Her own bedroom .... Is this the beginning of the end??

Comment by Rachel King on July 23, 2012 at 6:29am

Holly, most spouses on the breakdown of a marriage( for whatever reason) would kick you out of the marital home which gives me the shittlebits because mostly it is we that paid most of the bills( and yes, I was kicked out of my marital home)

The fact that your beloved wants to stay in the marital home with you and sort through her feelings is a bonus that frankly, you should not have dared hope for.

And you feel hurt?!!!!!

Strewth, you don't want much, do you.

She is prepared to stick by you and you want to show your love this way!

Sorry for sounding so harsh but I betcha dozens of readers over the next few days will react as I am, though I admit, they won't be as harsh in their judgement as I but I am an Aussie and I say what I think and think what I say.

I can't help myself in that.

My thoughts........ treat your wife with the most TLC you can possibly muster and thank your lucky stars for a woman in your life who is prepared to try and transition with you.

 

Few do!!!!

Comment by Rachel King on July 23, 2012 at 6:36am

And..... maybe it's not the beginning of the end, but the end of the beginning.

A new life awaits you both, that you may just be able to share together.

A Take 2 of a fantastic life about to unfold.

And without the lies.

 

Positively salivating thought, isn't it.

Comment by Caroline Grace on July 23, 2012 at 6:59am

Wait... wait.. wait...

You had years to deal with being TG. She's had months. Families transition with us now matter if they stay on the path with us or not.  Give her time and space. 3 years later and my ex-girlfriend and I are back in the same home. What will happen is anyone's guess. We are at point where we can say without reservation, "I love you".  That may not be enough to return to a romantic situation, but I stll get to see her and the children everyday. That is a blessing. In our whole time apart I never stopped loving her and I m pretty sure she never stopped loving me.  And I have friends that made it through, though they split for 3 months, and today their marriage is so strong.

Love doesn't end.

Still, you must admit this is a lot to dump on anyone. just keep seeing all the terrific things ther are about her and keep sharing what you see.

"It is not how they feel about you that matters most, it is how they feel about themselves when they are around you." Be a mirror to your wife's greatness. Let her know you see her shine. This is the best way to keep her and don't worry about drawing lines in the sand or setting deadlines. 

Comment by Holly Muczynski on July 23, 2012 at 9:48am

Rachel, i am just saying that it hurt me, i do understand, it just hurts when the words are said directly to you. My wife and i love each other more than anything, even her counselor see's this. I have never been in this situation before, and therefor it has been a bit emotional . I have been extremely blessed with the way my wife and son have dealt with my transition, and i never thought it would have as well as it has. Thank you for your input , i greatly appreciate it, i just think maybe you took it the wrong way, or i did not write it the correct way. The only thing i have ever wanted for my wife is to be happy, even if that means leaving me, i am ok with that, but that does not mean it will not hurt. 

Caroline, i understand what you are saying as well, and i am sure you had a really hard time during those 3+ years. It is really hard to not draw lines in the sand or set any deadlines. Sometimes i feel like she wants to leave me , but just will not say it. Thank you for the advice as well.

Thanks everyone for the hope and encouragement, it is greatly appreciated knowing that there are plenty of friends out there to listen to my personal dilemmas.  

Comment by Megan Strickland on July 23, 2012 at 11:28am

Holly as someone who is in the very same position as your wife I can tell you that this is not the end..just a new chapter. It is so confusing to have so much love for a person but to look at them and not see that person anymore. I in no way am trying to down play how hard all of this is on you but please try and understand as the other person it is so hard for me to try and tell my "husband" how I feel about a lot of situations because I love her and I don't want to hurt her feelings but at the same time I can't help how I feel. I think she is doing the same thing I am trying to do, hold on to her sexuality. As for your comment about you  think sometimes she wants to leave you but doesn't want to say so..I'm sure the thought has crossed her mind. It has mine but the bottom line is the love I feel for my husband and she feels for you just won't let her walk away..thats why you have to give her time to heal and time for her to be strong. I think you will see in the end she will be your biggest supporter. Just please try and give her time because..for me anyway if my "husband" walked away thinking she was giving me freedom after everything I went through to be okay with her I would be beyond hurt and angry. Just give her some space and time..no deadlines..just time.

Comment by Dal Maxwell on July 23, 2012 at 11:38am

Holly - It really isn't for you to set the marker of 'how long' anything.  You have changed/demolished the very foundation on which your relationship was built; trust.  Your 'error of omission' was a massive life lie to your wife.  Giving her 'some time' to make a decision is a really terrible way to repair the emotional damage. 

May I suggest that you don't push ANY envelopes for a while; merely make yourself available.  Don't put your expectations on her; she needs to process this in her own way and draw her own conclusions in her own time.  This is one of those delicate situations akin to explaining a divorce to your children; keep it simple, stay focused, and accept responsibility for your part without looking to lay blame elsewhere.

Whatever else transpires, your personal landscape has been forever changed.

Comment by Holly Muczynski on July 23, 2012 at 11:58am

Just a little injection here, my wife has known for several years about my decision and has been the one that has helped push me to be happy for me. She knew that i dressed before we got married over 10 years ago as well. All of you are right though, i need to give her time, and that is what i plan on giving her. It is just very frustrating having to go through this, so that is why i posted what i did, i was not trying to be insensitive towards my wife at all, i am just not good at conveying my thoughts into words. I am thankful for all of the comments.

Comment by Megan Strickland on July 23, 2012 at 1:24pm

Holly

I didn't realize she knew from the begining and she has known for a while. I think that changes things a lot because where I was coming from was a women who married not knowing anything about my husband being transgender. Maybe, because you have gone full time she has realized her choices. I don't know I just find it strange some of the things she is saying to you now..after all this time. I am with you..I'm not sure how to feel about all that. Is there something new about to happen..

Comment by Sylvia on July 24, 2012 at 8:31pm

No, this is just a continuation of the many steps leading in that direction - the first step - or beginning - happened a long time ago when your spouse found out you were not actually the person she thought she had married - after which she did not say to herself - "cool - because I am really a lesbian and am glad my husband will be turning into a woman!"

Comment by Darla Rose Klein on July 27, 2012 at 4:00pm

Wel las i see it it has become your spouse's decision.My wife and i have spent almost a year and a half in seperate rooms!we are still together,and we still dont the what the future will be.and yes we love each other.i wish you well.

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