"We are One"
Sorry this post was offensive it wasn't meant to be. I apologize and deleted it.
Kevin - It can be a hard road and there are certain things that, in individual cases, make it harder. People with families, who work in jobs without diversity policies, or in some cases people who just plain cannot accept within themselves the matter at hand.
My struggle, when I finally decided that enough was enough, was probably typical. I cried myself to sleep at night wondering how I could possibly accomplish it all, I feared for my future, and I kept asking myself who I was kidding. But then......I sucked it up, did some self-analysis, realized that not everything has to get done at once, took a deep breath and formulated a loose plan. Only then did things seem less fatal. Being outed at work was almost the catastrophy but I even weathered that.
These days, sometimes I even forget. There are those life moments to remind me but the thing that is most apparent (to me at least) is that I am comfortable with myself, and live with inner peace and acceptance. My opinion is that if you cannot embrace yourself, why should/would anyone else?
You're right of course and I just got finished with a session with my doctor and she said it again you have to accept yourself. I need to not only to accept my self but embrace this as a unique part of me. I think the fear of loss is one of the biggest things I can see for me. So much fear is hard to deal with and causes anxiety about those fears but my fears about coming out to my mother and sister weren't realized. I feel the same as you it just seems like an insurmountable impossible obstacle and who am I kidding that I could even make a decent woman. Little steps. Thanks for being here and answering .
Trisha - Maybe part of the problem is that because we can become self-centered in dealing with our own issues we don't see ourselves taking that downward path. Sure! There's enough drama to go around but just as there are pitfalls, there are people who are more than marginally well-adjusted.
Yeh, the guy's plate is super heavy with questions and such; it wasn't that long ago (for me) that I can't remember what it was like. Do I want to cherish those memories? Hell no! But they were part of my evolutionary process and important to my growth as a human being, just as yours did for you.
Give him a break while he goes looking for himself. Be insulted if you want but do we really need to discourage someone in the very early exploratory phase and who has the same questions we once did?
How ya doing, btw?
No need to apologize. I saw the post earlier and didn't find it offensive but I rarely get offended by words that appear on this screen by people I hardly know and know little of me. The beauty of this place is not just the exchange of information and resources but the diversity of opinions on any number of topics. Transition is serious business and not for the weak or thin skinned. Blah,blah ,blah..........
Censorship sucks, self-censorship leaves you remaining in the void you currently reside in.
Because some narrow-minded people don't like what you wrote and insist that their own opinion is the only view that should be seen should never deter you from voicing that opinion you hold.
The only way we learn and that is the fundemental reason Pinkessence is so popular, is by getting varied ideas thrown into the public forum and being discussed and dissected and being able to reshape our minds into a healthier way of thinking.
It's called Democracy.
I suspect there is a degree of dislike for you because you remain truthful and your name is Kevin.
What trans girl calls herself Kevin, they throw their hands up in shock, horror.
Well, I'm thinking what girl puts a picture of a ravishing beauty up as a false image of themselves.
I like your honesty and I like your pic.
I don't have to like all that you say but you damn well better believe, I will defend your right to say it.
I didn't relate to your earlier blogs, hence I didn't reply on them, but I read them, I thought about them and left the comments to other.
But if you hadn't of written them, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to know your thoughts and that would be a sad state of affairs.
Don't allow those who demand you only think like them to dictate what you write.
If that were to happen, Pe would become another average trans pic site.
Be angry, be sad, be happy in your blogs, that's what Pe is all about but above all, be free to write what is in your heart because only by freeing yourself of your guilt, will you find peace and the path you should follow in this life.
I appreciate your input Rachel and I guess I didn't consider the fact that if I chose to be honest about who I actually am and am presenting myself as would be controversial. That leaves me wondering if I am not Trans enough to be on a transgender site. I am not here to rock the proverbial boat but maybe telling the truth about how I feel should be done elsewhere as suggested. I thought this would be the one place where I could express my feelings openly and maybe be understood. I am going to really have to think about whether or not I want to continue to post here. I didnt realize I was a threat of some sort. I didn't come here to start a flamefest or pissing match. I have a diagnosis of being transgender or specifically, Gender Identity Disorder from a licensed medical professional who I have been seeing for four years. I'm transgendered and fighting it like a badger with a toothache.
Kevin - Don't be sorry for who you are, or the fact that you are honest about it. We ALL started somewhere; often nowhere near where we are currently. So although I have never had the pleasure and can only speak second-hand, I suppose it is like having a child where the pain is fleeting but the joy of the event remains. I remember my own pain; not vividly but I do remember. I re-visit my own past once in a while as a reminder that I didn't come this way, had to fight like hell to be here, and I am not going to surrender it lightly.
Keep telling the truth; your truth; and be honest. You'll get there.
Kevin, You came here looking for some answers and one of the answers is that there are shitty people in this world.
Get used to it because whether you live life in one gender or another or a combination of both, there will be obstacles you will have to face constantly and if you are going to run and hide at every hurdle, life will treat you poorly.
I'm one of many sayings and one of my favourites is, " When the going gets tough, the tough get going."
Maybe it's time to toughen up.
Your truth needs to be faced, front on.
I wonder what it is, that you think it's a "disorder"
To me, it was a condition.
I was born with a female brain, I was born with a males body.
The two didn't match up so eventually, ( given there was no way I could identify myself like we can in this day and age) I set about rectifying a wrong within myself.
You make it sound like you have some dreaded desease.
We don't have badger's in this Country but I get the drift of your meaning and wonder, WHY?
You are what you are and no amount of fighting it, will change it.
Another of my sayings is, " You can take the person out of transgender but you can never take the transgender out of the person."
And thats a truth.
Instead of fighting your truth, why don't you start embracing it and being a real person for yourself instead of what others expect you to be and I am guessing that this is the root cause of your anguish.
Family and peer pressure does horrible things to our minds and the need to conform is overpowering but there comes a time in our lives when we have to face up to our truth and you are at that time so start reading blogs, there is a wealth of honest, open material in the "University of PE" archives and for heavens sake, put your questions out there to us and if you get criticism, from me, who will never gloss over what is, or anybody else, take it on the chin, absorb, learn and grow from the experience until you are comfortable to go forward with your life, in whichever direction you choose for yourself.
And finally, always remember, it is your journey, no-one elses and you have to determine your own path.
Not us, not your family or peers and not your therapist..........YOU yourself but never alone, not while you have the Pe family here with you.
Please just post what you feel like writing. People are too easily offended these days and use the feeling of being offended as a reason to censor others. I wonder if we all reserved being offended for a major personal attack or about insensitivity or about someone being denied their human rights, if we wouldn't all get along better in the world. If I don't like something someone else road (that's very different from being offended) if I can't comment in a respectful way, I simply choose not to comment.
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