Do I get a say?

Comment by Caroline Grace on August 18, 2012 at 4:18pm

Not sure I am follow what happened with the clarity you would hope I might, but if I read this right he is going to ask you to move in with him. I also got that he told others he was going to ask before he asked you.

In every situation that brings me emotion distress I try to ask myself, "What is the bottom line here? What do I want to see happen?"  There are enough times that things don't go perfectly the way in which I hoped they would, so I have lots of practice trying to figure out what is the end result I am looking for.

For starters, if he spoke to his daughter about it he is clearly saying to her you are important in his life. Could there be a better message to her? He is also saying that he believes you will be a terrific additon in both their lives, since it is also equally obvious that she matters to him. My believe is that his daughter either agreed to the move or he is so attracted that he overlooked her objections. Either way I'd say, he really committed to you.As for the rest of the things, I am not sure about the facts here. But I do know he should have spoken to you first, just as you suggested.

There is obvious some room for him to grow here, but his intentions were to make this work. I'd give him credit for that and work through whatever it is you need to work through.

Of course, I may not have understood things properly so I could be way off base. In the end, I hope that you recognize love when it comes you way and enjoy it always.

Comment by Marsha M. Marsha on August 18, 2012 at 4:53pm

You're the woman, Melanie, you are always the last to know when YOU are about to do something involving a man. He is excersizing his male privilege and making decisions for you, I hope you really like him because you are his woman, at least in his mnd.

Sis, I was being sardonic,  but I also paint what is probably a true picture and this is one of the many reasons I don't want a man in my life, on the other hand...

It's easier to let someone make decisions and lean on another especially when one has been stressed and become tired of leading when one doesn't want to lead. Strong, decisive, calm, level headed and with good assets, well most women think that is okie dokie

Comment by Galina Edwards on August 19, 2012 at 9:49pm

Melanie do you want me to come up there to help you kick ass and take names?  I have to come to Tacoma anyway to get new tag stickers for my Mercedes.

Yes he should have mentioned this or had some small conversation involving you and him moving in together some day.  This is really true when you have a big event comming up.  It is out of the blue and just adds one more worry.

I believe you mentioned in another blog or reply that you had a sexual experience an your wife knew about it.  I am only guesssing, but for you it may just have been a fun and experimental thing.  It is not the same for men and you know that.  Some men just fall in love so easily when it is really just lust.  There is also the truism that people want what they cannot have and when the get it, they don't want it any more.

Just be careful.

Hugs

Comment by Melanie Cee on August 20, 2012 at 9:25pm

@ Galina, Come on up,we're in Kent. I'm afraid the only person who requires an ass kicking is yours truly and you already know the name. You're right about the stress of preparing for all the people who were going to show up as  contributing to my meltdown. Add to that this is the first time we are having it here rather than Cali so I want everything just so.Don made most of the arrangements because the week before I had a boat and car show that I both help organize and  show in La Conner.  Guys don't think about the small little details so one minute we were discussing things I thought we still needed to get done and out of the blue he asked if I've thought anymore about moving in. I was okay with that,I was not okay that I was not apart of the conversation between he and my wife.He also knows I don't mention his name when I'm home and I don't want Mary's name brought into the conversation when I'm with him. Guilt? You betcha.

Yes, my wife knows of my infidelity, I told her. I won't go into detail only to say we are making it work and she doesn't expect others to understand the freedom she's given me.I generally don't look book or play the "if" game but I have wondered "if" I'd been better off "if" I had kept it a secret. I did address this in a reply and the only thing I have to add is that for me it was not an experiment. It was an innocent progression of events that blossomed over a number of yrs. "Some men just fall in love so easily when it is really just lust". LOL Every guy here has been in lust married at least twice and a friend I helped move up to WA. is on his 5th. Don's been in lust married 2 times,divorced for 10yrs. I tried to tell him they were no good but would he listen,nooo! They made beautiful children, terrible wives tho imnsho. Be careful??? What fun is there in being careful.

@Marsha,Marsha,Marsha, I have to admit that after a lifetime of being the one my  family, friends leans on,being the one expected to be in control whether I wanted to be or not, that relinquishing  those burdens to him was almost better than chocolate. Could I ever turn over full control to someone man or woman? No, not sure,maybe,I don't know. Like you, before transition nothing made me more sick than a hairy chested, cheap double breasted suit,a man with a hard dick. I can't say that now.

http://youtu.be/1HtG9ef5XI4

@ Caroline My apologies for the wine induced rambling  meltdown. Don wrote a reply that did a decent job of trying to explaining  my private soap opera and he meant well but I deleted his post. His kids are wonderful and just like everyone attending this shindig accepted me almost immediately when I came out to them. I talk with one of the daughters who lives in LA several times during the week who lamented to me during my meltdown " Ya know I can't keep calling you Aunt Melanie, it doesn't fit anymore." That did not help my already puffy eyes.

He reads the blogs that are publicly available and yours is one of the many he looks forward too. Fact is he is probably on here more than I. That reminds me I need to change my password. sigh

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