I Give Up! And Maybe Goodbye pt.2

Comment by Lila Brooks on October 18, 2012 at 11:14pm

Allison, I think you can remove the additional name (Fr***elle, I assume? Nice to know that you are, indeed, une "elle") from your PinkEssence profile URL by going to your page > Settings > My Page (on the left side, under Profile & Email) > Address. Hopefully that should stop it from showing up in Google searches (I do see your profile under the Google search, it must be an uncommon name) ...

The most significant thing I've learned in my short time on PinkEssence is that EVERYONE here has a different story, and what works for one person will not necessarily work for another person. Keep that in mind when reading advice from others, including myself ...

FWIW I also have the similar experience of strangers coming up to me who recognize me, "aren't you that guy in that band?" (it's not even that popular of a band, but it is known locally).

Comment by Dal Maxwell on October 19, 2012 at 1:53am

Allison - I'd like to politely put out the opinion that if you aren't doing for you, doing for everyone else is pointless.  I know that may sound convoluted but we have to be in a good place for ourselves to be of any use to anyone else.  And that doesn't mean turning your back on the suffering or needs of others; just that it's a good time to work your own stuff out as well.

And I really do hope you stick around; it's sad when someone feels disenfranchised from the very people she sought out for comfort in the first place.

Comment by Julia Giannopoulos on October 19, 2012 at 7:59am

Alison with a giant  " P " for a face,

You are projecting your assumptions onto people that belong to a particular site.

It appears you are certainly searching for therapy via the supportive friend route.

Change and growth come from you first and is assisted and " cheered on " by friends that you meet either in person or in this case in a cyber environment. 

The martyr role makes many MANY people recoil from a person that projects that due to it sounding like whining and complaining.

Look at it like this; """ Poor me, I do and do and do for people yet no one loves me back. """ 

Guess who doesn't love you Allison? You!

This is why you don't get respect and why people walk all over you!!

When you have self respect and actually think your life is worth something you actually start standing up and saying hey, I'm going to be alright with or without you.

When someone whines and complains all it does is enrages me to the point of wanting to kick that person in the head.

Me coming across as a drill sergent wasn't for your benefit, it was a guttural reaction to the words I was reading. 

Do, don't do, cry, complain, Don't complain, whatever, it's up to you. 

There's a saying in the sales game that when a sales rep is desperate and needs a sale a prospect can smell it allover them. 

The same can be said of you.

Stop pushing, stop assuming and start looking at yourself first.

Comment by HELEN BRADY on October 19, 2012 at 10:10am

To prevent the searchability, I use this alias. Hopefully it is nowhere connected to my real name, but I use my own picture, and have been found on facebook by friends who wondered why my name was changed.

It is a hard hard road for many to follow. But I fear if transfolk try to not follow it, they wind up terribly hurt or damaged, or dead. I don't know what words of kindness to give you that will help you. You are certainly free to contact me any time, realizing that it may be a day before I see you missive. So I am adding you as a contact as of now.

Comment by Julia on October 19, 2012 at 10:38am

Hi Allison,

I hope I have understood your blog in the same sence as you wrote (As I'm German, English is just a language I've learned for many years but not my native language ...) and just like I could agree in many things with your in your last blog, I also can agree in your actual blog.

As written last time with my birthday-greetings here I see each day I write these greetings here on PE so many people on the birthday list who just have been added here, but never or very rare wrote about themselves, wrote blogs or posted photos ... the ones who have answered you now and in your last blog are just the small minority of active PE-members here who really try to help with hints and ideas when they can and otherwise are also publishing their own blog. Also I have published blogs yet here and just got one or two replies or in worst case none. I could react like you and think about giving up, especially as the majority of the members here all live in the US and certainly have more chances and places or events where they can meet as real persons and not only "online" on PE.

Otherwise I also have close friends here with times we've written news once or twice a week and then there was a huge break and for months no reply. But anytime I got a message with an apologice and read what they had to do or work to earn the money for any OP or what problems they had and couldn't or didn't want to write about here on PE. I can't think bad about them, so we're still close friends.

