Georgia Ladies, I am in desperate need of help!

Comment by Kathy Murdock on October 10, 2012 at 3:54pm

Did you know that you have a twin sister Allison?  I’m referring to myself.  I can identify with everything you wrote in your post.  I have thought the same way and on occasion still feel the depression trying to sneak back in.  I’m not a trained counselor but I’m willing to offer as much help as I am able to provide.  Please see my recent post, “Did God send an Angel”.  As a Christian you know that God puts us into some very difficult situations sometimes, for the life of me I am still trying to figure this one out as you are.  There is a reason and we will understand it someday.  If life were meant to be easy there would be no growth.  I prayed, begged and pleaded for God to remove this from me for years.  I have seen him perform miracles and he has answered many of my prayers.  This is the one prayer he has remained silent on.  I can argue almost any theological or scientific reason for why there are transgender people but I don’t have the true answer, probably never will.

I will correct one notion in your head right now; you are not pathetic to turn to the internet begging for friends!  If you are then so am I and dozens of others.  Also you don’t have to beg, we are willing to help.

If you would like to have me as a contact let me know.  I would be happy to share my phone number with you and you can call anytime.

This morning I was up about 4 am responding to a blog when I suddenly started to get some pain and started to bleed.  Long story short I went to the ER (just got home) after discovering I had a bladder infection.  I waited for over 4 hours for a doctor to see me.  As I was sitting in a chair holding my bloody urinal I started to get upset with the hospital because it seemed they were dragging their feet.  While I lay there they brought in a man in severe pain.  After watching him for a few minutes I determined what was wrong with him, he was suffering from cluster headaches.  I suffered from these for 20 years; I know the symptoms well.  They also refer to them as suicide headaches because the pain is so severe some people commit suicide.

When I was able to do so I motioned to his wife to come over and she verified my diagnosis.  I told her my story and how I finally found a cure.  Of course her eyes lit up and I told her how I was cured.  I then offered her my business card and told her to call if she needed more information.  I no sooner gave her my card and the nurse came to release me.  I can’t help but wonder if God used me to help him.

You’re not alone I see a counselor and she does specialize in transgender counseling.  When I discussed my depression with her she suggested that I also make contact with others who are transgender for emotional help that is why I am here.  Seems your way ahead of the game.

On a final note I made God one last offer, if he would deliver me from this delima in this life time I agreed to come back in the next as Sandra Bullock - still waiting for a reply:)

Comment by Janell Elynn Smith on October 10, 2012 at 6:02pm

Allison, We are your friends here . Raise the issu and we will help. Since you are a Christian you've heard the adage "Ask and ye shall receive."  Well most people don't know how  powerful and true it is. So ask. Your answers are not too far away.---Blessings, Elynn

Comment by Karen Moate on October 11, 2012 at 2:28am

One very important thing you must know is that no counselor worth their salt is going to push you to transition.  that is up to you alone.  Basically the counselor is ther to let you help yourself by talking things out with a non-judgemental person.  They should never ask leading questions or make you feel inadequate in any way.  They are going to tell you to learn to accept yourself for who you are.  It took me four years of dealing mostly with gender issues in counseling to actually get there.  Over nine years total in therapy.  So really you are driving the bus and it is all up to you haow you proceed and if that means living a life in two genders then that is how you will approach it.  Nothing at all wrong with that.  I wish you well but remember also to not fee like you have to go to another town to "hide" going to counseling either.  Depression does get better but it is always an ebb and flow pattern.  So if you have it it will almost certainly come back but you need to learn coping methods and how to recognize triggers for your depression.  Please take care of  yourself and stop being ridiculous talking about suicide.  I finally relized that is what I was doing was just being stupid because truthfully I didn't actually want to die I wanted my suffering to end.  The fact that you are reaching out tells me that you don't want to die either you need help and are attempting to get it.  Please recognize that fact and own it for what is is a cry for help.  It is here for you but you have got to keep making the effort until you find the kind of help you need.  It is sort of like looking for rocks on a sandbar in the river you walk along and there are thousands upon thousands of pebbles rocks and boulders.  You only pick up the ones that you find attractive or just plain like.  Pick up some rocks Allison but only pick the ones you really like to take home with you.  Don't fill your pockets with a whole lot of them because they will just weigh you down, pick the very best and keep them for your own.  Getting what you want and need works the same way.  You are worth giving yourself every opportunity and chance that you can.  You are a unique individual  and there isn't anyone who can repla.ce you.  You must take the who ideation of suicide off the table and deal directly with the issues that are truly bothering you and until you do that you are not going to find peace within.  My life is filled with a lot of pure shit right now, but in my heart I know that what I am doing is for the best and my life will get better.  That is all I have to hold on to because everything else that I thought was seccure in my life is going away.  Strip away all of the lies and self delusion and false pretenses and leave me bare ass naked standing before God and I can say that I have no more secrets to hide, my soul is clean, my consience is clear and I am doing my dead level best to be completely honest with myself and others and there is a freedom in that like I have never known.  I do have peace of mind about my decision but my actual living of life hasn't caught up with the peace that I have about that decision.  I know that in time it will get there.  I just have to keep passing the open windows.   K

Comment by Sabrina Massiel on October 11, 2012 at 1:30pm

There are all sorts of resources at the site below, including contacts of at least a couple very good therapists.

http://www.atlantagender.org/othergroups.html

I wouldn't be too put off by a slow response. My best therapist ever took over a week to respond to my initial inquiry. Sometimes they are just busy or on vacation.

Comment by Chelle Munroe on October 11, 2012 at 2:51pm

I'm no expert by any means, but I am a good listener which can equate to a friend. Place your trust in God and draw all the strength you need from Him. He won't let you down. Please keep fighting the negatives and allow the beautiful person within, whether exposed or not, to bring you happiness. There are so many here who can be helpful to you by understanding all you are going through, having been there themselves, and having the true compassion to care about you.

Comment by Lauren Elisabeth Tancyus on October 13, 2012 at 11:52am

Sweetie, even if you can't find a therapist right away to address the gender issue, see someone to at least put a dent in the depression so that you no longer feel suicidal. Not addressing the gender issue won't allow you to resolve the depression, of course. but getting started on resolving the depression through therapy and medication will put you in a much better place to handle the upcoming decisions about what you want to about your gender identity. 

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