So a very first for me happened this past week. I went to a salon (en drab) and had a pedicure. I have wanted to do it for so long, had bought a new pair of black dress sandals that I wanted to show of my new pedicure as I was going to Amanda's at True Colors for a transformation. Now its not that I have had pedicures before, its not even that I asked for color on them, french of course. It was that I told the first person (non CD/TS related) about Carol. She had just finished and suggested that I stay and wait until they dry as I don't want to smudge "my pretty toes". I asked her if I could get her opinion and showed her two pictures of Carol, she looked back and forth (I was sooo nervous waiting for her reaction) then smiled and said I looked great and that my hair looked fabulous. I mentioned that I needed to lose some weight and she smirked and and shook her head no (of course at that point she locked in a BIG tip). I could not believe it - I told someone and they didn't go running and screaming away.
So what was my highlight of that day, was it the pedicure and having painted toes, was it the magic and transformation that Amanda did on me, the new clothes I bought for the shoot or the almost 300 pictures Amanda took? Yes all of those things were wonderful - absolutely wonderful. But the crowning moment that has affected me deeply was the peace and serenity it has given me. It's a sense of confidence - almost like power but not like power "I can rule a country type of power" - it's more of power that I can possibly have control over my destiny as Carol. I now have a desire to tell more people - I almost told the womna who cuts my hair today - unbelievable that she brought up crossdressing and I thought it was a sign - does she know? I chickened out as it's too close to "home".
So where does Carol go from here - does she tell her spouse - tell a close friend? I am scared as it has opened up much stronger feelings that I do not want Carol to go into the closet - deeper that ever before. I just don't know - will just take it day by day.