a random musing

Comment by Marsha M. Marsha on September 2, 2011 at 1:46pm

Your musing amuses me.

I suppose this is really personal preference but I get your point, if we do not direct the definitions of ourselves the cisgender population will, and they just don't understand. However, I also understand why some of us post-ops slide into cisgender, world bliss and oblivion having found peace and wanting to keep it.

 

Comment by Traci O'Gara on September 2, 2011 at 1:57pm

why some of us post-ops slide into cisgender, world bliss and oblivion having found peace and wanting to keep it.>>

Such a simple and pure definition...makes sooo much sense!  From the "non" or "pre" side of the fence, this ought to enlighten us and help defuse any "friction" within the community.

Comment by Brenda English on September 2, 2011 at 5:55pm

My personal thoughts are that after srs, will just call myself a woman.  I intend to keep my friends and keep in contact, and will be upfront for those who want to know or i want to tell, and I understand and would also like to help others following, but also torn to just blend in and fade away......To be totaly honest I have no idea and understand all the thoughts for and against.

Comment by Lauren Elisabeth Tancyus on September 2, 2011 at 7:47pm

I will always help the trans community in my work, not because of a sense I "owe" that to anyone else. It's the nature of my professional life. Part of my professional ethics include doing service work which I do uncompensated. That isn't always directly given to members of the community, sometimes it is indirectly given in training other professionals. I like Brenda believe that post GRS I will no longer be trans.

 

 I don't think any person "owes" the trans community and one must follow their path. If it does not involve the trans community as Brenda said it is because she feels she is no longer trans. What sne owes is to live their best life. If that is involving the trans community, well and good. If it doesn't, also well and good. To each their own and I wish each well.

Comment by Bobbi Lombardo on September 5, 2011 at 4:38pm

I have dreamed all of my life of being a woman. Not a trans woman.  I have no desire to hurt or to forget anyone, but I want to be known as a woman by everyone.  I want to walk to the store and have someone open the door and say let me get that for you ma'am.  I have been an outcast in the mail society for my entire life and only dreamed of being that which I was meant to be.  And that is not a trans woman, it is a woman.  I won't hide from the world and if called upon to help within the community I will be glad to, but to the world at large it is simply the way I want to be known.

 

I hope I don't upset too many people by saying this but I am not young and I do not want to fight any more.  I want to relax and enjoy the rest of my life as the woman I have struggled to become.

Comment by Sylvia on September 6, 2011 at 10:37am

This strikes right at the heart of what drives so many of us to even go as far as having surgery.

We simply want to be what we felt we should have been from birth or even what we have always been despite the physical contradiction of our birth.

I think your position takes a further act of courage to acknowledge to ourselves that no matter what we would like to think or believe, if we are not born physically female - then we will never be (nor have we ever been) truly female.

That's just the facts.  There is no amount of surgeries that can change this.  A female brain alone does not a female make. Our bodies are part of who we are as human beings. We can change them to be "like" but we cannot change them "into" something they were not made to be. (ducking now to avoid all the things being thrown at me!)

Though I agree with and applaud your stance on identifying as trans - post sugery - I also do not fault anyone who feels that this is not the right path for them.  I think anyone who has endured being trans and has gone through the emotional, physical and financial turmoil to overcome and rectify that state of being (as best they can) has earned his or her right to let go of all that and just "be" who they feel they really are and enjoy life as it was meant to be lived - without worrying about who they are and how they fit (or don't fit) in to the world.

But as you say, if we can find a little more courage and be a little more honest with ourselves about who and what we are - we will be doing a great service to those who come behind and in paving the way for society at large's acknowledgment and acceptance of the existence and legitimacy of the status of being "trans" for a person. Though this may happen on its own, without people, who like yourself, do embrace and choose to continue to own and be proud of the term "trans" (post surgery), I think the need to hide, pretend, disavow ones past and be fearful of discovery to protect one's job, relationship or other thing will be perpetuated more if less of us do. Perhaps as this evolves and there becomes an actual place in society for trans people - simply being trans (whether pre or post surgery) will not be a stigma that has to be worn and overcome as it is today.

Perhaps then too, the rates of depression, alcoholism, homelessness and suicide - that can be linked to simply being trans will be reduced too.  That certainly would be a good thing.

