"We are One"

Depression

So much joy

So much passion

So much to feel

So much to love

I see the gift that is life, but I can’t accept it

Like a battered and abused wife

Thinking I can fix it

I keep returning to the pain and darkness

When all I need do is walk away

4 members like this

Comment by Amanda Beth Miller on July 18, 2012 at 2:12pm: Juliet--

You sound so desperate, and yet you recognize how many positive things life has to offer. I'm being treated for depression and anxiety too, but I know there's a tremendous amount of support 'out there' -- PinkEssence, support groups, etc., and I'll weather whatever storms come my way. I hope you can find your inner strength and escape your self-mad prison of pain and darkness.

Hugs.

Amanda

Comment by Juliet Elson on July 18, 2012 at 6:14pm: Lisa,

Thank you for your comment. I know you are right. I am having trouble figuring out how to reply but I did want you to know that I take your thoughts to heart.

Juliet

Comment by Caroline Grace on July 18, 2012 at 10:03pm: On my cell phone I have the number for the suicide prevention line: 800 274 8255. I figure even if I never need it again (26 years ago I did) I will have a friend who does. I so agree with Lisa!

3 years ago I thought nothing positive was possible. I was never going to get the chance to live as I should. I went to my first support group meeting in drab. Today I am 2+ years full time. My life is not perfect but it is filled with joys and blessings.As two examples: I just embarassed guy by flirting with him in public. 3 years ago I would never have even thought I'd be dressed in public, let alone passing. This flirting was just a test of my feminity / passability. I am now living again with my ex, whom I still love dearly...

An interesting fact, I believe, is that we are far harder on ourselves than most others. We falsely believe that no one will love, that nobody will understand, and yet many of us have no such horror stories. of course it is true that some of us lose loved ones, but losing all without anyone new is simply never the case in my humble opinion. I had to apologize to my 7 siblings for thinking they'd not understand and for worrying my sick enough to end up in the hospital over that worry.

Life life! Enjoy! It is not only possible but transition has made it a fact for me.

Comment by Shelly Pladsen on July 20, 2012 at 7:46am: Juliet, I really, really feel your pain. I have woken up so many days disappointed that was not dead. Just when I thought things could not get any worse they did. Juliet tough time do not last, but tough women do. Better days do come. Reach out to those around you that are able to support you. There are so many others here who have successfully struggled though many of the same things that you are going through right now. My strugles have seemed like it has taken forever but things do change and I am the happy. Hoping the best for you and remember that you are just so worthwhile to fight for.

Shelly

Comment by Juliet Elson on July 20, 2012 at 12:17pm: A big thank you to everyone that have posted comments or sent emails and other messages. It really helps to know that there are people, wonderful people, out there that understand what I am going through and care enough to offer kind words of encouragement or care enough to give me a swift mental kick in the pants (or is that skirt?). I hope to meet some of you at SCC so I can give you a big hug. If I have not responded to you individually, please accept my apologies. At times like this it is hard to keep my thoughts together. Please don't give up on me, stay in touch and I promise I will do better.

Comment by stephanie dixon on July 22, 2012 at 8:35am: keep writing juliet it will help you and others

Comment by Amanda Beth Miller on July 22, 2012 at 9:36am: Stephanie--

I write to Juliet on a regular basis. She has my direct e-mail, too, so she needn't go through PE.

And I agree with you that writing to her helps me as well as her, but I didn't realize it might be helping others, too.

Hugs.

Amanda