From Cross-Dresser to Transsexual

Comment by Allison Elizabeth on April 26, 2012 at 4:06am

Wow! What an amazing story! Any idea how I can find someone like that to help me? ;)

Comment by Caroline Grace on April 26, 2012 at 6:40am

Clearly you have a wonderful way about your communications. I read every word with profound interest.  And thanks for the insight into your culture and upbringing.

When we get help becoming the new us, it does have a incredible impact, doesn't it?  I have my own stories that mirror the one you have shown here so I can definitely have some understanding of what this must have been like for you.  I am so glad that you have had this experience and so glad that you could see something incredible in people around you, too, who walk a different path than you do.  You rock!

Comment by Sabrina Massiel on April 26, 2012 at 8:38am

That is a really cool story. Isn't it wonderful to find a mentor who is truly willing to help? 

I had a friend who did similar for me many years ago; the only thing she asked in return was that one day when I met a new girl that I helped her in the same way I was helped. 

And notes or no notes you look great! 

Comment by Dal Maxwell on April 26, 2012 at 10:08am

That is SO cool, Amanda.  It not only shows how we evolve over time, but how much heart that otherwise hardened people still have.  So good on you for getting to where you are!

Comment by Amanda-Wayne Roberts on April 26, 2012 at 11:20am

This morning, I remembered the only picture I had of the two of us.  I just added it to the blog.  It wasn't taken on the night I described.  I didn't have a really good camera phone then... a relic of Wayne.. I fixed that a month later and have since taken more pictures of me than I have ever taken in my entire life... LOL..And my friend wasn't too found of taking pictures... This one was taken of us, by a group who covered drag shows, several months later at a gay country western bar... God, I so miss Las Vegas. 

Caroline, thank you for your compliments on my writing... <3<3.  The expectations placed upon me due to my race and gender and how I've responded have been the deepest and most significant driving force of my life.  Being physically black and growing up in a predominantly white cultural environment and being at heart a woman and growing up in a male body has had a strange distancing effect.. I feel like I am just neither; Neither male nor female, black nor white... So when I experience these moments of connection to both ethnicity and gender they are surprising and profound.. And unfortunately short lived..

Sabrina - Although we had a lot in common... we really didn't... And the relationship was strained...  I did have a mentor that I will write about later who took me in and supported me daily.  We are BFF today.  But I believe mentors like friends come into your life for a reason, season or life-time...  And I welcome all for however long the they can share their gifts...

Allison - the first thing that I did was go to a gay bar that hosted drag shows...  I didn't know then the tension between cross-dressers/drag and transsexuals.  I just thought , "hey, here is a place where people are going to see men who are dressed as women.. It has to be ok for me." However, not trusting my logic, I didn't go dressed as a woman at first.  Soon, those places became Amanda's public house where I felt comfortable dressed as a woman.  From there I developed some confidence and friendships.  The mentoring came after that...

I also drempt of opening a service where cross-dressers and early stage transsexuals could schedule vacations in Las Vegas and be connected with a highly-passible, 24/7 transsexual who could teach them in a total immersion environment.  I wanted to customize the experience to the background of the visitor's choosing.  For example, my next mentor was from Guam, her Asian, geisha-like background was very different than this mostly black experience..

I saw the mentor taking the newbe to shop for clothing and accessories, getting/doing make overs, and helping the the visitor gain comfort in becoming the new them.  Maybe starting off at the gay bars, restaurants and nightclubs where the newbe would not have to worry about being "read"... The gay bars in Las Vegas all turned out to be very trans friendly... and graduating to "straight" establishments where they could practice passing.  I think if done in a controlled, fun and relatively safe environment, a visitor could return home with new skills, confidence and love for themselves.  This could have the effect of truly changing people's lives for the better.  I know it did for me...

Unfortunately, I am in RI right now with no plans to move back to LV, so I have shelved these dreams.  But who knows what the future holds... LOL...

Comment by Jillian Munsell on April 26, 2012 at 8:04pm

You reminded me Amanda of a few experiences in my early days of going out .. One I will share - the other... ummm no ;)

My first  time out  in public was to a support meeting at a hair salon that was closed for the evening. They had a small room in the back to change in and then we all would sit around with the others to gab.

     (Lets see a raise of hands of those who were at the same meeting but in a different city)

I packed what I thought I needed for the evening - a large duffel bag and two smaller ones as I recall, and nervously transformed myself in the back, with three others, who seemed like they were in a locker room getting ready for some very odd sporting event.

I stepped out sheepishly and attempted to make small talk with a few people I recently met. My wig was also a very inexpensive one, but I had an idea of how I thought it should be styled and brushed, and I thought I did a nice job. In short, I really was very proud of myself for all I had accomplished this evening.

About half way through the night, the spouse of one of the ladies came over to me and asked if she could fuss with my hair a bit. She spent about 5 minutes undoing and redoing what I had spent 45 minutes doing originally and then turned me around to face the mirror. It was at this point my moment happened. My awakening. I was speechless that after all these years, I had actually become the girl of my dreams.  She had softened my bangs and lifted my curls in a way that shaped my face perfectly.I was p-r-e-t-t-t-y, Oh so P-R-E-T-T-T-T-TY

It was a real turning point for me and although I have no idea who that woman was, I will be forever grateful.

Jillian

Comment by Crystal Kelli Lynne Rossi on April 28, 2012 at 12:20pm

Hey Amanda girl, thanx for sharing. What an awesome post hon! I grew up in a project home area and have seen this comradery between women just like you said and it wasn't just black women. At the time I didn't realize anything but you sure caused me to think back when I would go with Mom to Miss Jones' place for her to get her hair done. She was a black lady stylist and she did everyone's hair in the neighborhood. Ok...I am going into left field again lol Sorry. My transition didn't come quite as kewel as yours did but I have the same fears as you did with exposing where you work and all. Glad you had a friend that could help you along like she did. Wish I could have been there in person with how you wrote. One of the milestone moments for me was the first time shopping for my clothes! I pay way more attention to fit and looks now than I ever have before in my entire life. I find myself looking more at the GG's running around for outfit ideas too rather than as the people they are so I can be more clothes savvy.

Comment by HELEN BRADY on April 29, 2012 at 3:48am

My girlfriend of 22 yrs maybe my fiance now; has dressed my hair, done my makeup. I liked it very much.

I am in LV too but only frequent straight places.  Of course, I am full time female ID and in stealth.

Comment by Amanda-Wayne Roberts on April 30, 2012 at 11:16am

Helen... I moved from LV in December.. I am sorry that we didn't meet there.  Although my not passing might have outed you.. I think I'll be there in June.  I'll message folks to set up a meeting.

Miss Suelle.. I have since found that if you don't live near any TS or straight Cis girls that can provide you a GF experience, that meeting some lesbians might be able to help.  Although they may be learning as well..

Crystal and Jillian thank you for reminding me that this isn't an exclusively black experience.  It is a woman experience.. And there is nothing like being shown that your beauty is just a few expert hand movements away from being revealed.   

Yes, Crystal, I totally look at cis woman for clothing suggestions.. I once joked on this site, something along the lines of,  "You know you are a lesbian T-girl when you meet a hot looking lady and you don't know whether to ask her for her number or where she bought her shoes.."

Comment by Janell Elynn Smith on April 30, 2012 at 4:34pm

There are "life changing moments" thta literally change our paths and growth. Usually they are moments when we make decisions that change our lives to new ways of thinking and reacting. I think you may have experienced such a moment, but you more than I are aware of those experiences. I would hope you would recognize them and share them.----Blessings, Elynn

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