I would like to think that if I ever am able to actually afford to have surgery - that I would have the courage to continue to claim "trans" status - but I guess I won't know until I get there - if I ever do.  The price tag on that right now though is completely out of my reach for the foreseeable future. With that in mind - I also acknowledge my inability to speak from experience on this issue and realize that there may be some things as a non-surgery person that I am simply overlooking.

Comment by JinianVictoria M. Herdina on September 6, 2011 at 11:45am

Teagan,  The ideas I express here or elsewhere are exactly that...ideas...something to consider as we each find our own paths.  My ideas that I put in the blogs are merely  points to consider.  I do not feel that my views on a given issue that I blog about are germane.  I merely propound things that others may not have considered.  My views may or may not be in agreement with what I write.  I try to keep my dog out of the hunt so to speak. My ideas can and do range over the spectrum they are not the engraved in stone thing.  My personal views are exactly that ...personal.

Comment by JinianVictoria M. Herdina on September 6, 2011 at 12:29pm

Selfish?  I cannot understand that.  I am attempting to be neutral and see both sides of an issue.  My views put me on possibley a different course than I am blogging. Again I try to be neutral and not allow my views to influence anothers thinking.  NEUTRALITY is the key  both sides of an issue need to be considered.  Thus my views are irrelevant

Comment by Caroline Grace on September 7, 2011 at 12:50pm

Respect - kindness - appreciation. Aren't these core values we'd hope all here have? 

There are so many heated comments here and I hope to bring a sense of calm here by my comments.  I have often said 100 people at the same event at the same time with the same people all experience the event differently and I use a wedding as the example. It is easy to see the event is different for the preacher, caterer, those getting married, the pining but silent secret lover who never revealed his or her love, etc.

 

We are all called to do God's work in loving one another and each of us can do that in our own ways. Who we are and what we can deliver in service to others varies, too.  For some it is giving their time to make a web site that saves lives stay afloat; for others it is helping guys and gals find the resources they need; for some it is holding hands and holding people up after surgeries; for some it is being active in the media; and for others it is being active politically. 

 

We all have different life circumstances, have different challenges before us, and to be quite frank not everyone can handle the media or personal scrutiny they will give you. Besides the object of our lives is to be happy, not to promote causes, even this one so near and dear to our hearts.

 

Still we need those who can do media and be out loud to be out there. I do agree with Jinian Victoria that if our entire community is silent, our silence will just perpetuate the injustice that happens to all of us. Some of us, not all, have to be out there or else nothing will ever change.

 

It is not just that society needs us to be out there. Our community needs us to be out there, too. As but one example: I just spent the long weekend helping a friend recover from SRS whose life was saved in part by the interview that Jessica McKinnon gave on a radio show.  And I have said repeatedly that PE help save my life when I felt like I had no where to turn.

 

So those who want or need to go silent or stealth, please do so without any feeling of letting the community down. You can give back to the community in many ways besides being out there: writing checks help causes; donating time helps; and simply calling upon elected officials or attending support group meetings so newbies will know that they are not alone means a lot.

 

And for those who don't know, I am one of those who does several things I have listed above. You may also want to note that I am so out there these days because like Jinian Victoria, I do believe our stories have to be told if we want teh public to understand, accept, and embrace us..  Google me (Caroline Temmermand) and you'll see I have done the cover story on The New Republic July 14th (10 pages); a story yesterday in the Clarendon Patch; TV (things I have done or created have been seen on national news, Inside Edition, Good Morning America); Glen Beck;  radio; and other newsprint articles; video taped testimony before our state legislators who know me on sight and know my voice; trips to US Congressional Offices; and more.  If you read or see any of these you'll see I don't wear my transgender status like it is something important. Instead I wear my outrage at the indignity that is thrust upon so many of my great brothers and sisters simply because of being transgender. 

 

Have the stats to tell our story and believe me the reporters and fact checkers will check these so know your sources.  Note that my comments here are not about getting our story into the media.  What is most important in all of this is for us to accept that each of us has a role to play and that means that not everyone can or should be out there.  In fact, about the only role I absolutely know we all can play is to be "hugging" one another along this trying journey.  I believe we have a resp

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