We'll see how this goes, I've tried keeping journals and memoirs and stickie notes many times throughout my life and either lose them or toss them. I have a horrible habit of starting things with the best of intentions and then forgetting about them within a few weeks. But, this one isn't intended to be a daily or a weekly or a monthly. It's just supposed to be. A sporadic glimpse of my life and also a place for me to return to after a while and reminisce.
I'm about 19 years late in starting this if we're going to get technical, so if i ever get nostalgic, just bear with me. My memories can be a bit... complicated. But I digress, the event of the day which spurred my desire to put my thoughts down on digital paper was my first therapy session. Not the very first ever, but the first one focusing on my gender dysphoria. I'm pleased to announce that my therapist found me surprisingly realistic. Like, my goals, expectations, and such.
Basically, I explained that this is me. Transitioning is an important thing and a broad subject; the gender part is just that, a part of transitioning. Yes yes yes, there's the legal aspects like name changes and all those silly documents. No, I'm talking timelines and goals. Now, I understand that we're a very "instant gratification" society. However, this is the most significant life changing event someone can have. Period. That's right marriage and babies, you're second rate compared to transitioning. But to me, I believe the perception of transitioning is quite abrupt. Like you've gone through all this turmoil and angst trying to come to terms with what you have to do to live your true identity, but then you take a plunge into full time (or mostly full time) and start hormones and place in oven for roughly 3 years and voila! Fresh person! Done and accepted by society, living the life you should. Of course, I doubt it's true for all but a few people, but it's what I seem to see. Maybe we all just have a poor record of the in-between times and only show milestones. Which is fine...
Anyway, got off subject. My goals and timelines stretch over 4 years before I plan on going full time. I view it something like a butterfly. I've spent my life so far searching for the appropriate branch to nest on. I feel like my journey has finally come across that branch and now I need to spend time preparing for the world.
The most vexing part of transitioning, in my humble... okay, somewhat pompous... opinion is finding a way to support yourself during and after transition. Because, if you're horrible at following through with anything, this is sooo not the project to forget about. I plan on completely changes careers along with this transition and where I end up in the country doesn't matter so much as long as I'm happy.
I suppose that's it for now. I'm not going hari kari on my life story tonight and this blog is long enough for the first one. I still haven't completely settled on a name. The time between each name change is getting longer and longer as I learn more about myself, so you'll all have to bear with me on that one too. Actually, suggestions are always welcome.
Til next time,