The problem in the background of a missing communication or a lack of help is probably how many people actually have become member on PE, but seemingly aren't interested to get more active ... Or probably some of them don't dare to get public with messages - maybe because they feel to have a bad English and live in European or Asian countries.

There may be a huge number of reasons why ist just a little group of active members here with actually more than 5700 members officially, but it is wrong in my eyes to judge over the little minority of active members by using the almost permanent "silence" of the majority as a reason for being angry about this actual situation. I didn't want to write in this direct way, but I think you'll understand me when I say to you: Please stay here on PE and try to endure this actual situation! Love & hugs to you from Germany!

Julia  

Comment by Dal Maxwell on October 19, 2012 at 2:39pm

So ................... listen up Allison!  GOOD is pushing you to the brink of suicide to see whether or not you have the balls to be woman enough.  Or..........something like that.  LOL

Comment by Erin Detty on October 19, 2012 at 7:41pm

I tried, you pushed me away and I still don't know why, I tried! and you were like a moving target. I'm confused on what you wanted from me or your transition, this is just being honest, not being mean. 

Comment by Allison Elizabeth on October 19, 2012 at 10:21pm

Erin, I do indeed owe you an apology. I have looked back through my e-mails and I have seen a few that you sent that I failed to respond to. Please forgive me and be assured that I was NOT actively or consciously pushing you away. And I DO appreciate the honesty and do NOT think you are being mean. I have also sent you an e-mail message to be sure that you saw my apology & in the hopes that we can attempt to start again. As to what I want....Just be a friend and talk to me and check in every couple of weeks if you haven't heard from me. Thanks and once again, please forgive my rudeness in not responding to you.

Comment by Erin Detty on October 20, 2012 at 4:30am

We are good. Just be good to yourself and remember, I am here when you need me:)

Comment by Sylvia on October 21, 2012 at 12:42pm

Allison - What gives is that you are being too needy. 

If you want to make friends - try taking the focus off yourself and putting it on others, reaching out to them and helping them in whatever way you can - with a kind word, empathy or advice or some real action and with no expectation for tit for tat. You say you want to connect with people but you have all these excuses why you can't do this or can't do that. Thats fine - but don't expect the universe to re-arrange itself to meet your needs because it is not going to.

So - yes you are expecting too much - from both PE and its members. First you have to give...and do so without expectation. If you do that often enough and its from the heart - you will create a situation where there is a potential to make friends. But from there, you still cant expect it to come to you, you will have to work to make it happen - just like everything else in life.

So yes, you are wrong to expect someone to want to talk to you every now and then without giving them a reason to do so. Just being there and drawing attention to yourself is not enough. Thats just life. 

PE can only be supportive within the confines of what it is, a social network where you can post comments and pictures and have the opportunity (not a guarantee) to get responses to your actions. If you are not getting the responses you are looking for then YOU will have to change YOUR actions. 

People on this site can be very generous with their time and in giving thoughtful advice and feedback to serious questions and comments, but nobody responds well to a whiney attitude, nor should you expect them to want to attend a pity party unless they are hoping to get some of it for themselves. That also is life.

So, maybe its time to get real with yourself about who you are and what you want out of your life. Come to terms with your situation and decide that if you want to improve it - that is going to have to come from you and you are going to have to work to make that happen. If you feel you are working and nothing is happening, then you need to either work harder or change what you are doing.  If you really want to do something  about improving or changing your situation significantly, then that means that you are going to have to take risks. What kind of risks are you prepared to take? If you are not prepared to take any risks - then you can't expect anything to change - whether its here on PE or anywhere else in your life.  

In the end - PE is simply a venue through which you can express an image of yourself (through words and pictures) your views and your situation, learn from others experiences, reach out to others and be vulnerable in a fairly safe environment and receive feedback from others on all the above. 

That is all you should expect from the site. Anything more than that - should it happen to come your way - should be considered a bonus. But you dont get bonuses in life from just sitting back and waiting for things to happen.

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