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"We are One"

OK... so I have been having to go in male mode lately because of not coming out yet to my family.... but I got to thinking this morning.... What exactly does male mode entail... My first thought is that I hafta wear male clothes... But yesterday that meant womens jeans, womens underwear, and a tee shirt... That is no different than I would wear on a normal day...(except I had no bra on...) And then I looked at the attitude I put on... and it was almost comical yesterday... We get to my parents house and I'm eating sorbet, sipping on an Italian Soda, and I start chatting with mom.... then dad walks in and I start with "How about those Padres???" It was like the scene from the Birdcage.... Next, My mother had a student arrive for dog training, so we go outside and meet her... The student and I start talking about animals, and I swear looking back, we sounded like two schoolgirls that hadn't seen each other in a while!!!

I'm beginning to think that I just can't carry the macho facade for much longer, just because I am losing the knack..... or is it because I just don't care anymore??? Or could it be that my life is so good just being me, that that is what I really want to do??? I'm thinking the latter.... I know that rough times lie ahead, but I'm just not feeling them right now.... Just gotta tell the parents and get on with it so that Male Mode will no longer exist!!!!

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Comment by Lauren Elisabeth Tancyus on May 1, 2010 at 8:25am
Sounds like maybe you are mostly there without having to verbally tell them. I think you caught the essence of it well; just be. Which is what you did. How important is it to aanouunce to them "It's a girl!!" SOunds like they love you as you are and you seem to have had a very nice visit as a feminine personality with your parents and their guest. If you really feel the need to tell them at this point consider how they will accept this at their time in life. If you think they are able to handle the thought at this late age and state of health whatever that may be, let that be your guide!
It sounds as if you are living your life well!

Hugs, Sherri
Comment by Roxanne Croft-Barreto on May 1, 2010 at 10:51am
Well... Here is the dilemma as I see it (but being so close to it, I might be missing something)... The family knowing is the only thing between me part-time and full-time... So... I'm going to have to let them know at some point, especially after the hormones kick in....But I am frightened by what they may think.... So.... I will continue to "Just Be", as you so eloquently put it, until I feel I HAVE to tell them..... But.. then again.... if they ask, I'm not gonna lie... so I wonder if that is what I am subconsciously pushing??? (Notice how I like to go off on rants???) Anyways....

Love the support and advice!!!!

Hugs to you too!!!!

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