"We are One"
My Life's (unusual) Story
I am a GLBT equality activist. I also have Alzheimer's and I am in the first stage of this terminal illness. Life expectancy is on the average of 4-8 years although some have lived up to 20 years.
I am a "retired" pastor of 35 years. Before that, I worked as an design engineer in space suit design and capsule interiors, later on I worked for GM as a plant engineer and a OSHA compliance officer. I was appointed by the Pres. of the United States to the position of the Selective Service Board of Monroe county in upstate New York for 10 years. I also was chairperson on the Rochester, NY Community Heat Fund for 17 years.
My Life's (Unusual) Story
Welcome once again. I hope and pray that you, dear reader, will enjoy my ups and, yes, downs as I tell you my condensed life story. It's a story about a bird trying desperately to get free. And on this Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I wanted to share that story of finding equality within one's self.
There has been a battle raging within me since I was about six. You see I was like a bird inside an egg trying over and over to crack through that shell and allow my wings to carry me away in freedom. To be what God wanted me to be.
What does that mean? Well, gentle reader, let me try to explain. Hold on: it's going to be a rough, perhaps even a shocking ride. In fact, it almost ended my life.
I was born on Feb. 1, 1942, in Worcester, Mass. As a growing kid I felt that God had a call on my life (more about that later). When I became an adult, I married and we had six wonderful children, alternating as boy and girl. Today, they are all grown up, some have children of their own. I have one grandson in college with my youngest daughter. Kind of makes me a bit old?
As an adult, I had a number of different jobs. First, I washed for a newspaper photographer before I went into engineering. I ended up working in aerospace designing spacesuits and capsule interiors. When that slowed down I worked as a "job shop engineer." I would go to jobs that paid the most and it could be anywhere.
I also messed around in letterhead engraving and printed wire engraving. After some time doing various engineering jobs, I ended up in snow country: Rochester, N.Y., on the shores of western Lake Ontario. Yep, I and my family lived there for about 37 years.
At first, I worked for Delco Products, a part of GM as Plant Engineer and later added the responsibilities of OSHA compliance officer. This allowed me to travel to various GM plants east of the Mississippi River. As I came toward the end of my career with GM, I became involved with a street mission, called the Open Door Mission, first as a volunteer then as a board member.
Not long after that, when their Executive Director left, I volunteered to take his place. My pay went from about $60,000 dollars a year to $5,200 dollars a year! That's with a wife a six kids as well. But you know what? God provided all our needs
Sometimes at the last moment, but He still provided.
I learned an important faith filled principal that "God is good, all the time." That He would meet all our needs as we walked by faith and not by sight. I always preached that.
But the battle inside me still raged. Fasten your seat belt please.
Remember that little bird trying to get free? I said I was trying to get free because for most of my life there was a conflict, a battle going on with in me and it was getting worse and worse. I almost killed myself because of it.
Let me ask you a couple questions if I can. What would you do if you had a child with a cleft lip? What would you do if your son or daughter came home missing a leg or arm or both? You would anything in your power to fix the damage to bring as much normal function to the person? Cleft lips go for under $500 dollars. Artificial limbs, thousands of dollars plus months of expensive rehab.
But let's get back to my story. You see, I wasn't always a woman. That's right. I was born a male physically and my given name was Kenneth and for most of my life I struggled to play that role.
Today, as you see in my pictures, I am a woman physically and psychologically all done by surgery and meds.
Does God make mistakes? I don't think so. You see if you go back to God's manual of operation (The Bible) there are the words that "All things work together for good for those who love the Lord."
Why does God allow "various" events to happen? The truth is, I don't know. But I do know that nothing happens to anyone without God knowing about it and not only that, what happens is part of His ordained plan for each of us and for our good. I don't know if you believe it but I do.
That is the reason I could not end it all by killing myself despite the fact that as a male making the transition to female I was raped, twice.
Over time, I sought out professional Doctors and Counselors who were expert in their field of what The American Medical Association and The American Psychological Association as well as The American Psychiatric Association call "Gender Identity Disphoria." I took uncountable numbers of tests.
Today, thankfully, there are many nonprofit groups and associations that extent helping hands and encouragement. Several are here in Charleston and the surrounding area.
