Best time of year to come out to family?

Comment by Kathy Murdock on October 8, 2012 at 4:47pm

I have been waiting for them all to die.  My younger sister is the only one left and she just started taking vitamins so it could be awhile.

Actually if I were the poster child for living the transgender life I would set everyone back 50 years.  I think the best time is when “YOU” are ready.  It will vary for everyone.  Life is short so I would add to that, the sooner the better!  Don't wait for the last hair to fall out and your hair to turn grey because it costs a whole lot more.

Comment by Dal Maxwell on October 8, 2012 at 5:30pm

Sarah - Kathy hit it dead center when she said 'When you are ready'.  No season is going to make you stronger or more prepared for possible fall-out, and if you learn anything here it should be that things don't always go the way you want them to just because you want them to.  Do you embrace the philosophy that you should 'Hope for thhe best but expect the worst'?

You don't say where you are in your process, how long you have been transitioning, or what plans you have made.  Are you strong enough to sustain a huge emotional hit if it doesn't go well at all?  And if you find yourself alone on this, are you strong enough to keep going, or is it contingent on everyone being happy with and for you?

Comment by Marsha M. Marsha on October 8, 2012 at 7:27pm

"If ever I would leave you, it wouldn't be in Summer..." I think of Robert Goulet in Camelot and the answer is, "there is no good time" However, planning is good, if one is able. One other thing, as well as we believe we know people, you will be surprised who will be positve and negative toward your announcement.

I think someone once said, "prepare for the worst and hope for the best"

Comment by Julia Giannopoulos on October 8, 2012 at 8:09pm

Anytime that your not making excuses as to why you can't come out to family would be the best time.

Stop making excuses and do it.

No buts, and no " you don't know my situation" BS.

Tick tock.

Comment by Dal Maxwell on October 8, 2012 at 8:55pm

So......for the advocates of throwing caution to the wind, are you gonna be there when she face-plants, needs a place to stay, feed and support her, and hold her hand as she crashes emotionally?

Comment by Sarah Katherine on October 8, 2012 at 10:24pm

@Dal: Allentown is not far from Brooklyn so perhaps we will find out soon! LOL!

Comment by Caroline Grace on October 8, 2012 at 10:45pm

Many great comments already, so the only thing I can add that might be worth considering: Holidays, weddings, and funerals are often times when family dysfunctions peak, so it best to avoid those times or other major family events because it is likely other stressors are in play.

Best wishes and I hope all of your family find ways to support you during these trying times.

Comment by Dal Maxwell on October 8, 2012 at 11:10pm

Sarah - Not sure I am getting the Allentown/Brooklyn connection.

Comment by Sarah Katherine on October 9, 2012 at 12:20am

Thank you all for your (mostly) thoughtful answers. I think Caroline has the best one. In fact, she may have saved me from jumping the gun too soon. I will revisit the topic in my head in January 2013.

Allow me to further elaborate: My mother had a stage 4 brain tumor taken out nearly 5 years ago following a sudden seizure. She has been taking medicine but the seizures come back now and then. Two came back in the past month, which hadn't happened in a while. She is going for another MRI next month and I am worried. I do NOT want her leaving this earth before my father does. (In all fairness, neither does he, plus she is 3 years younger anyway.) She has been an excellent mother (though we do have our disagreements like everyone other parent/child pairing), and one of her best roles in my life has been as a buffer between me and my father and/or my sister. IN CASE GOD FORBID she is confirmed to be in declining health, I do not wish to do anything to accelerate this, or to be put in a position to be blamed for it.

Perhaps I should've included all of this in my original blog post but I did not wish to ramble. However, "You don't know my situation" is NOT a BS excuse, and no one is an authority on everyone or anything. Coming out any time you'd like is great if it worked for you, but saying based on your experience that it would work for someone else is like saying democracy would work in every Middle East country based on its success in First World nations, and we ALL know that's not the case.

Comment by Jenn on October 9, 2012 at 1:55am

Sarah, your coming out to family is for them unexpected and irretrievable.  For you it is sharing with your family a part of you that you’ve kept hidden in the deepest recesses of your inner self.   Sarah may have been with you for a lifetime and become part of your "normal" but for family she’s unexpected and probably a shock. 

Come out to family when you’re ready and only if and when you must.  Is there a family member that you expect will be most supportive?   Go there first.  Let it be a time when there are no distractions and it can be absorbed one-on-one.  Are you ready to do it as Sarah?  If you’re not I’d hold off.  Your family needs to see how comfortable you are and that you can present yourself as Sarah.  A written explanation can be helpful.  Donna Rose in her autobiography, “Wrapped in Blue,” shares the letters she wrote as she transitioned. 

May God bless you and your words.  Hugs, Jennifer

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