I thought I would start out with a little bit about myself. As far as my TS life goes. One could say I started my journey at least outwardly when I was a child. Like many of us I would sneak my sisters clothes and wear them when alone at the house. That was'nt very often given that I had 2 brothers and a sister. In my opinion that act is supportive of the fact that we are born TS. Think about it. What little boy would willingly be drawn to want to look and dress like a little girl unless something inside told him that it was somehow right and normal. Lord knows in my case it was definately not something my parents would have done to me, LOL. Showing my age :-) just a little anyway. I was born and knew i was different long before Phil Donahue would have Transgender guests on his show (alot of you younger women may not remember him). The term Transvestite or Transsexual was not a part of any vocabulary I knew back then.... this will grow over time. Lot of life to write in.
Looking back in a way I dont think I was thinking too clearly when I would go into Fredericks of Hollywood when I was maybe 12 to 14 asking about various types of lingerie. Then again most kids dont think too much before they act at that age. My dads wife found my "stash" when I was 15. Thats when life became really hard. This was the mid 70's. Not quite as open minded as today. LOL not that today is open minded but more than back then by far. The treatment my dad gave me during that time was extreme. I went so deep into the closet one might more appropriately call it a cave. I tried all I coud to try to be the "man" that I thought was expected of me. I in then end even joined the Navy just like dear old dad did . Perhaps that would help his thinking oabout me. I got married and was living the mans man life. As you all know though. you can only take so much before you feel you will explode.
I did all the manly things expected from me from society. I was a sailor, a husband, and became the father of 3. I had told my spouse the partial truth about myself after we had been married for a couple yrs. I told her how i dressed at times. I did this in a cowardly way. I was intoxicated and called her from San Francisco while the ship was there celebrating the Navy's birthday. We did'nt return to my homeport of San Diego for another 45 days. You can imagine the dread I felt inside for that whole time. Not knowing how she would react when she saw me. If she would even still be there when the ship pulled in. The good news, she was there. I was still married. I tried to be her man , but failed miserably. I kept my secret inside obviously from the Navy. I even managed to complete a carrer retiring from the service after a little less than 16 yrs thanks to our President Clinton. During that time I did finally give up the fight within and accepted who I really was in my upper 20's. That acceptance helped in my being able to deal with not being able to live as my true self, for a time anyway. (more to come)
After my naval career I apparently realized that I no longer had the government to worry about concerning my ability to work. With that in mind I guess I could say that that is when I began to start my journey. starting with under attire for the first couple yrs. Then slowly opening up more to my spouse. As with most of us it nearly took our family apart. Telling my children about me was another hard thing to do. there was definately alot of crying in our house during those days. in the begining my kids 2 of the 3 anyway didnt like me so much . thankfully we are all close once again, but it took time. I remember when I came home from Cananda that my daughter had told me the only way things would be good between us was if i went back and had the surgery undone, LOL. My daughter and I and my grandson just returned from lunch an hour or so ago if that is any indication on how we are now, thankfully.This has been a long journey, in some ways it never ends. we all learn something as we go on. One thing I do know is that I am finally able to find real happiness in life. I am coming up on 6 yrs post-op now still look forward to see what tomorrow has in store. Some might argue, but life is good.