i m sad

Comment by Rachel King on July 21, 2012 at 1:59am

Deanne, I hope you have read one of the current blogs, " Multiple Roles"
It addresses your very real concerns well.

Your profile says crossdresser but your anguish is screaming out trans?

This site is the perfect vehicle for you to determine where you are in the spectrum.

I wish you well.

Comment by Caroline Grace on July 21, 2012 at 5:46am

Welcome... You've have told your story in a place that is full of people with understanding. This place is full of people like you. I'd say a lot of us experienced moments like your wig shop.  Because there are so many emotions going on for you I'd suggest that now is the time to find a gender therapist. That is a person skilled in helping gender non-conforming people understand themselves better.

It is obvious you are torn between expressing yourself and not evoke terrible reactions from your wife.  Clearly your love for her and your desire to not upset her are twisting you up inside because your need to express yourself as a woman is that strong. Both are powerful forces, aren't they?

May I point out something that may not be so obvious? You chose to shop in person for the wig. You let another person know that you express this "side" of you in a very personal way. Obviously, you were willing to risk possible exposure. In today's world of post office boxes and pre-paid credit cards, you could easily have mail ordered a wig. But getting the right one was a huge driver, I'll bet.  I am also asking you to consider that part of this wig purchase was a way to express to another human who you are.

I won't diagnose you but I will tell you that I was a crossdresser for 5 decades, or at least that was the story I told myself.  We all walk our own paths, at our own paces, and we are free to try to deal with the undenialable force within in whatever way we have the wisdom, strength, and courage to do. 

The guys and gals here typically only want one thing for you. For you to find greater happiness and peace.  Hahahaha, That's two things, isn't it?

So again, welcome!!!!

Comment by stephanie dixon on July 21, 2012 at 7:41am

you are not alone alot if not most of us have been in that place you are among friends here sister

Comment by HELEN BRADY on July 21, 2012 at 10:02am

I am in complete sympathy with your dilemma. It seems most of have to go through hell to become true selves.

I started wearing wigs SEVEN years before I transitioned, and was teaching music at a middle school. YES you bet the kids commented a lot on it, but they actually liked it, and no even made any nasty comments. WHY did I do it? I could not stand looking at my bald male head, even though I didn't yet know why.l

So enjoy your wig, I hope you and wife can work things out between you, but it isn't easy.  I lost the company in person of my ex when I transitioned as she says she just can't bear to see me in person as a woman.  We were lovers and friends at the time but not living together any more.

Comment by Marsha M. Marsha on July 21, 2012 at 10:32am

Deanna, sometimes in life doesn't it seem we have this moment of clarity? That imaige you saw seems to be a refection of a deeper, inner person and moreover the "she" within is not going away. Whether you need to transition, or to what degree, is something you will certainly discover and we who have been there, or have traversed  the the skewed topography of gender incongruence will be here to guide the way.

My only advice is, be prepared for much emotional upheaval and stay with us. I also would find a counselour. From a Christian's standpoint I kept this verse in mind as as I went through tmy transition, "...all thing work together for the good to them who love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."

Hugs

Comment by Deanne R Breene on July 21, 2012 at 5:21pm

thank you for everyones comments and caring for how i feel, i should have let every one know i have been here a while  and that i only started to come back here for support. i did see a therapist for 2 years , i figured out stuff ,i knew i did not need to keep seeing her as it was to costly for me , i know i m trans ,have for a while .

It's just  i m stressed by it again, i have a family and kids . all i really want right now is to spend sometime with another girl friend and be me a least for a few hours , days would be better. Any one out there in BC on vancouver island want to be friends,(girl Friends)

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