Common Mistakes when Transitoning

I read all these blogs about the hardships when transitioning, The one common thread thats stands out, is how while they carefully calculate timetables and expenses there is one thing that is very commonly overlooked, and turns out to be very painfull, it seems in most cases not all, but many could have been avoided if not at least minimalized.

I don't know what these therapist are teaching but it seems incomplete. They should do a better job preparing you. I realize I'm generalizing, that there are good ones and bad ones, but one bad one is too many in my opinion. The stakes are just too high when your dealing with human beings.

Too many girls are dumb founded, and blindsided by pressures and manipulations from family and or work. It's simple the world is about pressure, power and manipulation. In the transgendered community, it's not about rich or poor, it's simply about leverage. When you put your self out there, to transition, please look at every aspect of your entire life, where can people leverage me? Where am I most vulnerable to pressure, what do I have most control over.

Do a complete analysis of your life, know your strengths and weakness. Where your most likely to get pinched, have a well thought out contigency plan. Here's where I'm going with this. If you encounter resistance from spouses, parents siblings, friends, employers, co-workers, what have you, ask yourself where will their postion of power be coming from. The most common move is to make things very difficult for you, to see what you will lose if you follow through with this. They don't understand what it means to be transgendered, they just label you as "he's lost his mind". Stall him (HER), buy time and make it hard on you, you will snap out of it.

Use your children as pawns for leverage, get your family on her side, alienate you with your own famly, hit you where it hurts the most, "shock and awe", to borrow a quote, show you can't win, and if you go through with this, every aspect of your life will be in ruins. Show you it's hopeless.

If you size these things up and have a plan you can fight back in a well thought out way. Know your being played and manipulated, they are buying time in hopes you change your mind, let time be YOUR ally. Let it work for you. Be a class act, choose your words very carefully, if you have a temper, don't say anything, Once harsh words have been said, you can't take them back, sort of like trying to unring a bell. Realize your being manipulated, don't give them the reaction they were expecting, if you think things through you will have a good idea where they will hit next.

Regardless who is right, if the kids are caught in the middle it is damaging to them. No impulsive emails, texts, letters. It always good therapy, if your head is about to explode, poker face to your foe, when alone, write or type out a letter to whomever you are angry with, the words will just fly out of your brain, quicker than you can put them down This is a great way to vent, try it sometimes, next, DO NOT SEND OR MAIL THESE. Leave them set around for a couple days, read them a couple times, then destroy them, they could do a lot of harm to you in the wrong hands Chances are you sounded like an idiot, occasionally not. People infuriated tend to embellish, and exagerate. When you cool off, it's a great barometer to see how accurate you actually were.

It's important to remember that these people making your life a living hell, actually love you, and think they are saving you from yourself. The more time they have to digest this, the better. Regardless of your financial situation, when telling them your timetable, never, tell them about SRS. Buy time, this procedure scares the hell out of them. If they think this procedure is years away, they won't feel compelled to put maximum pressure on you to change your mind before the surgury. Don't lie, just be vague, choose your words wisely.

Over time, they will see you aren't crazy, right before their eyes you've become a women, most not all, will come around, they will finally realize this isn't some passing phase, that you are a women, surgury will no longer scare them as much.

Thoughout this entire ordeal act like a lady. Its harder to be angry with a lady, than a bitch. If you played it right over the course of this transition period, they won't have any words to throw back in your face.

I realize, during the whole ordeal, you are on hormones, in various dosages, so emotions run high, and varied, but the stakes are too high to get this wrong. I also realize, this is one mans five dollar answer to a hundred dollar question. It's not that simple but it's a start.

When you decide to transition, do just as the acuaries do for setting insurance risks, where can they hurt me the most, who and how. Expect it, be ready for it, deal with it, win it. I talked in length to a beautiful women last Saturday night, she seem to really have her head on straight, very intellegent, very patient, on the sad side, I over heard some other girls talking about going through hell, that breaks my heart. Why does it have to be this way? Yours Jeff