Decisions and confusion

Well as they say life moves on and at a pace sometimes.

When I started my journey it was for fun, for relaxation and was definately part time as I had no thoughts of full time or anywhere near. Eighteen months on and I am on a Hormone Therapy programme, my wife has been fully informed as has my girlfriend and my closest pals, I have a great group of supportive friends who in the main are not over suprised as they all felt I am too caring to be a full male and always showed a lot of femminine values without being gay.

My thoughts these days are of living 24/7 as Jo, indeed its a strong desire that grows and develops to be even stronger with each passing day. I now spend over 60% of my time living a pleasant, contented and very happy feminine life.

So what decisions and what confusion? Let me give you a snapshot! I am married (30 years this Sept) she knows about Jo but does not and will not accept and definately never wants to see a trace so much as a glimpse. She accepts I have a need to dress and says it must be when alone or away from the house. Even accepts I have a TG friend and also 2 ladies that support me and are sympathetic. Happy I go to any of them to dress or whilst she is at work. I left the wife 13 years ago and went back 11 years ago due to kids (now 24 - 15) and not for love of the wife. I love her like I love my sister but no more and definately NOT in love with her, sometimes I really hate her and have come to loathe her in my close proximity.

I have 2 girlfriends who know and support Jo. One wants me to move in and has moved from London to the Midlands on that belief that once here I will ,move in. Well Jo has and spends 4 or 5 days a week at her house. Jon is still at the family home. The other has said anytime Jo needs some peace and quiet I am welcome to stay, would like more but accepts I dont. Again I love both and more so than the wife in both cases but am not in love. There is a 3rd woman who I have known since I was 15, we lost touch for 30 years and met again 2 years ago. We are both in love and she also wants me to move in but knows nothing of Jo and I am frightened to tell her so have kept my arms length. She has a health issue which twice has forced her to put our relationship on hold even though I have been ther for her and stayed in the hospital with her when her illness was critical. I can not compromise, Jo is me and is my life today and forever. What a mess and what a dilemma. I have told all my best mates about Jo, almost without blinking as its really important to me, and yet I am frightened to tell this woman. Jo is giving hope to a woman who has moved 100 miles to be closer to me in the hope I will move in and believes somehow I will this side of Xmas. Yes a life with her would be good but not full of the love and adoration she feels for me, far better than with the wife, and I am not in love with her.

Well its not cleared my thinking by writing this so I guess I must give it more thought and work out a solution, meanwhile any smart ideas will be very gratefully received.......just do NOT suggest I give up my fem life, its what keeps me alive in much more than the obvious sense!