framework for discussing transition and is it optional.  There are many who may have gender dsyphoria but are able to live without HAVING to change their external presentation to match what is on the inside. I would say if you are able to do this it is a good thing. In my case I was not. Even with seeing a psychiatrist and being on ever increasing medications it was not enough. Even so you have to be very honest with yourself and seek out a very experienced gender therapist who can walk you through this assessment of who and where you are. Transition is the most demanding process that takes place; monopolizing your time, emotional and physical strength. And the financial burden is crushing. There are many who desire it but are not prepared to walk this journey. If you begin this journey and do not count the costs you can be severely wounded or worse. The rewards for me that I have been experiencing have been just so awesome. Life on hormones has been the final realignment of my mind, body, and identity. To be able to look in the mirror and not have disdain for the reflection I see is indescribable. Plans are being made for SRS, FFS and BA to complete this journey. At this time I have never been in better emotional or physical health.When I saw my psychiatrist last week he approved me ceasing all of my psyche meds. By the end of August I will be completely free. This will be the first time in 13 years that I will be off meds besides hormones. A joy of living has settled in my heart recently making every day most special to live. I have attempted to be as open and as real as I can be to all. I am aware there are some that will disagree with me and I am open for discussion.  I hope some of my experience and pain can be helpful as we walk through our journey together. If I can answer any additional questions, please ask. Best to all my sisters and brothers.