This discussion is not put here to preach to the converted rather to offer one womans insight from her experiences, to those reaching their own decisions in this journey.
There is one salient point that always seems to get lost in the wash when we discuss transition, and that is true congruency.
I am not here to knock those who believe they have found that level without SRS, good luck to them.
Short background story, I began HRT July 2007, Orchie March 2008 Voice, nose, trachea and upper lip, July 2009, hair grafts, October 2009 and SRS March 2010.
That’s a lot of surgery in a short length of time , believe me, my 60 year old body is feeling it. Yet, I have not a single regret.
For each stage of surgery, I felt closer to that elusive congruency.
It is not a race, sure, but my time clock is ticking and when the opportunity presented itself, I was not going to waste a second and I haven’t.
I never felt true congruency until I had SRS, there was always a little niggle in the back of my head that said, sorry girl, you’re not quite there yet.
Now that my swelling has gone down, I can totally feel the physical difference in my body.
It feels like a woman’s. There is no longer that dangly thing there, pronouncing to all and sundry,
” I am male.” Shudder.
I felt like I should have a sign hanging off me, telling the world.
Nonsense, I know, but we also know, the mind does stupid game playing with us, don’t we.
Now, I not only feel different, with little sensations down there, that are a mystery as yet, but I smell different.
That may be a combination of KY , Betadine , antiseptic powder, dettol, soap, shampoo, conditioner and underarm roll-on, but I smell like a woman, rather pleasant the girls tell me of myself. Yum.
It’s all part of my congruence.
I wrote on my profile wall, “ I am no longer two of a kind, I am now one of a kind.”
It is an apt description of what SRS can do for you, as it has done for me.
I wish you luck on your journey, mine has been a beautiful experience and my inner peace is so very enlightening. No longer do I
have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I can live with all its little
idiosyncrasies, take them or leave them.
Life is truly beautiful.
Nancy, I agree with Massacusetts. Speaking from a Bay State educated girl I was amazed at how much people in other parts of the U.S. did not know as I travelled throughout this great land and I attribute that to a good public education in Massachusetts. We have led the way many times in this country including having the first tax supported public schools and I would hope they would lead again in transgender education.
Well, I know the policy of the Boston Public Schools is that until we officially become a "protected class," they won't do any more than is now done. This is just one more reason why we need the state to add T to LGB.
Well I am 4 months post op. Congruency yes I believe I am achieving it. I feel much different, I smell different, my body sensations are different, when I talk,walk sit eat all different. Sometimes I feel like Alice in Wonderland. I am so happy that I am complete I could cry with joy. I could cry because of all the wasted years. One thing I know my life is before me bright and beautiful with joys and sorrows to be face and experience in full by Brenda; not behind the mask that I had created and hid behind.
It's lovely to hear from you.
I haven't re-visited this blog for a long time and it's funny that you should bring up how your feelings have changed in this blog, at this time.
I have been asking myself a lot of questions of late but one question that never enters my mind is, regrets.
There are none, not a single one.
My mind and body are now aligned and one of my questions is often, why did I wait so long, but of course I know that circumstances determined that, so it is a completely rhetorical question and not one of self-recrimination.
I hope that those who are genuine in their desire to transition will read your and my words and realise that the congruency they may feel, is nothing to what lays ahead of them, if they find the courage to fulfill their destiny.
I betcha Nancy doesn't have those "seback" feelings anymore, either.
Funnily enough, nearly 2 years on, I can't think of anything I would change on this blog.
I feel even more complete now than 1 month after surgery and I no longer have that amazement of what it is really like to be a woman physically, although I am finding new ways to physically enjoy my womanhood, hahaha.
The argument of congruence will always be there and only those who have surgery will be able to say," Yes you are different." but I would add, in my nearly 3 years on Pe, I have never yet read of a person post- surgery who has expressed one regret.
That is recommendation in itself.
I am so pleased you are enjoying life Brenda.
Now you finally understand what I have been trying to explain.
2 years on, I still don't have the right words.
I wonder why..........
Is it so unexplainable?
Rachel, I see you have joined the ranks of those disguising thier identity, " is the real Rachel King, girl number 1, girl number 2 or girl number three?"
I am not usually at a loss for words but I simply feel more like myself since having SRS, GRS, GCS or whatever one calls it. I had no quantim leap into nirvana awakening from surgery. I just knew everything would be fine. After the unpacking and healing the realization that I am me, finally, came daily in small increments. Andrea has noticed it and from her own mouth she has told me, "it's amazing, everyday you are more a woman than the day before." I am not exactly sure what she means but I just feel it.and apparently it is evident from the view of others.