Today, both medically and psychologically I am a transgendered woman. Am I happy and at peace with myself? Yes, without a doubt. You wonder if God loves me? I believe He does. You see, I am now healed by the grace and love of God. I am who I am.
Thanks for reading. To God be the Glory. Amen
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Comment by Caroline Grace on February 1, 2012 at 4:05pm
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Wish I could condense a story as well as you... Thanks for sharing yours in such an easy to read way. What you have been through is both uplifting and beyond sad. I wish all the pain never happened.
By the way, what grades did you get on those tests? ( I am asking jokingly, since I wish they had a good test for us).
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Comment by Kimberly Long on February 1, 2012 at 4:47pm -
Rev. I wish you the best on your journey. Thanks for sharing your life with us. I worked as a command police officer in the Houston area. One of my part time officer worked in the suit testing unit at NASA Clear Lake. When I read your story I was trying to see if you were person as my officer
God bless you, Kimbrrly
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Comment by Jodie Lynn Rogers on February 1, 2012 at 6:34pm -
beautiful words there were some ups and sowns and im sorry for the unfortunate events that happened to you.thank you for your story makes me want to try harder.
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Comment by Jillian Munsell on February 1, 2012 at 7:07pm -
Rev Kaye.
I am here in Rochester and know of your good work at the Open Door Mission. I would conservatively guess you have saved hundreds of lives over all these year and.. gentle reader... I'm not exaggerating.
The Open Door Mission helps thousands of people who need a hand, a meal, education, and a warm place to stay the night. All established with wide spread community support created under Rev Fox' programs and leadership.
I knew of all the media exposure you were subjected to during the initial period of your coming out (much of it not too positive) and I felt for you each day... I am so happy that it is now your turn to be saved!
Thank you for your service to this community
May God bless you..
Jillian
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Comment by Rev. Kaye S. Fox on February 1, 2012 at 8:39pm -
Hi Caroline,Kimberly, Jodi and Jillian and others who have read my story,
Thank you for your kind and uplifting comments. Yes we are all on an adventure, each crafted diffrently by a God who knows us in detail...long before we, you and I dear reader, were a "twinkle in our mother's eye."
The "take away" is you and I are never alone. God is good...all the time! I believe it and I hope you do too as we journey down the path of life. May all your dreams come true and above all love one another LOL Kaye +
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Comment by Jessica Tafoya on February 1, 2012 at 10:18pm -
So inspirational i love it!!! An your right god does know us before the time we are concieved it say's in the bible
but
if he knew what we where to become then why did he create us... Is it all in free will and even though i'm lead
to think we are born this way which (HELL I WAS) and many other ladies but there is still a mystery we cannot
answer and i'm glad to read about your experiences!!!
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Comment by LAINIE NELSON on February 2, 2012 at 3:31am -
Thank you for your story. I too was an engineer for 40+ years, had my own business for 13 of those.
Taught music for 22 years all instruments all ages from 5 up.
I have found that none of my education or experience counts for anything in the employment market once you pass 50. 300 qualified applications, Zero responses.
I hope that you can delay the Alz worst part for many years. My mother had it and didn't know who I was for the last 2 yrs.
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Comment by Rev. Kaye S. Fox on February 2, 2012 at 12:47pm
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Thanks Jessica for you kind comments to my "Unusual" life story. You know we are all unusual and special in God's eyes. Why certain things happen to one person and not another...I don't have an answer. For example, why a aby is born with a cleft lip? Why does a family driving home from a church convention killed in an auto accident? Why are we born physically in one sex, yet internally rages a battle for our true self to emerge. I don't know...I have a difficult time wrapping my mind around all of these questions even at my age despite all of the miracles and blessings He has done in my life.. There are things that happen that God has planned for us even before we were created for His purpose -His plan. Believe it or not those plans are to bless each of us and not to harm us. Hard to believe, when you are in a swamp... up to your eyeballs in alligators, that you should have drained the swamp. yep, we have a God given free will to chose, but often when I look back it was me that got myself in trouble not God. I knew the right thing to do... but chose not to do it because I diidn't want to. As a result I often get myself in trouble and God lovingly picks me up brushes me off, huggs me and holds my hand and we move on through the valley of opportunity.We can depend on Him because He says he will never leave us or forsake us. lol Jessica. Remember, "God is good...all the time." Kaye +
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