I really liked what Chloe had to say on Sunday night!

Comment by Bethany Davis on August 20, 2012 at 1:06pm

Bravo ! Well there you are, to transition or not, that would be the question. But wait, sometimes I need to be able to walk in this "mans world". Yeah it is and it's not changing in my lifetime. I'm alone and for security reasons amongst others I need to deal with the world. I'm glad that I'm passable as a woman and that it's not the other way around. Passing as male would be much more difficult in my opinion. Don't give up to much to gain a balance.

Comment by Chloe Prince on August 20, 2012 at 2:49pm

Dal, you just went to the top of my short list of favorit people on PE.  And not because of the title of this blog. But because you "Get it" and articulate yourself in a "No bones about it" fashion. You're a straight shooter - and I like that :)

Comment by Dal Maxwell on August 20, 2012 at 4:46pm

I want to clarify JUST ONE THING:  when I said dabble, I didn't mean stick your toes out the door in your fancy skirt and shoes to see if the Apocalypse happens; I MEAN that taking hormones is not a attempt to cure your cold or something.  I see people post frequently about 'trying hormones to see what happens'.  Wanna know what happens?  It's almost always like heroin, in my mind.  You want more, you like the efects, and you think you can control it.  The next thing you know, you are bitchy at anyone who suggests you have gone too far, you have a pair of breasts to deal with, and you have pretty much permanently althered your physiology to the extent that if you wanted to 'perform' your manly duty you'd fail.

It's a very strong mind that can resist the temptation to proceed when your brain is sending red alerts out faster than Raid kills ants to stop NOW!

Comment by Marsha M. Marsha on August 20, 2012 at 8:59pm

I agree, Daralyn. I had to check my fantasies at the door and live life as it is or otherwise, what message would that send to my 29 year old and those who I have had relationships with as a "guy"? I had a good life and a good marriage with many happy memories, but I felt empty and couldn't put a finger on it until the mechanisms that kept me from going back to my true self broke down and...well here I am.

I have the fantasies too about pregnancy and the like but I tend not to let it dwell. As I heard a preacher say about temptation once,'A bird may fly over your head, but you don't have to let it build a nest"

 

Comment by Melanie Cee on August 22, 2012 at 4:56pm

The number 1 question I had to asked myself before coming out, in addition to the fears you listed, was could I live life alone? What would life be like after all the lights were turned off at the end of  the day and I was alone in my bedroom?  One of my customers transitioned on the job with a major company here in Bellingham. I was privy to the comments made after she left our business and my hair stylist husband worked at the same plant  that she did  so I heard all that negative garbage too. It was brutal what she went through so I was under no illusion of what lay ahead. I lived under a rock for almost 3yrs for an issue unrelated to gender so the answer was a definite yes for me.

My fantasy of becoming a parent were dashed very early in my marriage. I was born the "SunKist" kid, all juice no seed, as my doctor put it when were went through fertility testing. However, I think I have found a solution to remedy my plight. Here's my plan....

My brother-in-law is a research specialist,department of cell biology and physiology  at the University Of New Mexico. From his bio:....his endeavors have included work in transfusion medicine,pediatric endocrinology and cell biology.....for the past 12 yrs  his work has involved  investigating signaling pathways involving estrogen receptors.... gene splicing, yada ,yada it goes on  to list recognized patents.

 Now,I don't think it would be much of a leap with his credentials to be able to produce a clone of me. With his abilities a little slice and dicing of the appropriate genes here and there and bingo bango I am reborn anew in a form I was always meant to be.  Of course this would be a home project,off the books. I'd have to set up a " Total Recall " video like when Arnold told himself "you are not who you think you are" that would be sent to me on my "new" 18th birthday. The only flaw so far is convincing my guy friend to enter one of those cryogenic chambers NOW. And not one of those ones where they only freeze the head. Oooooh noooo. I promised to thaw him out when when I hit 25yrs old. Why 25 and not 18 you ask? Because I am going to enjoy this smoking hot "new" body before I settle down. Yeah it's a work in progress.

