I am sitting here getting ready to frantically pack for my trip to Chicago tomorrow. It's funny, my first surgery I was calm and not jitters at all. This one I am freaking out inside. I guess it is more the week of pain I fear or maybe it's the changing the way I have looked all my life. Not sure. All I know is that I am now in bed, looking up information on the before and after shots, procedures and anything else that can freak me out.
It's been a long time getting here. When I joined in 2009 I was a chat room stalker and reached out to a few of you. Now two and a half years later, grs behind me, I am just stopping by every now and then (maybe every blue moon is more accurate) to drop in a few comments that I hope help my sisters along their transition. I find that sites like this are immensely helpful at first. You get to know others like you which all of a sudden confirms that you are not alone. For me, it was seeing others that transitioned and lived semi normal existence's afterwards that gave me the courage to move forward.
After a while, you seem to fall away from the daily visits and posts and move to checking a few times and then one time a week. You still know the friends that you made, but have since moved to contact through other means but new people are now here and asking you question. I reached that point just before surgery.
After surgery I guess I disappeared entirely. Not because of any reason but the majority of the people I met here were now my FB friends. I also was living my day a a normal business woman and although I was born male was treated very much like any woman and much of my need to come here and field my problems were gone. When I did speak I had many tell me that I was LUCKY or FORTUNATE and the real world of transition was not like what I had gone through. Some were quite mean in the way they talked to me so I moved on. I guess that only difference between my transition and what others have one through is the extremely positive outlook I have kept throughout. I blame myself for adverse events, and then look for the solution. I find too many of us often do the opposite and blame society, transition, boss, ex, children, parents, siblings, etc. for our misfortunes. I live life as if I have always been female, I rarely react to negative comments and I project confidence.
I come back here every now and then to see how the new girls and progressing and to meet anyone that I may be of help to but I don't stay long. I wish I had the time. Work is hectic, my kids are demanding and I am finally trying to find love in my new role as a woman. But what I do need to say is thank you PE for introducing me to the people that gave me confidence to stand up and move onto my path.
That seems to be a good place to stop for now. I have so so much to do before my Chicago trip. Thank you all again and I'll stop by again soon. Look for me on FB if you want to connect. Bye.