I've experience a remarkable change in perspective since I started transition now 7 years ago. Back then I could hardly think about anything but gender and my discomfort. I started hormones and had immediate peace and calm and it resulted in me being asked to leadership positions in my work and my favorite activity then, theater and in the local Kiwanis club. But as I came out anxiety became intense as I was 'uninvited' . It appeared to me that ordinary people like the characteristics of a person who has finally become comfortable in their skin as long as it does not break their preconceived notions about the laws of gender.
But gradually this anxiety gave way to a social distancing in the small town I worked and lived in. People who knew me before ceased to invite me to their social gatherings. I spent more time In Memphis and have become more and more socially comfortable here.
My facial surgery and body contouring helped with my big initial fear of never passing. I had ffs 2 years after going full time and after surgery had no trouble passing at all. But my insistance in transitioning in place took a toll in never really being accepted there. Gradually business deteroriated but was not a problem until the Great Recession.
But what I thought was most interesting is how my attitude about gender change changed. I skipped the Be-All and attended SCC this year. I used the meeting to visit with some friends who went to Atlanta as well. But instead of attending the meeting I and a friend went to museums and other sights around town and I did not attend a single function at the meeting. I did not miss seeing the conference.
5-7 years ago correcting my gender was about all I could think about. After surgery I was busy dilating and healing but gradually I thought less and less about gender. I went through a period of wearing make up daily and then about a year of wearing lipstick and in the past 2 years I've almost stopped using any of it. I've also quit taking pictures of myself. I did that a lot in the first 3-4 years of transition. It was so new and exciting looking feminine and it was also such a relief. But now I rarely wear a dress or a skirt and most of the time I do not polish my nails. In summer I wear capris pants and simple tops and go for comfort without stepping outside anything acceptable for a nearly 60 year old lady.
The other thing that I think is odd is that I've gradually lost the understanding of why anyone would do this! It is like reaching a very difficult goal then forgetting why I ever started the journey. But I'm happy in my skin and it seems more and more like this is the way I've always been. Life is good. I have all the fears of aging that anyone has but at least it is in the body and role I've always wanted. I'd never go back because now the whole idea of gender change seems for foreign. I think it odd, but perhaps what you would expect.