"We are One"
FFS on the Horizon
I am sitting here getting ready to frantically pack for my trip to Chicago tomorrow. It's funny, my first surgery I was calm and not jitters at all. This one I am freaking out inside. I guess it is more the week of pain I fear or maybe it's the changing the way I have looked all my life. Not sure. All I know is that I am now in bed, looking up information on the before and after shots, procedures and anything else that can freak me out.
It's been a long time getting here. When I joined in 2009 I was a chat room stalker and reached out to a few of you. Now two and a half years later, grs behind me, I am just stopping by every now and then (maybe every blue moon is more accurate) to drop in a few comments that I hope help my sisters along their transition. I find that sites like this are immensely helpful at first. You get to know others like you which all of a sudden confirms that you are not alone. For me, it was seeing others that transitioned and lived semi normal existence's afterwards that gave me the courage to move forward.
After a while, you seem to fall away from the daily visits and posts and move to checking a few times and then one time a week. You still know the friends that you made, but have since moved to contact through other means but new people are now here and asking you question. I reached that point just before surgery.
After surgery I guess I disappeared entirely. Not because of any reason but the majority of the people I met here were now my FB friends. I also was living my day a a normal business woman and although I was born male was treated very much like any woman and much of my need to come here and field my problems were gone. When I did speak I had many tell me that I was LUCKY or FORTUNATE and the real world of transition was not like what I had gone through. Some were quite mean in the way they talked to me so I moved on. I guess that only difference between my transition and what others have one through is the extremely positive outlook I have kept throughout. I blame myself for adverse events, and then look for the solution. I find too many of us often do the opposite and blame society, transition, boss, ex, children, parents, siblings, etc. for our misfortunes. I live life as if I have always been female, I rarely react to negative comments and I project confidence.
I come back here every now and then to see how the new girls and progressing and to meet anyone that I may be of help to but I don't stay long. I wish I had the time. Work is hectic, my kids are demanding and I am finally trying to find love in my new role as a woman. But what I do need to say is thank you PE for introducing me to the people that gave me confidence to stand up and move onto my path.
That seems to be a good place to stop for now. I have so so much to do before my Chicago trip. Thank you all again and I'll stop by again soon. Look for me on FB if you want to connect. Bye.
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Comment by Caroline Grace on April 3, 2012 at 6:35am
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Glad you shared your story. Mine has been much like yours in terms of going well. I did FFS and it was the best thing I ever did for myself or at least tied with therapy, HRT, and transitioning. I believe you will feel the same way when you are done.
Did you ever think that those who mean to you are that way in their lives which is why they experience their world in that way? My world has been almost entirely embracing. And when I spoke about transitioning in terrific ways at Keystone Conference this weekend, my son was in the audience. he drove 2+ hours one way and the same for the ride back. He came in a suit and tie to honor me. I did not wanted him there so the naysayers could see my reality but raher so that those sitting on the fence who knew what they should be doing could see that loves does handle transitions.
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Comment by Darla Rose Klein on April 3, 2012 at 9:52am -
Have a succesfull time in chicago.Thanks for your story,if i take anything away from it is to have a positive attitudeand be confident.Thanks
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Comment by Jessie Lynn Esme on April 3, 2012 at 12:11pm -
Thank you for sharing Nichole and good luck! :-) Hugs and Kisses
Jessie
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Comment by Juliet Femme on April 3, 2012 at 7:41pm -
Yes I do follow you on FB,which I find so rewarding and helpful.Its so good of you to share your new life with us.I know it has helped me a lot.As I would like to go full time myself,so following your input on your blogs,its made me make up my mind.Hope others here will see your blogs on FB.Thanks again.
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Comment by Galina Edwards on April 3, 2012 at 9:55pm -
Praying for the outcome you want in the Big C.
My story is also like yours. Everything came easy and uneventful.
Thanks for the stories.
Galina
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Comment by michelle perez on April 4, 2012 at 11:30pm -
thanks for speaking what im gonna go through in about 3 weeks in mexico....im excited and of course anxiety ...lol but any hoo i wanted this a long time and now its here.......
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Comment by Erin Detty on April 5, 2012 at 5:59pm -
Thank you for shareing. I see the same things as my transition moves forward. Enjoy your trip to Chicago.
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Comment by Marsha M. Marsha on April 9, 2012 at 5:41am -
Enjoy life, Nichole. I'm not on Facebook, so it seems we will have no more contact. You have done well for yourself and I'm glad your transitiion has gone well, mine has too, and I count my blessings because I know of many who have struggled .
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