My real fantasy... That everyone enjoy the support and acceptance I have in my life, that someday society will recognize the reality that what many here have struggled to come to terms with is very real.

Comment by Caroline Grace on August 24, 2012 at 10:21am

I agree that transwomen should always acknowledge the journey we have be on. Old photos should not be put awayas they are the memories of others and we have been on an incredible journey. We should not deny ourselves the ability to talk about this journey.

Since we should also have the opportunity to share with whomever we wish our pasts and not have everyone else free to have at it on their own, I believe that changing documents does help us.  every employers needs to see either a birth certificate or a passport. Having aligned documents simply helps everything along, so any put down to those who would change such documents is wsimply wrong. My birth certificate now has my current name. In a 100 days or so, it will have my new sex, too.

That is not denying who I was in the past but it is acknowledging who I am today. Everybody who knows me knows that I am out to the world, including in the media. So this is not about hiding my past. It is about not having to go into my past with everyone whenever I need ID.

I also totally agree that transition is not something you do on a whim. However, I will point out that we all transition on our own timelines. I have a friend / mentor that took 17 years. This is not something to be rushed into, so if someone needs to explore the idea - even for years - I do not think I can say that it is unhealthy. We all walk our own paths.

Lastly, I want to disagree with the idea that we will never be women. Some of the reasons offered up here include not being able to get pregnant, bleeding, or go through puberty. How many millions of women do you think would have those same issues? What about intersexed people - are they not men or women?  Not all women have the same cultural experiences, the same physical experiences, on the same experiences in any other category you can think of.  No doubt many women who are infertile have the same desire to get pregnant and become just as jealous of those who are as we do. What man thinks like that?  Women are defined by thought processes, by how they see themselves in social constructs - at work, with their families, and how they views themselves.  It's not about hair, makeup, babies, menses, or even our physical bodies despite how much anxiety that last category creates for us.  And to help illustrate the point let me say that a woman from Ethiopia in China would have a hard time feeling like she understood the world around her or that she fit into. No matter what, that still doesn't change the fact that she is still a woman.  TS folks are simply subsets of a larger groups but that still doesn't change the fact that we are women.

Comment by Dal Maxwell on August 24, 2012 at 10:47am

Caroline - I actually only threw those few items in to illustrate some of the minor differences that we have with natal women.  You're absolutely right about barren or intersexed women and I have used that very logic on ocassion.  But the fact remains that we will never own a female birth circumstance, a female growing up (speaking about trans women only) or any of the corresponding rituals.  And while I loathe the whole 'my pain is greater than your pain' thing from people like the fanatic radfems, I also think it is dishonest for someone going through transition to claim that 'when I was a little girl' anything.  Those are not our experiences and we can't own them no matter how much we want to.

I actually laugh when I go to a new medical facility and they ask me things like 'when was your last period' (I can't remember that far back lol) or 'are you pregnant' (I already have two kids and I'm kinda long in the tooth).  I say THESE things in jest because anyone holding my (ponderous) medical records will already know that I am trans.  But I know who I am and how I got here.  That, to me is a critical thing to remember. 

But sorry if my insinuation came off wrong.  I was just making a point from my own opinion base.

Comment by Rachel King on August 24, 2012 at 10:04pm

Actually, I can't find fault with anything you have stated, Dal.

The fact is, we were born with a males physicality and though our mind may have been female, we have a lifetime of maleness to undo in our quest for mental stability as women.

Jeez, I'll tell you what, unlearning 50-something years of maleness can be downright hard and often in this male dominated world of ours, I sometimes thank and sometimes curse the fact that I have this hardened exterior to fall back on under the weight of male arrogance.

And that is undeniably, something that only a rare natal woman can deal with.

We are different, not lesser but different in some small measure, than natal women.

It is our blessing and our curse and one that we cannot ignore.

We have no reason or need to attach a stigma to ourselves but, Viva la Difference.

I never advertise who I am but inside, I always am aware.

Just as a woman who is infertile knows deep inside she is slightly different to another, so do we.

It's no biggie, merely an awareness that can't be denied.

How can I be?

 

Good post Dal.

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