I"m Not the Easter Bunny!

I’m always looking for yet another analogy to explain aspects of the trans experience to cisgender people. I’ve got a lot of them, but this time I figured I would go seasonal in order to beat this dead horse just a little bit more. I think I used this one on my therapist, who reacted with great boredom having heard me pontificate on “what it’s like” yet again, after hearing the same types of things for a good 30 years. You probably haven’t, so hopefully you have a few more months before you would rather pour Draino in your eyes rather than read another of my posts.

Imagine being born and having your earliest memories being people coo over what a cute little Easter bunny you are. One of your parents is one, as are about half the people you know. From the get go they are dressing you in ridiculous looking vests, shoving baskets in your hands to carry around, and sticking you in with other bunnies who are all too excited to go hopping around on these giant, giant feet. Problem is, you don’t really feel like an Easter bunny. There are these tooth fairies around without the big ass ears, cumbersome feet, buck teeth and wear much prettier things than the damn vest. Why don’t you look like them?

It’s difficult to even take yourself seriously in situation. The mirror is clear confirmation that you are indeed the Easter bunny. People provide independent confirmation of this continuously and feel the need to correct you any time you start acting too tooth fairy-ish. God forbid anyone catches you waving around a magic wand or ditching the vest for a tutu. Maybe they never do, but your impression is that it would not be good. Why doesn’t this fricking outfit have a zipper anyway?

Getting older is a huge bummer. You and the fairies didn’t really look that different in your salad days, but now the damn ears is growing like crazy and there is fur all over the place. You are pressured into hiding eggs, which doesn’t feel very natural at all. Collecting teeth does, but lack of opposable thumbs makes this a vague frustration. On top of it all, a lot of the other Easter bunnies now act like that asshole tribe of rabbits from Watership Down. Not only will they bite each other’s ears off, but give fairies in proximity a brutal thumping as well. The association with them is downright nasty and uncomfortable. What to do, what to do?

Perhaps emulating fairies here and there will be enough to fulfill you. You find the ears can be tucked down under a tiara, a reasonable approximation of wings can be attached, and fur that can’t be shaved (too obvious when mingling with the other bunnies), can be covered with some opaque fairy colored nylon. It’ not the same, but still, it’s something. Soon you come to find there are other bunnies who like to do the same thing. Finally, you are not alone! You come to find, however, that a lot of these other bunnies seem to have different reasons for doing the same thing you do. Very different! Not quite fairy on not quite fairy stuff. Eh, just not your thing. Again, you feel alone and depression creeps in. Eating carrots seems pointless, and you’ll kill yourself if you have to hide another egg. You are a fucking Easter bunny and that’s it; it gets harder and harder to imagine what this world has for you.

You have heard of these semi-mythical bunnies who live as fairies all the time, and do things that make them virtually the same. This of course involves telling everyone you are not really a bunny but a fairy. Other bunnies like to joke about this because it threatens their sense of rabbitude. Even some of the fairies treat this derisively. Once such a thing seemed like an insurmountable impossibility, but now it’s looking like the only thing left. This is going to be difficult, but a path up to daylight filled with spiders and snakes still seems a sight better than being buried alive. You look for help.

As it turns out, there is a lot that can be done! The thick white rabbit fur you always hated can be permanently removed. A regular infusion of pixie dust and egghiderone blockers can make you look and feel much more fairyish and round out some of your bunnyness, not to mention grow small, but real wings. You can even take the final step and have the infuriating ears removed. A few more nips and tucks there, a grind down of the big buck teeth, and you are downright fairyish! The only thing you can never do is fly. You may have feelings about that, but even some fairies can’t either. It’s the smallest of prices.