"We are One"
CSA Does Not Make You Gay (or Trans)!
My least favorite theory on how LGBTQ folks came to be (as if we need an origin story like Batgirl) is the all too prevalent myth that we are all victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA). This of course does a huge disservice to both LGBTQ folks and CSA victims at the same time. Not that the two are mutually exclusive, but any overlap (and there is overlap) is strictly coincidental. That’s our topic for today folks; how our old pal widespread ignorance has once again managed to once again unzip and foul two passerby in a drunken cross-eyes piss. I know, gross, but I think it’s how we all feel about it.
I’m really good at starting with the obvious, so I’m going to do that. I’m not at all sure how this idea got started, because there is no evidence whatsoever that being victimized by CSA causes someone to be gay or trans. Nada. Yes, some CSA victims are gay and trans, but they were gay or trans before the abuse occurred. If I had to guess how this imbecilic little tale came about, I would say that some savant in the field of logical fallacy decided that CSA is a horrible thing that causes horrible effects, and the most horrible effect they could think of is being gay or trans. Yes, yes, I’m also hot potatoes irritated by this as well.
As this is a trans forum, I think it’s right to do the gracious thing and address first why this is wrong to do to victims of CSA. Aside from super warped world view pedophiles and truly reprehensible organizations like NAMBLA (really not sure why they are not slapped with a terrorist organization label), everyone sane agrees that CSA is a horrific thing. CSA victims are scarred for life by the experience because you simply can’t obliterate the sense of trust and inherent inviolability of self in an innocent child without terrible consequences. Survivors deal with shattered psyches, paralyzing fears and anxieties, agonizing relationship issues, suicidal tendencies, feelings of worthlessness, addiction, and some even become perpetrators themselves to continue the destructive cycle. I think this is enough to deal with without tossing “and become gay or trans” on top of it. That many are able to overcome such debilitating assaults on their innocence and still manage to thrive and achieve is a testament to the human spirit. Many others simply can’t, but it still doesn’t make them gay.
Those of us born into the LGBTQ demographic also have an array of enervating odds against them from the start. Assuming the root cause of this is CSA, however, does us and our families a huge disservice. Aside from struggling with personal issues simply as a condition of our existence, many or most of us come from stable, loving, non-abusive families. I had a very happy childhood myself, and am very fortunate to never have had my trust violated by anyone. What I despise about the false link to CSA is that it casts my family and overall circumstances under a cloud of suspicion. “What really happened in the Wolf house to make her trans?” Nothing. I was never even hit. Not once. Nor was I mistreated in any way by relatives, friends of the family, babysitters, teachers, priests, friend’s parents, or complete strangers. LGBTQ people really already have enough to deal with in terms of their family without making them defensive about something they didn’t do; especially the supportive ones.
We also don’t appreciate that chalking up our innate orientations to a causation of horrific evil that by nature makes it a very negative thing. We do not consider being gay or trans to be a bad thing in and of itself. Yes, even in today’s society we admit that it would probably be easier to be in the majority, but that is entirely due to the words and actions of intolerant people. It’s not a cause of shame, the mark or poor character, or the result of a reprehensible act. Don’t even get me stated on the “lifestyle choice” or sin thing. Ugh. No one made us this way, nor did we make ourselves this way, we simply are; a less prevalent but very real part of the natural world.
Finally, to anyone who may have found this post due to a internet search to quench your thirst to link a heinous wrong to a natural condition, I hope you read the whole post and listened. Survivors of CSA have enough to deal with less your crackpot theories. We LGBTQs simply came out that way, and every shred of credible scientific evidence speaks to this being true long before air touched our infant skin. If your belief basis is biblical, well, nothing I say is going to dissuade you from holding to that, no matter what mountain of contrary findings written through the fabric of physical, chemical, and biological creation is amassed. Not even your sacred texts, however, go so far as to suggest CSA makes you gay. I can only suggest that perhaps you shift your focus to helping those who were wronged, preventing future occurrence, and showing charity of spirit to your fellow humans, however you find them.
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Comment by Caroline Grace on September 26, 2012 at 5:48am
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Michelle, your brilliance is shining here! It is very clear that you have a keen mind and have much to say that can help all of us. Your sensitivity in talking about CSA without having gone through it is amazing. You rock!
All the evidence does show that CSA is not linked to being TG.
For those of us who have been through CSA and are transgender, we have wondered - dozens of times - about a connection. Something I have never shared publicly before: I am among the survivors...
...and so I have read some research on this issue. I am aware that WPATH has proclaimed loud and clear that there is no connection. And I also know that I wasn't the only victim in my family and none of my siblings is trans. I also know that I have a nephew who is trans and as far as I know, he was not a victim of CSA, though it may be that he was. With CSA, sometimes only the victim and the perpetrator knows. Victims do not share... and yes, I have lots of the symptoms you mention including a lack of self-worth - though I might add I will never be a perp. Most victims aren't perps (90+ %), though I do recognize that some perps were victims in their youth. In my thinking, all the more reason they should have avoided the cycle.
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Comment by Erin Detty on September 26, 2012 at 10:50am -
CSA, It took my sisters and I until we were in our 30s to talk about what happened to us when we were kids, it was a babysitter that we had that did this to us.
We all agreed that the guilt kept us for talking to others or between ourselves about this, it did, I believe do its damage but in other ways not to mention and abusive childhood we faced everyday as well.
I have had sexual problems all my life, Asexuality fits this well for me, I think it may be born of this and other experiences growing up.
My sisters and I have had bad relationship issues between us all our lives, I haven't spoke to one for a few years now and the other I tried to awhile ago back but it didn't go well, and its not because I'm trans its just always been hard.
I don't talk about this much, I'm not sure that I should now but I think its important to all of us that being transgender is hard enough without having being abused as an excuses for who we are, being trans is a wonderful thing to me I just wish it wasn't demonized as it is, I'm going to stop here
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So Karen, should we switch to calling you Sugar?
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Comment by Allison Elizabeth on September 26, 2012 at 5:56pm -
I was never a victim of CSA. I think my being Trans is link to being exposed to a massive dose of DiHydrous Monoxide when I was young. It is a chemical that will literally dissolve many substances, has been linked to excessive sweating (I guess that should be GLISTENING for us!), and is a factor in MANY fatalities every year!
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@ Allison - Being exposed to Dihydrous Monoxide in direct contact is still far better than being exposed to K9P. Be careful, or next you'll be claiming you were continuously exposed to boiled oxygen, too.
By the way, Dihydrous Monoxide is cis, while C12H22011 could be trans. Being exposed to both at the same time can confuse the heck out of you... at least that is what it did to me.
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Comment by Kathy Murdock on September 27, 2012 at 6:13am -
I learned that my mother was exposed to too many political debates while I was in the womb, when I was born I couldn't figure out if I wanted to be a democrat or republican, when both parties were later questioned who was at fault they blamed each other. Somehow this effected my DNA, the rest is history.
This is an interesting point you bring up that I never thought about until recently. This must be on page one of the therapists handbook. When the question was first proposed I was somewhat shocked and without any consideration made my denial. Then it was made clear that the event was traumatic and I must have suppressed the occurrence. I objected stating that I probably had the most godly parents a child could hope for, but then it was pointed out that it could have been anyone, an aunt, an uncle the paperboy (that explains why I hate to read the news). I still remember the slap the doctor administered just because I decided to pop out at 1 am, you would think I would remember any additional abuse after that point.
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