After reading a thread here momentarily ago, I was inspired to post this thread about how crossdressing can get out of control. I agree and totally understand what was going on with a previous poster today about wanting to put it all away for a while. It happened to me back in '97. The more I did , the more I wanted, it's like if you have one beer, you want another, or like if you've seen one pair of beautiful titties,,,,,, you want to see the rest of them. But back in '97, I totally quit, I purged, I threw everything in a dumpster. It was my secret. I literally became afraid of what this was doing to me. I was in my second marriage, and I would go to our second home 60 miles away on some weekends, I began to get out of control, spending money we didn't have and lying to cover Tara's purchases. My desires were taking over. Tossing and turning in my sleep, what could I do? Therapy?? How could I cover my reasons with my (then wife) for why I was going to therapy, (which I didn't do). I was strong, I loaded everything in the car and tossed them in a local corner dumpster. I wish I had been on this site way back then or, if it even existed. Some lucky girls on here could have had a field day with so many goodies. I had to do it at that time. For I was the only one that knew what I was doing. I thought it was harmless at first. I didn't know what my private crossdressing would bring on.
It is something like drinking or a drug or a damn good music album. You do a little, dang that feels good, then you want more, then that feels good, give me more and more. But upon disclosing that history to my new wife, she wanted me to and encouraged me to cd. I told her that it was more to it then what she thought it was. I guess she had the steriotypical understanding of what all it would entale. But once again, here it is. I once again live in the fear of cd'ing getting out on my control. I limkit it as much as I can, for I don't want to lose my new wife as a result of crossdressing though she encouraged it blindly. I've talked with her so many times expalaining all of who I am and of my desires. And of all of this yo-yo syndrome of acceptance and then withdrawing it all without warning and then she pretends to me as though she just found out for the first time. What I'm trying to say from many years of experience is asking some questions. Can a CD satisfy his desires to CD and have a healthy marriage? Can a CD give to his wife the man she married at all times without the other personality taking over his male self and taking from his wife the man that she married? Can I comfortably persue my CD desires without the fear of it taking me to different levels that my supportive wife may draw the line at? And if I stumble into a demension of CD'ing that is beyond her acceptance (based upon her understanding of CD'ing) can I put the brakes on if I go too far?
I have told her that I have had bi-sexual feelings occasionally when dressed and when I sometimes have to satisfy myself. And we have done some role reversal games which we both have found so much joy in, but sometimes I get afraid that even this kind of pleasures may take over. So I purge only by putting Tara's stuff away and take it a day at a time. It's like trying to quit smoking or something.
But we also have so many other marriage killing issues unrelated to CD'ing that today, I am ready to throw in the towel, for this is my third marriage and I can't find contentment. Can any of you sisters relate to me??.................Tara